in skool

hello! well i am in skool agian.. reached early .. nizam and hairul should be reaching in abt 10 min time.. gonna study today wif them.. yea today is thursday.. and tml is my maths exam.. i gonna revise my maths entirely today.. got to at least know how to do all.. careless mistake is okay la.. but if dunnoe to do.. die! haha.. i realise that i am quite lucky to have only 2 papers for the examination.. i heard people are taking 5 papers or wad.. But the mass com people are aready on holidays since last week.. they have no exams.. they only have presenation and that kind of stuff.. lol.. what i do really miss having fun when the examination are nearing .. is SOCCER!! wahh.. no skool training.. no court soccer in skool.. damn sian.. i bet wif u next week after my eltech exams.. i gonna choing to play soccer haha.. well maybe this examination break is also good of my injured ankle.. i dunnoe whats really wrong wif it.. but yea its still not fully recovered.. so yea.. its not as strong as ever... i got to train to my tip top condition agian.. when i can just run non stop and creating chances for the team.. be it scoring or assisting..

well i am alone here infront of the cheers in my skool.. behind the bus stop... just sitting here enjoying the wind and looking at the people around in groups... well .. people might think i am a loner or some thing haha. .well.. i am waiting for my frens so yea i am not.. listening to songs wif my headphones.. too bad i cant download songs in skool.. they kind of block it or something.. also i got no games in my laptop haha.. cause i reformated it!! hrmm i got movies that i downloaded from irc but no idea how to watch them.. its somekind of weird file formats..

well.. how i wish everyone is in skool and exams are over.. we can go jamming or play soccer... lol.. its 2 months break!! gonna work for a few days for sure.. hacing chalet and yea maybe my family gonna have a holiday at this lighthouse which i went ages ago.. its a small island off singapore.. its has only a lighthouse and 2 chalet houses
its really small..
can say its only 3/4 of the soccer field size haha definately gonna bring my laptop.. bring my guitar.. bring my ps2.. bring alot of moives.. bring alot of food!! haha.. gonna have fun duo.. having foc chalet and class chalet too.. it will be a time really for me to relec.. but can be boring la.. so i kind of expected it.. next month i am gonna start fasting!! wahahahha.. than 1 month later its hari raya.. a time to get really really busy hahaha =) well it would be nice to see all my cousins and relatives once agian..

i am gonna end 1/6 of my skool life in poly.. i felt like it just went pass just like that.. its freaking fast la.. hahaha but i only will finish studying here entirely in 2009 wah.. lol.. than i enter ns in june 2009 around there... finish ns by 2011 june! omg that really sound damn far.. i would be hrmm.. 23 years old by than.. no idea what my future brings yet.. omg i sound so damn old la.. i am only 18 now.. 23 is like 5 years later.. everyone that i noe around me definately is gonna look different like mad..

i guess its a time to really enjoy my time in poly haha.. wahha i just called nizam he say 15 min more .. omg.. i am so damn bored here alone la.. and there are people playing at the soccer court.. but its sizzling hot now la .. the sun is like a volcano haha.. guess i just reserve my energy.. =) btw i have a soccer game this sunday but than i having exams on monday.. hrmm.. thats intresting yea? haha.. last sunday i played okok la i think. i guess i under performed.. this sunday i gonna give all out.. hope ayat is comming so yea our partnership can bring us more goals..

haiz.. damn.. i guess i continue surfing the web around haha and maybe just sleep or something so yea..
rock on mates!

here by me

hello everyone agian =) well exams this friday and next comming monday and than its holidays.. today went to skool actually to attend this eltech lecture abt A.C circuits but than i end up going library studying on my own and watch movie wif ayat.. lol.. had quite a fun time studying today... so yea quite good la.. but still alot to study for me.. haiz...
nothing much to say tonite.. so sowie
but i have a song in mind here
its a very nice song

Here By Me

I hope you’re doing fine up there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can’t take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you’re not here
I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

x2
And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

life is short

hey everyone.. i haven been blogging for quite awhile.. maybe because i was busy thinking and that point of time i have nothing to say much.. so yea now .. maybe i shall type out some of my thoughts.. dun know if they make any sense.. but this is what i come to after all the thinking.. hrmm..
life is short and temporary but life after is eternal.. everything i do now.. i am confused what my future brings me later.. i haven been flashbacking my memories for the past 2 years.. what happen.. seriously.. what i missed the most was when i was in love wif my previous galfren.. besides that.. maybe how i work my way up towards my music? this 2 things that i recalled.. god i am sure i do miss those times.. and now things are just going the way i din expected it to.. and people come telling me that everything is all right and its normal.. well.. i am sad to say that its just not i wanted it to be.. its like .. hrmm .. u noe.. just becoming a swinger .. playing around wif people hearts that kind of stuff.. and the meaning of love to me is like so simple and kind of dumb.. its damn stupid la i think.. u have someone who u called yur bf or gf than.. the only thing that u do is that yur just be there physically and just say all this mushy words and than u forgive everything.. besides that maybe u have fun dating and all that kind of sweet things.. BUT .. this is the part which i really look into.. yea But when you find yurself into a big big trouble and the whole world is gonna crush on you.. espcially when u quarrel wif yur bf or gf.. will he or she still be there for you ? ya they can like confort you.. but the thing is that they are not always by yur side giving you all the support you need.. it used to be that love is like u can find it like fishes in the sea.. but now.. you just take a good freaking look.. the sea is polluted.. just my luck that i came across wif this gal not long ago who really ruin it.. just spoilt the meaning of it.. well well.. i am not gonna avenge this on anyone else.. but i just have to say that i am quite disappointed of how things are now.. and its sad.. freaking SAD!! imgaine the divorce rate in 10 years time.. my words.. if u dun believe.. u wait and see..

well well.... i guess it would be a very long time till i am lucky enough to find one agian.. someone who will make me believe in love once more.. or else its all bullshit i can say.. oh yea.. this is a phrase i thought of when i thought of my past.. "Let me see you once agian, so that we could know wad we need and at least i have the chance say goodbye to someone i remembered always" its sad for me how it ended more than a year ago.. but yea.. well.. i admit i took things for granted even now ? i watched a moive just now wif zul "the click" its like showing things that i believe that it could make sense.. and its damn sad .. DAMN DAMN SAD when you took things for granted and you never have the chance to tell the one you love that you love him or her.. omg.. its really sad la i watch the show.. he had a rewind of his life showing how he treated his dad.. and he just din look at him and din entertaint his day.. and that was the day his dad died ! omg.. haiz.. i guess that being emo at times like this for me maybe its good.. ya never noe.. cause all i noe now is that i have to be a better man..

i always had this idea to kind of look up back to my ex and at least have a chat wif her.. but than.. i guess.. maybe its not the time or maybe.. i should just move on and i might happen to catch her someday agian.. its very hard for me to forget because it was the first time i crave someones name into my heart.. and its the only one i had.. so yea.. i just have to face the facts and move on..

times like this.. i will always remember who were there for me.. and never ever take things for granted..

rock on mates =)

wadf

what a time to wake up.. its 1.30pm in the day .. and its saturday! .. damn freaking tired... yesterday zul and cheng leong overnite at my crib.. so yea.. maybe we stayed up a bit too late lol.. well.. we went to skool yesterday cause zul had to take the test for his c programming.. and me and cheng leong just chill around to wait for him.. omg the new cheers which open in my skool.. well.. its wasnt really anything much i can say.. its like so empty.? guess maybe its beacause it is an outdoor one ? lol.. and its NOT 24HOURS!! how in the blue hell can i ever enjoy ? lol.. it closes at 8 plus.. sucks rite? after soccer cannot enjoy a good bite =( exams are commming i aint start a single revsion how dumb that can it be.. i just dun feel right these days..

back the habit

today had an A02 meeting agian! =) was really happy to see all of them once agian.. i will never forget.. the point of that i din wanna leave jj because of them.. it was nice seeing vicknesh,chee png,ji shen,celestine,kuinoi,yuvette,matani,ebigal,xinyi and germaine once agian.. really made my day.. oh ya i am so sowie kui noi i forgotten to wish u a happy 17th birthday!! i came late duo.. because of some idiot!! chengleong!! wahha idiotic sia.. go take my jeans and run away.. left me in my underwear only.. waste my time and made me miss 2 bus!! lol.. played soccer at the new court agian.. was really going wild just blasting the ball here and there.. at least i scored a few hehee.. today my skool had a bazar, giving free drinks.. ayat treated me ice cream cause he think that the gal that is selling it has looks?? hahaha... went to library to play this stupid drum game wif ayat.. always wanan challange me.. its in my blood.. of course u noe who won.. :P

i been quite radical these few days.. gettling loose all over just pouring my emotions out by ya noe.. talking wad i felt like.. i could like suddenly get serious over something.. people say i am shy.. but i say that once u make me feel welcome.. i become a irritating bastard!! haha... tml thinking of going back to skool to do maths wif ayat.. not really sure duo.. but yea they are comming to my house to jam =) hope that exams are over and i pass all of them.. 2months break follows on!! yea.. time to WORK!!! MONEY I NEED!! hahai wanan get a new guitar.. please someone spon me lol.. oh ya next week i am starting to fast! wah.. and than it would hari raya!!! money agian once more.. hehe..

last nite i slept at 5am thanks to ayat and zul talking to them all night.. its gay!! lol.. but yea.. me and zul wrote out a few songs aready.. me and him not long ago had been broke off by our relationships.. so yea.. we start writing thigns out.. and out album is gonna send a message to all those who cheated us... and some other stuffs..

