Mixed emotions

this morning i was planning to go for an job interview.. but then my mother dun allow =( then she die die die die dun let me get out the house.. i was soo sad... just cause of not going to skool she kb so much... then tell me do stupit things than i can go.. imagine i aready wear formal long sleves .. she ask me go clean the toilet... wtf... then clean my room.. than i go clean la.. then she say that if i want to go.. she also go out of the house and never come back.. my brother and father allowed me to go.. but my mother veri stubborn.. die die i cannot go... den i cried like mad in the morning... at first was both my parents scold me... forcing me not to go... i aready change all there and dress up.. then i started crying and crying.. cause i never had my freedom to go for the interview.. then i climb into my brother room and woke him up to seek help... i was still in tears... then he said that life can be unfair at times.. say my mother sometimes like that one.. so our choice in life becomes more narrow... i can't imagine life wifout my father... things would be so much diffrent.... i once thought that things would be better after my n levels.. infect that aren't much differences....

just now i chat wif ellice.. she said that she is veri veri stress... i really sometimes hate myself for not understanding some of the things she say.. i dun even know or guess wats troubling her.. maybe all i just need to do is to ask.. but how i know that what i do would make things better? she told me to think of wat she done for me and wat i done for her... i know she made alot of sacrifice and done many things for me... and looking back of wat i did for her... i just dunnoe how to compare.. after crying in the morning..i dunnoe why i feel like crying agian now.. after chatting wif her.. i just can't comfort her... i try finding wats wrong wif me.. maybe its because i pay more attention to my game wif my bro than to her? or i just never tried to be in her shoes... things are getting so much complicated... i can remember the last time i was stress up and was in madness.. since that day till now.. i never had those anymore.. but i can sense its comming back to me.. even when i know that i can always calm down and think slowly... ppl will always make me think even more.. and that is when i get stress from.. actually i was veri happy while playing ps2 wif my brother... but den i also wanted to talk to her on the other hand.. so i tried to finish the game asap... but things dun turn the way its seems to be...

in the end she went to sleep.. cause she is stress.. i starting to get worried abt her.. as she is in the middle of her exams... i made her worried all day abt me in the morning.. cause of wat happen to me... i dunnoe wat to do now to make things better... or maybe i never relise something important happening.. or maybe its me! something wrong wif me.. i dunnoe.. been thinkin it the entire day... so dear.. if you reading this.. i feel that i have fail my part as a boyfriend.. cause i never make thing work out the way it is for the both of us.. or maybe i never comfort u enough or make u feel secure.. i am sorry...=( but the love for you is still strong in me.. i should start to wake up and make things rite... i never give up hope on us.. i will give all i got.. as long i believe i can do it wif god's will...