The day I tried to be a better man

well yea my results came.. my biggest nightmare came through. happy?
i got kick out of school. i am going to NS. happy?
well maybe its fated for me to go through this.
went to school wif my parents and bro to appeal against my dismissal earlier today. they said have a chance.. maybe. 2 out of 10?
i think i better prepare myself for NS.
i imagined this when i was taking the exams. i guess no body knew how scared i was. and now its no use being scared.
even before my results came. i swear if i pass and get to continue i would really study like a mad dog. haiz..
my family wants me to changed? stop music? stop all my life?
finding it hard to accept to really stop music . i dunnoe why even i knew studies came first. who doesnt want to change to be a better person.
my parents thought its my music that distract me the most.
well i find it hard to accept la.
but i have to change.
and i come to realise that actually i spend most of my time
doing nothing?
really nothing?
i been slacking , sleeping, lepaking too much i think.
if i were to put my studies ahead of all the things i wanna do
then i can do whatever i want.
i dun think they trust me anymore.
thats why i think i might as well go ns to lose all my freedom.
its like losing my life.
i know its important. but its just like so dead la.. i cannot live wif it.
sorry i think like a small boy. but i too wanna make my own decisions.
i am turning 20 next year. and still i am like u know . being told to study and all.. haiz.. how to change like that. dun blame them but i wish i had the chance to learn things the hard way. because the easy way doesnt get in my head.
what am i talking? shit... my mind is going nuts
okok i will change.
seriously i will.
but please dun tell me what to cut and all. i want to make my own decision to know what i want to choose. i know i always tend to do so many things at 1 time. but well okok.. i list down now and see if its better
1 studies
2 music (np strings and my own band)

is that alot?

well i guess its hard for some people to understand how much i am gonna change. well. , no point talking so much. i got to show it to them. well if u think i am talking too much here? this is a blog . come one its thoughts in my head. i am not like gonna tell people by mouth what i mention here rite?

okok

may tml be a better day