High

H.I.G.H

the new band which i formed from my current class..
cheng leong -drummer
zul - bass
rudy - guitar
ming - guitar & keyboard

we are a new band... cheng leong and zul just started.. training them now.. gonna be the next electrico in singapore someday? haha.. i am so happy that we are doing this.. so that i can continue my passion for music.. my dream thing.. so yea.. now not really focusing on vocalist.. because we need to have good music first.. so yea vocals.. maybe soon la.. finding one now =)

backah

hello everybody its me back in action blogging =)
well welll today rudy cheng leong zul came my house to have some fun hahaha.. we jam and we video ourselves it was really hilarious hhaha... its insanity... omg its been a long while since i went so high just playing guitar lol.. yea yea.. had fun.. past few days..? i can say that time really flys.. its amazing that its aready weekend and i dun feel like i went to skool? lol.. haha.. i dunnoe why la.. but time really flys..
i wonder =)

rock

OMG I ENJOYED BAY BEATS!! ELECTRICO ROCKS OH YEA!! i was screaming and jumping and all that .. wat a way to end my weekend.. seriously they inspired me deeply once agian to be a musician someday hahaha.. its really awesome la.. love the way they rock.. rock really hard.. haha.. amanda as pretty as ever =) ahhaha... so yea.. tml skool oh yea btw i lost my hp =( sad case la.. so yea i go rest now hahaha

song?

i am really bored through the night.. staying up wif zul .. oh yea.. i got my laptop back yea =) so yea been thinking really alot.. listening to loving memory by alter bridge.. reminds me of jjc .. i close my eyes to see.. and yea they are a part of me.. its the lyrics in the song.. nice yea? feel like making a song now.. hrmm... the title should be.. what is love.. yea.. it has been the question that keeps going on through everyone at least once a life time..

What is love?

i couldnt answer myself why i felt that way,
just watch myself make the same mistake agian
i've been rejected number of times,
asking myself what is love

the love that i dreamt?
the love that i thought?
but what i saw was....

CHORUS

Nothing i ever dreamt of
Nothing i thought it would be
Cause after all,
Love is a game
A game to play
When two falls in love..


haha i dunnoe if this will do.. i just make a short one first la.. =)

hey

omfg ... i am soooo excited.. okok.. this is what happen.. someone adds me on msn.. and i ask WHO ARE U? and he replied... SOMEONE WHO U THINK U MIGHT KNOW... haha and i looked at his dp.. omg.. its her bf.. u noe my hrmm.. bf.. then keep asking me things what happen.. hahaha okoko.. u noe wad matters most? it settled for mE!! omg... i am like finnally FINALLLY CLEARED!!! WHEW! mates.. i am out clean and yet the other side is letf wif more shit to clear.. haha.. okok.. now its all about friends and family.. ITS CLEARED CHOP 1000 times settled whew!

now days.. love is hard to find.. because people just say i love you without their whole heart.. maybe the world today made the communication so good that u can find another better one so easily so yea.. its possible to like love someone else instead of just one.. thats why i always love classic tales.. its more of a kind of 1 to 1... omg come on i just got screwed up by my previous one and now telling me that regreted going with me because i am just too popular?? while on the back she is wif someone else.. fuck it mate.. ever since i knew about this.. i try my best to find all the reasons in the world to forget about her.. seriously.. AHH BULL SHIT LA!! YUR SPOILING MY WORLD OF LOVE.... thats why i think gays have the best love in the world sometimes.. its like so hard to find gays.. and they just have that love which is deeper and better than most of the gal and guys who are in love!! OMG !! WHATS WRONG IS WITH THIS WORLD!! haha i think i gonna compose a song like that some day.. sayyinng that gays love is better than normal love for todayh... its such a disgrace to man everywhere and me..

love currently just sucks to me now .. cause all i hear is screwed up people..
maybe once in a million.. i got to be 100 times more strict wif my rules now .. or else i gonna get into another major accident agian.. lol..

now its all in my own world.. if u wanna be part of the ride.. think twice if yur worth a try.. and make sure that u know wad u want.. even as a fren.. just hate when things just screw

so yea.. rawk on!

pissed

I AM SO DAMN MAD!! MY LAPTOP CANNOT BE REPAIR!!!! WTF WTF!! SAY THE PART ALSO NO STOCK!!! WTF IS WRONG MAN!! I NEED IT BACK BADLY!! shit mates... got to continue carry my bro's 3.5 KG !! LAPTOP TO SKOOL!! haiz... nvm... i think i gonna load everything into his com tml aready.. i dun care.. i need to study..

update

hey hey hey sup mates!! woho haha
life has been going allrite for me now and then..
went to skool soccer trials yesterday and managed to get into the np soccer team.. damn really happy abt it despite my ankle like kind of fail to show my full potential.. its okay.. since i am in now.. i should take care of my ankle well.. been playing goalkeeper for my class team haha. last saturday.. we had a street soccer competition and won a couple of games.. all the way i played keeper.. its such a strange feeling for me cause i never like being keeper.. with my twisted ankle like this i had no choice.. so i offer my service of being a goalkeeper.. well.. some of my classmates thinks i am not good enough to be in the skoolteam.. even i heard it from somewhere.. there is nothing better i can do to fight them back but to prove them wrong one day.. its okay when people just criticise me directly, but on my back.. i think its disgusting.. so much for being a classmate.. well.. i dun intend to get mad or wad.. i should learn to be modest and just keep quiet abt it like i never heard a single thing..

besides that.. i will be playing soccer agian tml .. at the new court.. oh yea.. ngee ann have a soccer court now.. i spend like 70% of my time them after skool.. really enjoying to play with the people around here.. more time to train some skills too.. oh yea my fitness really dropped to the core.. i think now its just 40% of wad i had 5months ago.. eating soooo much now.. i am getting alitte fat hahaha..

i hope i get my laptop back today.. suppose to be yesterday , but then.. they ask my dad to call today agian.. and yea please come back to me today!! haha.. the weather is super nice now.. just stop raining.. a perfect time to sleep haha.. but ya now i got to really catch up my skoolwork.. i been missing out alot of things.. i am now fearing of not doing well for my exams later this year.. i really wanna do well.. not just pass..

oh yea.. on sunday.. zul and cheng leong camped at my house to do project and watch world cup hahahaha.. its really a disaster haha.. we 3 were like doing things at the same time.. but yea.. its like the first time i had frens who stayed overnite to just do project and watch soccer.. its fun la.. haha.. camping the whole day at home wif them.. in the end all of us slept during the match ahhahaha.. i only woke up during the penalty shootout.. my brother was like screaming all over the house ITALY!!! hahah..

the next day we went to skool together.. edman saw the 3 of us marching towards him hahah.. its the first time zul came to skool early!! because he is with me wad.. haha.. then later during break we went to zul house to take his soccer stuffs for the trials later that day .. haha guess wad... zul's dad drove us to skool in a BUS!!!! MUAHAHAH.. its like so big la.. then only 3 of us ... its just like so funny la..

now i just chilling out at the atirm to catch up some work... everyone has gone home how sad =( .. haha..

oh yea.. abt my life in general.. its much better than it used to be the past few post i made.. i am starting to open my life agian.. which is good =)
rawk on!

hello mr fish

hey.. omg i just woke up only and now its 2am haha.. slept at 6pm.. think i gonna be up whole nite =) yea i twisted my ankle last nite while playing soccer.. now its in a really bad shape.. so yea i cant walk.. haha i am really lame now.. hrmm... okok lastest update is that i am single?? lol.. its actually quite old news.. hrmm.. for those who follow my updates in my blog.. its amazing that some of you all update abt me by reading my blog lol.. but my blog is kind of slow news haha... cause i always very lazy to update my blog.. oh ya.. this person who viwed my friendster profile and read my blog.. mr fish.. i got to make my point clear for now.. i have nothing to do wif whoever u think i am with.. and please be kind to the world and stop being a bully lol.. ok enough .. dun deserve to be talk abt here anyway cause its not even on my mind.. okok.. hrmm.. i am more worried abt my poor little ankle =( given 2 days to rest.. see by friday i can recover fully..

yesterday my team was owning the whole court la.. abt 7 teams there.. we win everybody until we lost by penalty.. hhaha.. i cant wait to own agian!! i think that my time has come.. =) i mean time to really open up my world once more! the world of music and soccer.. yea yea passion is the key.. ever since skool started i am drifting away from my dreams.. now i am slowly gathering a band in my class to really go into full gear.. and exams just around the corner.. in august!! haha..

i just feel like talking abt love now.. hrmm.. i think that my thoughts abt love has change quite a little bit.. and the best song is by SUM41 - Pieces.. omg.. remember this line mates.. " I try to be perfect, but nothing was worth it" its so damn true.. it has been quite a while since i been in deep love.. and lost my faith in love.. it used to be a very big thing for me.. now it seems like the meaning is gone and not that amazing as i used to think of.. maybe if someone who do believes it deeply as how much i do then it would be different.. i mean like not everyone would think so highly of love.. so yea.. its still a long path ahead of me..

i think i am begining to start loving my classmates more somemore.. not in gay sense but in brotherhood.. i almost lost them due to love.. and now since i let everything go besides my frens.. its really awesome to be back in business wif them =) i mean like i laugh the loudest agian and really yea that high in life agian.. thanks mate..

i know that i made a mistake and regret quite a little.. but i cant just keep looking back at it.. its time to leave everything behind and see whats ahead in life.. cause its the only way i am gonna be happy and be myself.. so yea thanks for reading my blog.. i din though u all bothered to read my trash haha...

nites RAWK ON!!!

ming

HELLO MATES!! wowhoo.. haha just finish 13hours of work today.. tml my pay gagi UP ! 30 cents perhour more hahhaa.. power.. 14 more hourse to OT OT OT OT!! wowhoo haha.. anyway i am really excited abt saturday night.. cause i gonna camp at my work place overnight!! and guess who is the vip?? HAKIM!! woot woot wooT!!! haha.. omg i really miss him alot lots lots misses.. and he is gonna go to ns =( awhh... but he is gonna be a man yea.. yea bro .. dun forget our plan that we like next door haha.. i think our neighbours are gonna be fucking piss off wif the noise level.. cause its gonna be Boom boom BOOM everyday like how we used to hang out at west coast.. relec only yea... i bored u bored.. just walking distance to the park and chill out.. i guess hakim doesnt read my blog. soo.. yea.. anyway wat matters its inside here <3 =) rawk on bro..

soo yea.. i am quite suprise i did make someone feel special abt a event i made not long ago.. a crazy bbq infront my house.. in the park... and that man is non other than my sweet puffly vocalist KHAIRUL.. kai in the house yea.. haha.. he kind of said to me.. "ming.. lets have bbq once agian over at yur place yea? its the best bbq i ever had in my entire life.. i mean like its fun la.. let do it once more =)" OMFG u noe how touched i felt that mate? owhh.. it was yea.. melting me .. haha.. never did i expect to like u noe.. haha.. and yea khai at the end of this year.. we gonna party over at my place? yea? or best we make our own chalet la.. u noe.. my class chalet or some stupid shit grp of frens i bbq wif.. i think my homemade bbq is the most fun la.. and oh yea.. u noe why..?? cause HAKIM IS THERE!! omg.. he makes a big impact to the party la.. he is the man..haha this are the kind of things thats makes me feel happy in this world.. friends whom i spend my times wif .. the moments that we always had.. =) bros for life..

anyway.. oh yea.. steph u tagged my board=) hahaha.. yea.. glad u did cause it kind of like revive my blog agian.. so yea thanks sweetie.. and oh yea.. i am in the next 5 .. hahha quite suprise my name is there in yur blog steph.. thanks =) i dunnoe why.. but it seems that i can never stop crapping wif u hahha.. so yea.. be honoured yea to have yur name here in my blog post!! haha..

so yea worked 13 hours today feel happy.. and yea.. made frens at my workplace.. 3 man.. omg.. all look so young but then they are like 22 23 23.. all uni undergrads.. pro pro.. but they are nice people la.. talk to me abt ns.. abt drving bla bla bla.. we talk and work the same time.. fun la.. and one of them studying in USA wahh!! hahha..

and yea.. i have a song in mind.. goes to someone u know who u are lol. so here it goes.. music for life! =)

Matchbox Romance - PROMISE


what would you say if i asked you not to go
to forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
would you take my hand and never let me go
promise me you'll never let me go

and the stars aren't out tonight,
but neither are we to look up at them
why does hello feel like goodbye?
these memories can't replace,
these wishes i wished and these dreams i chased
take this broken heart and make it right

I feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy

i never thought i'd be the one to say
please don't, please don't leave me

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know,
you're not making this easy

you're not making this easy... (easy, easy, easy...)

take my hand and never let me go,
take my hand and never let me go,
promise me...
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
you'll never let go
make this last forever

i feel like i lost everything when you're gone
left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
i thought you should know, you're not making this easy

you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy
you're not making this easy

so fall asleep tonight, cuz' that brings me closer to you

nice song yea? jam this song someday =)

w

today something really struck me.. something i been wondering why i been blogging since dunnoe when.. since i was sec 2? hrmm.. cause pearlyn is like so anti blogging and say that why would u wanna let people know yur personal stuffs and feeling.. for me i dun see it that way.. i mean like .. i would love to share my thoughts and feeling to everyone la.. because its something i know that it is harmless? blogging dosent mean telling people just how you feel and what u do or wad so ever.. i treat it like i am sending a message to who ever reads my blog.. why do i hate why do i love? why i do i care? everything has it reasons.. abt my feelings.. hrmm.. maybe because i really have no one to talk to? i admit i have quite a loner life but.. there is always someone who proves me wrong that i aint one.. and that is those who will always stand by me.. family or frens.. well.. what ever i blog is not always my 100% of what i think or feel causei feel that everyone have the rights the kept some thing within them.. i do have my presonal stuffs that i have kept deep inside too.. i kind of love blogging because i love sharing my thouhgts and feeling.. cause its somewhere i can really express whatever i want.. being in my own world.. being the ming he is always is.. sometimes things just keep repeating to me.. i just felt like its worthless in this life.. because whenever u wanna start anew people just cant treat u that way cause u aready gave them the impression.. so the only way i think is that just shut the fuck up and smile.. always keep it cool and steady.. i believe this will keep my temper down and learn =)

and for those who do read my blog.. i would like to say thank you for your support =) thats one of the reason why i blog.. cause people just like to read what ever rubbish i type somehow hahaha... i dunnoe why but thats the way it is... tml gonna work agian.. 9.30am.. so yea nites amigos.. RAWK ON!

back

hello people.. sorry haven been blogging quite some time... came back from chalet few days back.. okay had fun.. world cup fever and all that.. and i lost quite alot =( i been feeling sick since dunnoe when.. just cannot recover fully.. guess must be the way i rest or something.. tml gonna start work aready.. expecting to at least get 500 plus... gonna save the money and maybe use 50 to bet on something haha.. clear all my debts also.. i think my debt can sum up to 100 sia.. working the entire whole week.. guess that all my fun is over now =( talking abt my previous post being like so fucked up.. i guess things are getting clearer now for me... i had a good talk wif chee fatt abt my worries and everything.. think that i am being too self centered sometimes..so ya.. this shouldnt had happen la.. anyway i still haven mention my sweetheart yet in this blog.. so ya those who dun noe was going on for me .. so yea i am attached now =) abt 1 month plus aready la.. btw her name is pearlyn.. got to know her from ngee ann.. okay la.. i dun wanna say anything much here cause i scared i say wrong thing later she come kill me hahha.. jkjk... i dun think she noes i blog la.. haha.. well.. i am actually quite surprise of how things happen.. never did i expected things to be so fast for us.. but it has been a hell of a ride la.. still building up together.. so yea.. the only sad thing for us is that i hardly get to have my time wif her.. so ya.. its has been quite sensational to just get used to things now.. things i still yet to tell her i haven .. haiz... as time goes on i hope i still now wad i am doing and i am still the man i used to be.. as happy as always =)

fuck fuck

i wanna get out of this house aready la.. fuck man my dad.. i noe my fault i skip lessons then u noe wad.. tml i got chalet he dun let me go .. say i go hotel sleep better wtf right.. fuck la.. i gonna leave tonight vanish far away.. this is the the alot of time i been thinking about this.. i am trap at home .. fucking trap.. i cant do anything much to get out of this fucked up place... i gonna a letter to give my reasons of awol.. fuck la.. its holidays and no going out.. fuck it.. if u gonna control a 18 year old son at home fucking sick at just doing nothing at home.. its way of my limits.. the laws even states that if yur 16 or above u can just roam around wifout yur parent concern.. so yea.. i am being treated even worst than that... i can even just torn or chill out... i am aready the lowest point of my life and yet he smacked my head just now.. u push it too far away aready.. he said this if u wanna live like this get out of the house.. i go word for word this time .. i just wanna fucking kill myself..

wait and bleed

hello lads.. my laptop is down so cant update much for the past few days or even weeks.. so yea the update is that it is holidays.. and the sad news is that i think i am not as happy as i used to be due to some crisis i think i have... u see.. actually i had been in a relationship for a month i think.. at first it was all fun and all that.. and as it goes its dying out really fast and its just dont feel right.. i just dun feel the safeness of just going on like this... the fact is that she works and spends her time shopping wif her frens and ya alot of work agian.. and i just found out that me being left out ? i think i give one more week... if this really goes on and really makes my day worse just thinking about it.. i got to do something.. its never good whenever i feel this way.. and its 2 weeks holiday.. and i dun wanna just stay home and think about it.. its really painful just doing that.. its time that i should really make myself shut out to everybody except my family .. after listening to couple of angel and airwave songs.. they have this message which is that friends are always the one that make you happy.. i mean like i used to really love my life alot being happy and all that.. now its just the lowest point of time i am in now.. even its holiday and everything.. i had plans to restart my band and make a bigger impact than my previous one.. now i have 2 drummers from my class 1 guitarist or bassist and a bassist ... next whole week is jamming week... so yea.. and oh yea.. last thursday was like one of the most sad case la... after the test i actually waited for her at the atirm to recieve a call or something.. i end up leaving my class behind as they went to town.. had good fun.. wait for quite long until chee fatt and jun wei came.. and yea fuck it la.. i am going.. omg.. i never been that happy since the recent week i been to fucked up.. i laugh the loudest till cramps all that.. its not bad being gay after all..i mean happy dumbass haha.. i got to admit that if i were to compare being in a relationship now and the last one i had.. i was more confident and happier last time.. but i dun choose to live the past.. cause its over ass.. i just look ahead of my path... i guess the ones who take me higher and there holding my back.. i guess it should goes to the ones who has been there for me all these while.. you know who you are... and i never ever gonna forget the ones who were there when i am in the lowest point of time..

hate feeling this way.. but too bad.. its really reaching my limits.. you know why i love blogging. .cause it somehow share my thoughts and feelings who ever reads it.. even my brother sometimes reads it.. so ya.. it this 1 week i am not feeling anything from her.. i gonna ask for a week break.. being on my own and my frens.. see how its feels like being happy.. wad ever the decision is.. it would be right here in my arms..
i felt the hell rise up in me
nearby the clear stones of leaves
i wonder out where you cant see
inside my shell i wait and bleed..
and one thing.. i kinda of went abit of my path towards music... i just recentally start clubbing.. but one thing i noe for sure it will never be as good as a rock concert... and always remember this line my brothers.. ONCE A ROCKER ALWAYS A ROCKER!!!!

joga ell

hello ... today played the joga bandito finals at national stadium there.. got into the semi finals and lost =( we were sooo sosososososo close la.. sad sad.. and i hurt my back while i attemp to bicycle kick.. had wu shu in the morning.. did alot of practice agian as usual and i hurt my right arm while trying to break some sticks.. haiz...

hello

hello mates.. its been a really long time since i last blog here.. hrmm.. well school is good as usual.. and yea something special happen to me not long ago.. i will blog it here in my next post i swear haha.. so ya i am really really tired now.. so yea nites

thorn

omg i reached home 7am this morning hahah... last nite dnd .. hrmm.. lets start from after skool.. yea went to orchard wif debbie first to get chris present and get our bling blings for the dnd haha.. bought this peace sign bling bling.. nice =) haha and we rushed our way to the hotel.. and guess wad.. the dinner started 2 hours later.. omg.. time wasting la.. hahah.. debbie and me was aready hungry.. and yea met steph and evan and all thoese who were there la hahaha.. the worst part was that debbie and me had to sit at another table which we totally no idea who is there.. lol.. guess wad.. ADAM sat beside me haha. okay la he is the only person i know in the table.. the dinner was okok la.. the food was alrite.. the night kind of ended super fast la.. cause the dinner only started at 9plus.. under expectations la.. haiz.. anyway i kind of got half drunk? dunnoe why la.. wasnt stable and got debbie worried.. after that i sent her up to the another party.. and ya i end up sitting in the room to chill out lol.. and by the time i go down back to sent her home.. it was the dancing part which we missed .. so yea.. dnd is more like just dinner .. and then ayat came to find me.. than we joined adam and gang.. they wanted to go MOS but then got abt 5 of them underage la.. end up going to indocine.. the crowd wasnt really there.. so yea went there to chill out .. after that went to esplanade to chill out again hahha.. i wasnt really high la.. but had a long long day.. my dad was like gonna screw me when i get home .. so yea..a mixture of feelings.. high,tired,drunk,stressed,worried. haiz. i woke up at 2pm.. and yea.. i am stoning now.. since 2 to 7pm which is now.. bored to death.. adam they all going zouk but i cant go and i dun wanna waste my money yet.. maybe end of semester.. so yea.. wait for a better day tml =)

long nite in skool

hello hello... =) omg omg i went back from skool at 10.45pm? hahaha was wif ayat the whole day... i think we 2 are becoming really close buddies.. we use the same bag same pants same shoes same LAPTOPS!! hahahah omg.. so yea we stayed in skool to do revision.. yea its fun studying like that la.. cause he can teach me in a fun way la.. its fun hanging out wif him la.. cause he would always look for gals haha.. so yea.. great time spent today =) anyway tml i start skool at 2!!! muahhahaha finally a time when i can relec ... whew.. think i post some pics

helloa..

hello!!! was up was up.. omg i din blog for quite some time aready.. hrmm.. oh yea yesterday i went shopping!!! bought a new pair of shoes and bag!!! wahahhaha... loving it man!! later gonna play soccer to test out my new shoes!! haha yesterday also had a soccer game.. and i invited ayat and zul to play wif my bro team.. omg.. ayat is good la.. i think if i were to tag wif him striker.. it would be so cool.. we just have this chemistry together.. ayat scored a brillant goal.. and yea i missed a good chance to score when i blast it over the post... wahhaha.. nvm la.. it has been a long time since i last played.. so yea its quite regretful not to play often la.. ayat is really a nice guy la.. he is helping me to get into the np soccer team.. so yea.. i really wanna play soccer once more... because its just something i love to do la.. like my music!! so yea.. we going to sign up nssl together also.. yea.. and here is the bad news.. i hurt my back!! i went to head a ball.. i jumped up la.. than this guy behind bend down.. than i like kena overturn and landed on my upper back.. almost my neck.. wahha.. i thought i broke something la.. lucky its nothing much... oh yea i got to do my homework now .. so yea bye

suppppppppppp

HElloo i am in skool now ..

lec

hello people haha omg .. i dunnoe why i love going skool now.. its so fun.. just that some lessons can die la.. its like dunnoe how many lessons in a row.. hahaha.. anyway. today finally fix my laptop problem and got the visual studio !! WOHOO =) hahaha..anyway today had quite alot of fun la.. just that its freaking HOT!!! in the afternoon.. omg!! hahahah.. its sooo HOT!! la.. can burn my skin.. wahahha.. oh ya.. today this gal rachel said my red shirt made me look like mac donalds OMG!! haha than i like wad!!@#@!! hahaha.. kk tml i dress up better la =)

sup

hey today first day of skool in NGEE ANN!! omg MADNESS AHAHAHA everything every single thing is different from was i used to study in.. now everything is so high tech use laptops so study and do tutorials.. i starting to enjoy studying la.. suddenly i have this strong sense to study.. cause everything is independent learning so ya.. its all up to us to study or not.. cause at the end of the day i wanna walk out of that skool wif my diploma cert =) so yea.. omg.. my block so near canteen 1.. roxor haha.. okay la wanna sleep now so tired haha... tml i continue.. maybe in skool

woke up at 1?

hello mates.. so sowie i din blog the past few days.. cause i like couldnt find a time to blog as i have been busy hahaha.. no la.. i had been tired doing stuffs la.. omg omg tml skool starts.. but than its starts at 8AM!!! wtf.. not fair sia.. others start at 1pm.. haiz.. haha i think my course the lesssons are much more packed than other courses.. basically learn almost everything in engineering.. so yea... tml have maths hahaha.. i think my maths.. rusty!!! oh ya.. the stupid teacher go and uninstall my anti spy ware and anti virus.. than all the spy and virus comming in my com like no body business.. wahahha.. now got this stupid pop out la.. wtf.. haha i dun care i reinstall my own anti software..

wanna change this blog skin soon!!!! haaha cuase i have dreamweaver now!!! muahahahaha.. can finally make my own skins=) cool. yea.. anyway.. i got to say that i love NAGA!!! mauhahah everyone is mad in there.. all kinds and specs of people... but the weird thing is that where they live muahahah.. all over singapore la.. and some even not in singapore lol... wicked wicked... i join song composing club and cannoe polo ... soccer have to wait for the F!@#!@ trails which is in june!!!! WTF la.. so long... at least have some training session for the freshies or wad la...i was saying that i go set up my own club for the freshies to play hahaha. cause 2 months is too long la .. .wtf.. anyway afiq join my up for nssl.. hahaha COOL SHITE!!! but the thing is that all my shoes are torn =( i got to get a new one soon..
anyway i wanna go bath now..
parents bringing me out later.. collect my jeans and maybe some shopping ? hahahahah
RAWK ON!! \m/

yea

hello once agian people!! =) first time blogging on my bed and its 3.19am now.. i suddenly got worried that my laptop battery might be spoilt or the lifempend of it become very short.. lol.. seruious la.. it keeps droping by 1% each time i go check.. haha nvm think it can last until i go to sleep =)

today went out wif my mom and dad .. went to funan.. where i got my cakewalk music creator 3!!! wahaha my dad bought it for me.. =) so happy la.. cause its something i been wanting to learn.. how to compose music tracks on my very own pc.. cool eh.. and it comes wif a midi usb cable.. how cool can it be.. haha anyway.. wads even better is that my dad bought me a pair of topman jeans!! woho.. i love it.. wear it to skool everyday i swear haha.. skool next monday and tml nono later got naga outing... gonna meet themm so fun eh.. =) oh ya i spend almost my entire night checking out the new software and was chatting wif lina lol.. i show her the music which i composed not long ago.. My fairytale.. lol she go and post the lyrics at her blog la haha.. nvm.. i feel quite honoured actually someone did that... i suddenly feel like having this full burst making music agian.. it is just something i been waiting for a long time to do la..

it just feels so good la to be so free using a computer anywhere anytime.. the only bad thing is that the battery dies out quite fast.. =( if only laptop batteries are like handphone.. wouldnt it be cool? hahah.. i think my one can last less than 2 hours .. so sad la.. if the battery dies out so fast like that.. my dad gonna kill me la.. =( i need to start saving now.. and WORK! yayaya i wanna work la.. study and work... i need money so desprately now.. to meet my needs...haiz... nvm la.. now just live off wad i can get.. =)

cant wait to meet u guys later!! wohoo =) naga all the way..

yea the NAGAs!! ROXOR!! doing our trademark... no one does better than that.. can u dig that?  

suck this

today i have something that i kept low abt it since i was young... like they always say blood is always thicker than water.. but come to think about it.. for example like my cousins.. even they are younger than me.. they do push me around like i am underneath their fingers.. i was sorry for all the things i done that i might did them last time like pushing them around? i dunnoe.. but it just hurts me deeply.. i was really super ultra naughty when i was young.. so maybe they still had that image on me.. but its like too painful to live it this way.. just now had a small incident when i lost my band? the soccer id band.. i mean like its so obvious i put it on the table where i usually put wif my other bands.. and my cousin lost his.. early in the morning.. and just now he told me that he found it in his bag and i lost mine.. ever since i din wish to be treated as how i was, i tried my best to be a better person.. but than its just that its hurting la.. even playing soccer.. i know i might abit to the exterme.. but the way they talk to me isnt encouraging.. unlike when i play wif my frens? because when i play wif my other frens.. its like everything is so smooth and mistake is part of our game.. its just not nice to being humilate by my cousin thats all i can say.. trying to start a new life in poly. i wish i could just leave all this behind me and just work on towards a brighter start. respect is something that i so far never had among my cousins.. its not that i demand it.. but just that seeing others having a better way of communicating in a more brotherhood manner.. its just painful la.. but one thing i am sure is that i surely cant play soccer well wif my cousins.. its just something which is impossible since young.. trying for years.. because today we had this futsal match in the morning.. i was really hungry for glory so that we can qualify.. even we draw 0-0 i wasnt happy at all .

dont know if this is just some stupid thoughts i had or is it something i just cant keep low abt it.. anyway... i just really had when ppl enter my room and leave it a mess. cause its aready messy and they make it worse.. lol.. i just clean up a little just now.. cause i find it messy la. cant take it also and my mother also has been nagging abt my room.. skool starts in a week time.. oh man..

oh yea tuesday is NAGA OUTING!!! WOWHOOOO!!! haha.. going orchard once more.. but the sad thing is that i am broke and in dept.. i starting to feel really pain how money just go away like that.. and to earn it its really difficult..

my life has been quite messy recently.. my music my soccer my studies.. this 3 i must plan it out properly as soon as i get my full time table.. i dun quite under the time table i have now .. so yea 1st week of skool i shall see abt it first.. join some cca like soccer and yea.. think i will spend 80% of my time in skool when skool starts.. lol. i think so..

hrmm.. oh yea.. last 2 days i went sentosa wif the sports camp ppl.. yea had some fun but wasnt to the fullest la.. but had a good time.. and oh yea i pang sei 2 of my frens that day.. one is the 06A02 badminton outing at clementi and Kris playing street soccer.. i felt so bad la.. thats why i couldnt like really smile the entire day wif the sports camp ppl.. oh yea we went orchard after sentosa and yea i met hakim at his work place.. listening to some cds they have there and got intro to hakim frens working there who offer me polka =) so nice.. was wif chao wei the entire day and we took cab home together.. qing juan is so funny la.. he looks like a gamer.. cause he has that face.. that my sec skool zhi wei has ahhaha.. so yea.. just fun ppl la.. we joke in the bus and laugh till my stomach cramps hahaha..

nazrul called me at nite to confirm for ther soccer tornement the next day but i seriously cannot la.. cause my brother also sign my up for another competition.. than nazrul was like WADeVER la.. i felt like such a @#@ person.. and thats what happen to kris also.. i felt so down because of this.. and we are going to have our finals at nike futsal.. haiz... well i guess its really hard to balance the people u wanan go wif next time... now i have like 5 groups of people who i can choose to hang out wif.. so yea. .its hard la sometimes.. staying at home is the best la.. ahhaha.. :D fair play

i been lazy to blog the past few days because i been busy and my cousins slept over at my house so yea.. i dun really like ppl looking at wad i typing for my blog.. but reading it after i post would be better.. so yea... tml i gonna stay at home!!!

foc

hey i am back from foc camp!! yea let me recap from day 1

DAY 1

went to clementi to had breakfast wif guan and adam than we took cab to ngee ann.. we went striaght to the lt 26. lol.. we actually cut the long queue la.. haha.. its a super long queue.. anyway.. day 1 was really rusty.. cause i went there all thinking abt being high.. be entu..so yea i tried my best la.. but seems like the camp is like so screwed up cause we were left nothing to do for 5 hours.. so ya everyone got bored.. played stupid games... and ya.. its like so dead la.. anyway.. the night walk was something that i would say its good haha.. we were sent by twos.. and the 2nd person is my dance partner.. michelle lol.. so ya.. its a super long night walk la haha.. walk through dark areas than the ogls keep shocking us and ya.. the night walk is the best one so far .. yea it rocks.. cause its really a long and exciting walk haha.. but the bad thing is that me and her was the first few couples to be sent out so ya.. we were watching the eye 2 at the lt.. it was nice la.. so shoik than kena go night walk.. and the worst part is that we had to wait till the others finish the walk than we can go and have our supper at 2am and than sleep at 3am!! haha.. i knock out striaght away sia the first nite.. so nice.. my blanket and pillow =)

DAY 2

okay woke up fresh bath and everything.. oh ya it rain like wad.. than some stuff were cancel than we waited 2 hours to get our breakfast and we had to walk all the way to the other end of the campus.. dunnoe why must use that canteen la.. so far!! somemore its raining than must go by the sheltered way.. cannot shortcut.. alot of sports camp ppl couldnt took the boringness of the camp so they booked out.. but its actually quite sad la.. all the super on ppl going home =( but the fun did happen on day 2.. after 3 pm onwards.. all the station games.. everyone really got bonded.. i love it man. .cause somemore i took the lead for the team NAGA 1 !!! i lead the war cheer.. superb awesome and followed by the see saw saw dance haha.. its the main feature of the camp.. my team famous see saw saw.. everyone loves to see us doing it.. haha =)and yea.. the night we learn mass dance.. OMG !! its so nice la.. haha super chim but its nice.. i Like it .. haha.. i kept asking my partner can u keep up wif the pace? she always say okay.. =) good la.. so can keep the beat going.. haha... its nice la.. the song.. the movement.. really like dancing.. its mass dance..!! i haha.. i was super high that night.. and people start talking to me more.. hahaha.. so yea.. ayrif is so cute la.. he is like my buddy in the camp.. israf also.. buddies.. we talk malay wif each other.. cause i always use english.. so yea.. i felt for once so comfortable speaking malay!!! ahah and alot of ppl cant believe i am mixed la.. they either say i am chinese or malay.. lol.. and yea i was sooooo high!!!but i kena the worst at the butter hill wtf.. haha butter and oil all over my body !! than go eat dinner like that la.. so gross.. but everyone had their fun.. i am proud of that =) mauhaha..

DAY 3

omg day 3 is the moment i got to talk abt.. haha first we started out wif war games.. wif water bombs damn fun la.. cause we use smart ideas to win so cool rite.. i love my ogls.. super funky and cool guys and gals.. than the station master blast off la.. scold us for F@!#!@ no reasons.. than we kena burn in the sun.. than collin my division head say he would go and screw the station master later for spoiling our mood la go scold us like wad.. than like that.. after that we were okay.. we had water games!! i was sooo exicted that i wanted to just jump into the pool but i din la.. cause i was chosen to be the model for NAGA!! wwahahahhaa.. i was like wahh.. iwanna swim la.. haha.. but than it was worth it .. cause i was like dress up into a sexy sea serpent and to catwalk and entertain infront for 500 plus people!!!!! whahahahaha.. omg if i have the pic i will let u all see.. haha because of that.. i manange to lead the whole battlion for NAGA 1,2 & 3 to fight the other 3 groups.. i did some dance and pole dancing haha.. they were like wow.. when i pole dance la.. haha.. omg.. than i shout the cheers... NAGA ARE YOU READY FOR WAR!@@!!!!!!??? haha.. that superb.. love it.. the cheers..i felt so touch when the whole naga cheer they were proud of me.. =) i was super high high high.. haha.. seriously i cant dance for nuts la.. suddenly they say things like i sexy when i did the pole dance bla bla hahaha.. but its kind of nice la... at least its not a bad thing to be sexy rite?? haha.. watever la.. anyway.. after that we had to plan for out campfire performance..we plan a dance THAT THING YOU DO and a super cheer.. haha.. i raise my voice to the top of the convection center roof wifout the mic hahaha.. i lost my voice because of that.. but its superb la.. BANG BANG BOOM BANG BANG BOOM !!!WOWOWOOWOoo i was super high.. everyone said i become super high on the stage leading the cheer somehow haha.. but it did made me know more people cause its nice la.. they were like wow u are so high while doing the cheer nice one bud.. and yea get to know more ppl its nice la.. omg the part which i always kena disturb that i scandle wif this gal from my grp la.. cause the 2nd day station game.. i was like focusing looking and cheering for the team than she accidently kiss me on the cheeks which i din realise?? than she suddenly omg sorry i acciddentally kiss and my WHOLE GROUP wAS like OOOHHH!!!!SCANDAL SIA!!! wahhahahaha... i like wtf? haha i dunnoe wad happen la.. but i was named scandal at the end of the day.. lol..super fun la.. after that we had a dancefloor open till 4am.. i danced until my legs so tired hahaha.. everyone was super damn high.. hahaha.. really made alot of frens.. so happy to met them all.. cool peeps.. so yea.. ride on.. i mean like its like this is the begining for my life.. i feel really happy being there.. being a feshie,a buddy,a fren,a stranger,a leader, a commander! haha funny sia.. ayrif kept shouting commander ming come come faster lead the cheer hahaha.. iwas like hrmm.. hahahah.. but its fun la.. leading a big group cheering.. =) i was really super high on the last nite.. shaking my head all the way..

DAY 4
i slept on the track la halfway talking to my members!! haha than they draw all over me la.. hahaha... i woke up abt 1 hour later.. than my ankle kena jam.. haha.. someone carried me all the way to the hall.. and all the medics came to assist.. super pain la.. i cant even stand on both legs.. so ya.. its because i slept while sitting down my legs cross.. haha ... anyway.. after that we had breakfast... BURGERS!!!! mauhahaha.. than we had our photo taking session.. which was awesome.. we did the see saw saw and the retarded faces hahaha.. super cool... than mass dance.. wohoo.. so fun la.. but after that we had the emo ending.. the gal sing until so emo la.. than alot of ppl cry.. its quite sad la.. how we wish if we were class mates.. and yet still skool mates.. so yea.. hug everyone around yea.. see ya around buddy.. =) i hope that next time we meet anywhere. u guys will always rememeber the time we were togther when we cheered , laughed,played and cried.. so yea.. after that went to kap wif the nagarians and gls.. haha.. than we talk cock session quite long.. than went home take cab wif the naga peeps.. haha so yea..

haha okay this is the summary of how my 4 days la.. if u want to know more.. can ask la.. cause i think i should dun inculde some stuff cause its censored hahaha.. kk =) RAWK ON

sup

hello mates going to camp tml agian !! FOC CAMP HERE I COME BABY!! muahaha... wohoo.... i kept swinging my head all over the air recently cause i am really high now!! kk i shud up now see ya all back on thursday.. dun say i action cause eh.. u noe who i am talking abt =D

np

helloo.... sup mates.. yea came back from camp aready .. sports camp was great.. we played hard and cheered hard.. grp name RIO haha.. but i wasnt 100% on la.. cause there are alot ppl who are on also.. so ya i decided to be quiet for the first time =) well.. yea met alot of great ppl.. the seniors are really someone who i do look up to.. cause they deserve the respect la i can say.. the way they put up themselves.. its good.. cause the camp is 100% run by the seniors. no students.. its amazing that the camp is so steady... play quite alot of sports... like 4x100 long jump high jump volley ball floor ball dragon boat kayaking canoe polo captain ball in the swimming pool! haha.. cheerleader stuns.. and yea throw potatoes.. haha.. the last day was the most gross part la.. we kena butter oil paint and spoilt milo.. super gross la.. than under the hot sun.. i kena sun burnt =( haha.. but it was all fun la i can say.. the cheers are were awesome.. after all i felt quite happy to be in np.. =) the people around are just socialble.. so yea.. made alot of frens.. my grp alone is like 30 plus.. plus the cgls and other grps.. think abt 60 plus or more new ppl i met to be frens.. haha.. oh ya.. how can i forget this ... the food was BRILLIANT!!!! WOHOOO.. even it was chicken all the way.. but it rocks!!! bbq chicken chicken chop kfc chicken style.. nasi lemak fried rice.. superb la.. !!! haha.. okay now i looking forward to FOC camp.. which the camp would be abt 4 times bigger muahaha...=D

anyway yesterday nite i went to watch acjc tempest.. which cost 25 bucks!! wahhaha.. i only paid 10 so far cause its really alot la.. the play was acceptional.. i can say.. cause i din understand the whole thing but got a main idea of it.. than i reflect abt wad i could do wif 25 dollars.. haha i rather go watch 2 movies in a row and have a meal or play lan for the whole day la.. haha... haiz.. nvm la too bad i aready bought the ticket anyway.. it was at dbs arts center which is just beside beach bar only la.. the everton supporters gathering is over there.. so yea. i been there quite alot of times.. well i really restrict myself from going out these few days.. cause the transport is expensive and i have little cash.. so yea i am gonna camp home till foc camp!!! muahahhaa.. sowie mates unless go play soccer at west coast... well yesterday met kris brayan liying eric and mike agian since dunnoe when...last week? i think so... din talk much to them expect kris and bryan.. i think i kind of lost touch wif them... i guess that they have their own reasons of being busy la.. they do contact among themselves... ya only bryan and kris the one left who still keeps in touch wif me.. i got a strong feeling that i am gonna fade away soon from their lives.. cause i am gonna be quite busy in np now... lol.. almost everything i wanna do can be in my own skool la.. unless they wanna meet at kap regularly.. which we promised to la..but so far we din really had such meeting =( sad rite.. haha..

anyway.. yea.. FOC camp here i come.. and oh ya liying thanks for the shirt lol... its from hong kong rite.. ? yea nice shirt thanks.. one more collection of shirt i have now haha... btw i have a fren who stays near my house also go np but he is in AT guan!!! wahaha.. got someone to go skool wif aready.. yea 3 years!! we also go ns together like that.. gonna be my buddy for sure.. i swear haha.. some he study the course i interested la.. i gonna hunt him down hahaha.. kk i shall stop here.. gonna have my keyboard lesson .. i haven been practicing .. gonna die sia!! haha..

yawns in the morning

hello once agian.. =) omg 1 last song to post b4 i go.. haha its a boyband song but yea its nice la.. by westlife if i let you go

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before

And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you
You speak to my heart
It's such a shame
we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose

And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go?

going to camp

hello mates i am going to camp tml morning.. yea good isnt it ? i am gonna be away.. miss ya all =) if u wish to update me.. just tag my board the happenings.. thanks if u do.. my bag is so big la haha.. super jumbo size.. but who cares.. its gonna stay in the room anyway.. so yea.. i now listening to american pie band camp soundtracks.. really cool.. smooth and nice flowing... my emotions pouring out in the night.. feels really good =) was chating wif bryan just now on msn.. were like pouring out our trouble and doubts.. and he remembers wad i used to say to him lol.. haha.. bryan if yur reading this.. i chat seriously sometimes ya noe.. i mean like i really take it in and i do think abt what we last chat abt.. not everytime but at least i do... yea... when yur down.. stand up and take a look around.. and keep on moving.. cause if u dont u will be stuck the haze of troubles.. well.. i just love this line from sum41 'i try to be perfect but nothing was worth it' haha its nice la.. too many songs have gone through my head.. and changing my thoughts.. i think music has somehow control my emotions.. dunnoe if its good or not.. lol... anyway.. i love the music i listening now.. cant wait for camp to start tml and now its 2.30am and i have to wake up at 7.30am lol.. 5 hours.. haha.. kk i think i better stop here.. oh yea.. thanks for everyone who is reading my lame shit blog haha.. cause sometimes its hard to understand what i am saying here.. well i shall end this entry which i told bryan just now.. i am trying my best to enjoy life now.. no worries no doubts.. just go on and enjoy! =) cause i am Mr Brightside... !! haha rock on dude

iho

THE HELL SONG!!! BY................. SUM 41!!!!


Everybody's got their problems
Everybody says the same thing to you
It's just a matter how you solve them
And knowing how to change the things you've been through
I feel I've come to realize
How fast life can be compromised
Step back to see what's going on
I can't believe this happened to you
This happened to you

It's just a problem that I'm faced with
Am I not the only one who hates to stand by
Complications that are first in this line
With all these pictures running through my mind
Knowing endless consequences
I feel so useless in this
Get back, step back and as for me
I can't believe

Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Anymore

Everybody's got their problems
Everybody says the same thing to you
It's just a matter how you solve them
But what else are we supposed to do

Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
Part of me, won't agree
Cause I don't know if it's for sure
Suddenly, suddenly
I don't feel so insecure
(Anymore)
Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being our choice
(Anymore)
Now that I find out it ain't so bad
I don't think I knew what I had
(Anymore)
Why do things that matter the most
Never end up being our choice
(Anymore)
Now that I find out it ain't so bad
I don't think I knew what I had

hello

hello mates.. tml is my camp and i haven pack a single thing yet lol.. i am addicted to this song now.. pieces.. by sum 41 it rocks.. !! =) omg tml camd and i going for a soccer match during the camp.. yea yea big day out tml till thursday... u noe sometimes i wondered the things i done day by day.. sometimes i felt that i should had done something else.. now i have all the time in the world. and when skool starts.. i can make my own time table.. 3 years.. yea.. i guess its gonna be a hell of a ride.. i been playing soccer non stop for 3 days.. and tml would be the 4th.. yesterday went to ccab to play wif kris and his acs baker frens.. its super hot la.. in the morning till noon.. than i and kris chill out in the toilet in our shorts lol.. lying down on the seats and just daze and talk talk.. haha.. after that we went kap to eat macs than we walk to beauty world to get his pants... lol.. than walk back la.. somehow we have this chemistry to just talk alot haha.. i dunoe why but it doesnt work on everyone.. there are frens who i can just talk non stop... and laugh laugh and yea just talk alot of things la under the sun or moon..

well i cant change for the sake of the people because its me =) its not worth it la.. i wun be happy myself like that.. anyway.. today played at tanglin sec ... played only 15min? wtf? haiz. hope tml play full game.. so yea can score more goals.. anyway i got this catchy tune last nite.. wanted to make a song out of it but lost my spirit =( the line is I WANNA BE THERE WANNA BE THERE YEA YEA YEA =) lively and funnky tune .. haha gonna figure it out someday .. sum 41 rocks they rule my life from now on... their songs is always i am better of dead or i am better of my own.. lol... sounds so loner? well i am la.. admit it =) cause i spend like 95% on my own so yea.. makes me offically loner..

this room is so empty..that i am better of dead.. lol.. wtf... anyway.. i think too much music can make me go crazy sometimes.. there was one time i wanna be like slipknot.. haha.. rasing up hell .. anyway.. camp i tml tml tml tml tml yea yea yea wooohooooo... hehehehe... SO AM I STILL WAITING... FOR THIS WORLD TO STOP HATING... CANT FIND A GOOD REASON... CANT FIND A HOPE TO BELIEVE IN .!!! teTEteDa TEteda wohoooo!!!

ROCK ON!!!!!!! \m/

Thats my yummy cake!! Banana CHOCOLATE!!! MUAHAHA 

Yea my 3 mates who made my cutting session more lively.. haha... cant remember the last time i had to blow the candles.. anyway.. thanks mate.. i know ya love the cake yea? its rich in chocolate. muahaha.. YUMMY!! 

18 years old

hey.. i am finally 18!! wohoo.. yea i am a young adult now yea.. yea.. woho.. and i going to poly where they treat the students like adults ... which is awesome.. cause we get our freedom.. =) i also just got my crumpler bag.. hahaha.. my dad bought it for me.. so cool...this is just the beginning.. its feels good.. oh yea i feel so good i feel so good.. oh yea yea yea!!! omfg.. camp is just in 2 days time.. muahah.. kk crazy me

Sup bros... kai my vocalist on the left.. help him get the shirt from topman la haha.. mine also topman jacket.. center is chee fatt.. the crazy dude in slippers for prom.. haha.. can see his blue underwear la.. haha.. GGW.. not gals gone wild.. its GUYS GONE WILD!! haha 

RAWK ON BLOOD BROTHERS !! =) i loved that hair hahaha..  

my 3 cousins.. it has been awhile since i last met them.. =) how ya doing? 

The cake yea.. thanks mates!! =)  

The class gathering at jp =) 06A02 for life ! 

go

hello mates.. been quite a while since i blog yea? haha anyway.. had A02 class dinner yesterday at jp.. thanks for the cake and the song =) its really unfortunate to see wat happen in jj la.. dun really wanna talk abt it.. i mean like it disturbs me hearing abt the comments and all.. so ya.. all i wanna have is peace so yea.. chill it mate.. it was great meeting up wif the class agian yesterday.. hearing their happenings in their jc.. yea its true i got nothing much to say cause i am home all the time and yea.. ahah.. but its nice hearing what ppl say..

anyway camp is next monday.. sports camp.. haha.. gonna try all kinds of sports.. free sparing?? haha wow.. of course i will wanna play soccer.. i dun really know what is gonna happen yet but yea.. i hope i get to meet some nice ppl =) and the week after that camp would be the FOC camp.. haha they say that camp u gonna enjoy.. haha i dunnoe yet so yea.. keep up reading this blog i will tell ya wads happening in my skool.. its gonna be alot alot alot of stories by than.. also went back to np 2 days ago.. to follow chee fatt pay his school fees and enrolment.. i cant stand the hall la.. got 2 halls like that.. the seats can be push to the walls and like make more space.. and its wooden floor haha.. i just love the sound system.. it rocks.. haha was telling jun wei and chee fatt that if one day can have concert here.. power!! haha.. after that we had lunch at canteen 2.. haha there are 5 canteens in the skool!!! the one i went is just beside the sports complex.. the swimming pool there.. the chicken rice is only 2 bucks haha.. the other time i kena con la.. eat the nasi padang.. 3.50 super ex la.. still have quite alot of things to explore in np for me la.. haha.. they say the library is super high tech.. that np grads from uni come back here to use the library .. haha so it must be damn good la.. haha.. the only sad thing is that my block is at the back of the skool.. near the pub there i think? yea WE HAVE A PUB!!! haha.. and its link to SIM by a canteen or a gate.. so yea.. its really a big campus to me.. first time =)

its quite weird to go skool wifout uniform for now haha.. but its all the fashion ove r there haha.. gonna meet posers!!! and some cool shit fashion.. haha.. and yea the LAPTOPS!! muahaha i gonna use it like mad.. now aready using it like mad at home la... download so many songs and movies.. and i just transfered wc3 here la..MUAHAH the graphics rocks =) super awesome.. hrmm guess i stop here yea? haha

ROCK ON!! \\// <3

finally

whew.. finally my headach subside.. it was horrible la last nite.. i could feel my head burning .. yes burning.. think i had fever also.. the fan directly blowing my head.. so yea.. manage to fall asleep after a while.. i feel so much better now la.. one of the worse headachs i ever had last nite... now its over wow!! today i skip wu shu told my dad not feeling well.. omg.. i dunnoe if i can even go grading la.. i skip 2 grads like that.. which is 2/3 of a belt.. haiz... well what matters is the abillty anyway =)

painj

hello.. played the soccer match today.. scored a goal.. so happy la.. been quite a while i scored.. but than still lose 4-3.. i could had scored abt 2 more.. wasted... anyway.. oh man.. everton lost sia. 10 yellow and 2 red cards.. so shit la.. van de meyde send off.. wtf wtf... haiz... bad day... i gues.. cant say much .. i having headach now and its killing me!!!

yea yea

hey.. went to np ealier in the afternoon wif chee fatt and my parents.. yea.. met cheryl and joel there haha.. awesome.. registered for the camps.. looking at the people around makes me feel anxious haha.. gonna be someone i know someday.. so far so good =) its my skool !! come on.. i got to love it.. found out that i gonna study programming for my first module.. haha yea C programming.. been wanting to study it since i was p6 haha.. serious.. and now finally its something i got to study.. way too awesome.. hope that studying something i really like will motivate me =) and yea i think i talk abt this yesterday abt daniel asking me to join him to play music for money.. yea i think its a good idea.. more exposure.. same goes to more exprience and all..

yea i gonna play soccer tml.. for coffee bean.. yea striker!!!! MUAHAHAA finally.. gonna unlesh everything tml.. and all .. my poor +10 haha.. long time no play.. and yea tml we gonna play.. hehe.. hope that my foot injury is okay.. damn pain la that time i landed on my foot bone so hard..hope tml i can play.. yea yea..

notin much to say.. so yea.. the chapter begins..

thursday?

hello... life is going in circles for me now.. almost everything i do everyday is repeating all over agian.. been staying home for 3 days.. yea.. its a pain.. daniel came over to my house to collect his application form for his SIM dip.. printed out the wrong one for him lol.. so yea.. he treated me lunch la.. so nice =) he is as usual does his long talk.. one of the things he mention that had my attention was when he asked me if i am in with him playing music at pubs or resturant. well its what i enjoy always.. music.. haha so yea we practice a few songs.. and i said that i will be a part time musician from now.. its cool.. i mean music is the beat of my life..

now everyone is busy.. i feel so alone now days.. and when its time to have fun for me.. suddenly so many people ask me out.. man.. its killing me now getting bored.. all i do now is watch movies at home sleep eat and play haha.. and i just cant stop dreaming at home!! help me.. haha..

this sucks

yea yea

yea yea looky here.. my new blog skin.. kinda of suck? haha .. i did it 4am this morning.. couldnt sleep.. dunnoe why.. btw if yur not using firefox as browser.. the video code will appear as html above here.. dunnoe why.. but yea sowie=) the navigator is above here.. just click click only la.. today is kind of a short day.. woke up at 12pm haha.. than i watched scary movie 3.. than played ps2.. and i realise some things today.. i mean like.. for the past few weeks or days.. i haven really been happy.. maybe only when i play soccer or music.. so yea.. i mean like.. its just not me.. not happy and all.. i can remember clearly that when i was sec 3.. i wished i did not need to sleep.. and enjoy every second of my life.. i would like just chat happily until i drop dead at my com desk.. when i am bored.. i would take up the guitar and strum until my fingers go numb.. than talk to my buddy hakim all that.. laugh wif chee fatt and my classmates.. i mean like i really enjoy life back than.. and all the things happen were so happening.. it was like the begining of life to me..

recently i felt like i gonna die or something haha.. but its stupid yea.. every ending has a begining.. today i was thinking all day about my music.. reading some magazines about music and recordings.. oh man.. i watched muse concert agian.. and yea.. oh man how i wished i am matt.. i would be the happiest man in the world if i could be like him..

i have been planing how is life ahead in the future.. first is doing well in poly.. and having as much fun as i can also.. 3 years.. soccer,music and study would be the only 3 things i must have in order to really be happy.. hope that within the 3 years i could at least have an album.. i think i should at least have 2 albums.. i been playing music for 3-4 years now. and yet i am playing like i learn last year.. which sucks.. so yea.. i got to start being passionate and yea.. and yea.. hope that i could at least play soccer at a higher level.. play for a club and hopefully i might get a chance to play in s league or national team someday..=) haha..

i think living without music for me .. my life would just die.. and now.. listening to tons and tons of songs.. filling up my moods.. yea.. all i wanna do is rock n roll.. RAWK ON mates..! =)

cant get my eyes off you

hello mates.. my laptop going nuts.. haha guess i have been installing to many and downloading stuff into it haha.. lucky i got it recovered back.. today haiz.. so boring la.. zhi wei say got something on than cannot go interview.. sucks =( been watching movies almost everyday at home!! wah.. such a loner life i have.. somebody save me!!!! been listening to emo songs over and over agian.. than watching SAW just now haha.. omg .. its so gross.. i never wanna have that shit feeling.. it sucks..

so this song goes.. greenday!!

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone!!


My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone..

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

passion

hello there... today i just found my old cds.. burn all my old mtv vids and songs inside.. since i was sec 3 ?? haha now i revive them into the laptop.. yea!!! oh man. blink concert videos awesome!! because of all this vidz.. i was greatly inspired each time i watch to be a rocker.. i mean like i felt the passion and the joy of being a musician .. i just love being there on the stage rocking wif my band someday.. wif the crowd responding.. also watch the mtv cribs.. oh man. give me more and better ideas how i wanna my house to be next time haha..

today wasnt really a good day cause i went to the factory agian today for the interview and it was lunch time? so yea i came back 1 hour later wif zhi wei.. and than they say come tml!! whahahahha... so yea.. tml i am going early i dun care.. affter that went home to like do all my cd and stuff.. wanted to find my half life so i can play cs.. but than can't find it.. my cd key!! =( anyway.. the good news is that i am going to the nike joga finals.. wif krisitan and nazrul.. haha!! the underdogs.. we really made it dude.. i gonna play soccer wif matin and all see who going haha.. i love soccer.. i love music.. i love my life if i can do this all my life!! haha..

anyway i watch the mtv diary.. show how billy joe armstrong talk abt his family.. yea its isnt easy to be a musician and balance family the same time.. its no point having a great career being a rocker but have no one share it wif.. its so cute when he drives his son to buy fish ..and the fish is part of the armstrong family .. hahaha.. cool.. if he was my dad.. omg.. yea.. =) seeing blink 182 agian.. made me feel so special.. i really do use to idolised tom delonge.. he is so cool..

well all i can do now is just wait wait wait and go go go go go.. haha.. somethings are meant to take and some meant to leave.. can't take them all rite.. so yea.. maybe when i have a bigger cradle next time =) lulululululu... i am going BLINK!!!! now haha.. yea rock on mates always!

time

hello mates.. yes yes yes.. i got my notebook!! =) loving it.. toshiba m100.. its 2.2kg.. not really light la. but its lighter than others.. most of them.. so yea.. i spend my whole sunday at home haha.. bored... watched the singapore local movie One More Chance.. nice show ... can cry the touching parts haha.. tml going for interview.. for the 3rd time saying this cause on saturday.. the factory was close?? haha gonna smack qing rong la.. tml going agian.. better be open now haha..

well recently i have been chatting wif some of my frens online .. having some problems.. some are quite similar to mine.. and yea.. its always like this.. i mean like when u help someone to gain confidence.. its easier said than done.. but now i guess i gain back my confidence.. after many days of wondering and all... just that i still have some unfinish business.. if ya noe wad i mean yea.. =) have been listening to this song by paparoach Scar.. nice song.. but doesnt really suit my suitation cause its like telling the person off.. which i dun.. but i like this part of the song

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

the song is nice la... emo type all that.. but than there is another song i also listen .. by lifehouse.. "you and me"
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

haha yea songs just control my emotions.. i listen to those that suits my feelings most.. well.. news for myself.. well i did chat to her alittle today.. wasnt much.. dun even noe if she did read my last post... its weird ya noe.. wondering if she reads it or not..

i got to just keep moving on.. and just keep in touch as much as i can.. this blog is something i can pour my thoughts too.. cause its like telling ya fren about yur troubles.. the things is that.. blogging here.. whoever reads it.. becomes like a fren to consult me haha.. great.. my blog has all along been my passion my tale my life

thoughts

okay today was a day agian that i think and think think think...
this feels like one month ago how it all started.. i am just gonna type everything down this time.. i discovered something last nite quite shocking.. its a secret la.. so yea.. i dun think i wanna say it here.. well its something maybe i should had know so much earlier.. i think almost everyone i know in jj noes abt me chasing this gal.. lol.. but than since the start of jj everyone keeps making fun of me wif gal by gal.. so many.. the turth is that i only had one.. but its not really the start of jj i had this started.. its was more like abt the 3rd week onwards.. yea here i go.. this is my tale..

well..this gal is in my class..only started to really talk to her around chinese new year that time.. cause we went to orchard togther to meet the class as she came from her sec skool ,i was from home.. so yea clementi was the spot.. since than i started to know her more little by little... it din't really caught my attention immediately.. cause i am like okay.. just talk whatever crap i have.. everyone gets my crap talking.. slowly i started messaging her and talking to her on the phone.. since the night which she cried alot alot.. even msn talk still can pause to like cry first.. weird but than i know she is deeply hurt by her problems.. that night was the starting of everything to me.. because of that chat on msn.. it lead to me talking on the phone later.. and yea so on we just talk and talk.. slowly i have this feeling that maybe i should like go for her.. cause i found her very sepcial and someone whom makes me wonder abt certain things.. my plan was that i just try my best to make it obvious to show that i like her.. but not tell her directly.. cause i know its gonna be serious if i did that.. so yea.. i started opening myself more and more...

but this made me thought alot too.. because i dunnoe of how or what she thinks.. so its like not nice to make someone feel so werid.. yea i continued chatting wif her all that.. just wanting to know her better to know why i should go for her.. and also to have a better understanding.. somehow.. because of this.. it troubled me to communitcate wif her.. its like i suddenly become so shy... than my fren like hint me that she wun go into relationship cause she wanna study for a levels.. so yea.. i mean like i don't entirely believe thats the reason la.. maybe i felt that my chances were slimmer..

its never nice to feel this way wondering of how the gals feel or think.. its scary.. cause i came wif so many conclusions.. which hunts me.. well valentine's day was a day i wanted to ask her out.. even knowing that we are going in a group.. cause i felt that it would be nicer to like ask her on the phone.. so yea.. i did.. and that took really really alot from me.. but than the outcome wasnt really nice.. ya know.. but in the end still went in a group.. ya that point of time... my hopes were like totally crashed.. because its like maybe she is beyond my reach.. i mean like i felt i wasnt the only one for her.. seriously.. it did made me think that who ever gets her is a lucky man.. so i guessed i aint that lucky.. so yea.. i seriously had troubles to like just leave it like that.. came to conclusion that i do suck at expressing.. its has been my life living wif it.. even my ex.. i did a lousy job expressing not until she was mine.. its hard to tell someone u like about the things u felt.. because the outcome of wad she feels or says.. its just scary to get the answers back..

so yea that very day.. i like start to really let go of this.. but than things somehow refresh.. i mean like.. she still talk and all that.. after having a discussion that she thinks that i don't like her?? so yea.. i was like .. omg... how how?? so i just continued being nice to her.. but than this time.. the feeling i got is much more stronger i had the one b4.. i dunnoe why.. it just keeps me beating when i think of it .. even now.. but than my plan this time was to like take it slow.. and easy.. but i always think that being slow.. i think someone else might catch her instead.. i dunnoe if i am being selfish or wad.. but thats what i really afriad of.. because its like just too heartbreaking to see someone u like telling u that she wanna studys so yea no relationship.. than later u find that she is wif someone else.. its a nightmare.. which i always think of..

having to think so much about chasing her.. i came back to myself and ask.. why her? i dun have a definate answer.. what i can say is that i am following my heart all the way.. cause that brings joy the most.. well can say that she is one of a kind whom i never met in my life.. i mean like its just nice sharing thoughts and story wif her.. dunnoe if she finds it nice anot.. but than.. yea.. i dunnoe.. thats the thing.. but i really missed those time talking to her.. its just something i treasure alot..

on the last day of skool.. i sang a song infront of the class.. which i composed for her.. suppose to only let her listen.. its a song that suppose to say what happened and all that.. well it was a last min thing to like play it in the canteen to let everyone from my class and some others in the canteen to hear.. i never thought i could have done something like that.. i mean like to actually write a song in 1 day and perform a solo when i suck at vocals.. for just her.. it took 101% of me.. later that day.. i remember going to viknesh house.. he talked to me about it.. cause he was by my side when i played.. the thing is that i dunnoe what he thoughts all that.. but i recived a meassge later that night from her.. saying that she wants to study and have personal stress.. so yea she dun wanna have any commitment and hope we could just remain frens.. she likes the song..

that message made me wondered.. is it because that she is really way beyond my reach.. i mean that she is like someone so good that i am not good enough for her.. or is it really because she dun wanna have more burden in life having this.. well i replied that i just wanna know her more so that i could get my answers better.. at the same time to find out why i am really into her.. since i sang that song.. things changed.. i felt that it affected how we talk now alot.. its like more general now.. just normal talk.. nothing much special.. maybe alittle..

the thing is that i wondered most is that did she ever felt for me.. or still does.. this 2 answer is very important to me.. because its like to decide if i should go on or not.. and yea this made me drag all the way till now.. i mean like i am not wanting the answer that if she wants to get into relationship wif me.. thats something naturally will be decided.. but now .. i till today have no answers if she ever like me.. i mean like if she does enjoy my company.. i will make her enjoy everyday of her life...all i wanted to see from her is her being happy.. which mattered most of all..

anyway.. to me .. love is never a burden... its always something extra specially for us to have.. cause whenever you are in the lowest point of life..u have someone to fall back on who believes in you.. that drives you to things u never imagined u could achieve.. its like an extra gear in you.. everything u do.. the reason is because of love..

well.. i always regret for not doing certain things in life.. which makes me so foolish.. the things i wanted to do.. i acutally wrote a lyrics out of it.. goes something like this.. "she is always there in my dreams, me telling her how much i felt for her. but its just a dream, if only could this be real. to look into her eyes and tell her how much i love her" its was when i going home just now from orchard.. very long bus ride.. because i actually wanted to send her home .. so ya she went up the bus.. i couldnt bring myself to go.. so yea i regret.. could had took that chance to do it ...

just because of her.. i have so much deep thoughts.. and getting to know that its her and because of her making me think like this.. is like wow.. she is really someone special to me.. that drove my spirit for 2 months.. even the times we had were short.. and maybe not special to her.. it did really gave me alot of things to learn in life..

knowing her was a blessing.. she is like an angel so high up there.. and i just wait and watch her.. the greatest chase of my life.. she took my heart away.. and yet i am here.. just waiting.. =)

guess that this post will be really the longest of all post.. btw if she gets to read this.. actually this is how much i wanna tell her abt my thoughts.. and hearing the answer right from her face.. it shall take me to where i head later.. i wished i could tell her this to her eyes..

its 2 am now.. and yes.. watever mention above is something i really kept for very long.. i know it can be selfish or boring.. well.. if it is.. thats life for me.. and hope i could be a better man..and hope my time will come.. to be like robbie williams!! lol. great lyrics .. love it..

well i hope that this won't make things worse.. and sorry to her if it did.. i shall shut up when u tell me to.. this is how much i think almost everyday.. so pouring it out here.. i hope it will get a better understanding..

playing soccer is my passion and yes soccer is my game and love.. wth.. okay i shut u p now.. its a long post i suppose.. okay

goodbye you

creep

running in circles... coming back to the start
i don't know anything about what is happening..
makes me feel like i am just so lost
i always fear of losing.. but losing is something that makes me learn
but losing it and learning.. is it possible to get it back..?
i shall keep my focus clear and just keep believing..
maybe someday.. it will come true..
or maybe i will just lose hope..
than thats when i start regret..
kill me

kill me

hey mates.. i am totally in chaos now.. my mind is so screwed up.. went chalet yesterday than overnite than this morning play soccer wif mike matin harision and kai.. than go look at laptops wif my parents.. after comming home.. this is when my world statt to become darker.. and i felt like really killing myself.. cause i found out something.. that i should had known long ago.. and now its uselss.. stupid me.. i feel so dumb =( haiz.. this is life.. i suck and tml i shall suck even more .. and so on

day at home

hello!! omg today i watch 4 moives in a row in my own room.. its super boring when u dun have money and u dun have anything on... all i could do is rot at home... today is a day i wasted.. doing nothing.. totally useless.. recently i have been thinking of buying so many things.. man.. this made me wanting to get a job.. even now i am working in coffee bean.. i wanna get another job.. because i want more money to get what i want.. how i wished if i have bigger allowance and get anything i want.. my soccer boots is the only thing i ever work for to get it.. and i just love it.. life can really be boring sometimes.. all i just need to do is just get something to do.. today i just feel soooo lazy.. thats why i watch movies.. think i am gonna watch some more..

hungry now!!!

monday

hello mates.. today i am going to jj to watch a soccer match agianst srjc.. dicky's skool.. and i think he will be there haha.. wish i could like trash his ass la.. anyway.. its really boring to like have a long holiday now.. i really feel like start skool now and just study study.. soccer soccer... seriously.. i suddenly felt the urge to like become an engineer.. its a good thing because i am going it wif my passion.. hope that poly will still have space for freedom.. well.. skool starts like at april 24th.. gonna go orientation agian... ice breaker agian haha.. i somehow feel like earning alot of cash now.. but coffee bean isnt a kind of job that gives big money if u work hard.. think i might get some factory work to earn big cash.. wanna get myself a new mp3.. new psp.. 2 pair of shoes.. bag.. shirts.. NEW HP!!! i got to earn like a 1000 to really get all this.. mp3.. ipod nano.. cost abt 300 plus.. psp 500plus.. shoes.. maybe around 60 each.. bag getting it likt around 70.. shirt.. get 2 topman shirt.. 140 togther.. haha its aready above 1000.. wanna get a new hp that cost around 500.. hrmm.. i think i should get a better hp than get a mp3.. get a mp3 phone.. but than i just love ipod nano.. its so small and have so many songs.. haiz..

anyway i am really waiting to get the package from ngee poly so i can go and get my laptop!! i am just waiting waiting.. cause if i get it.. i would get a bag also.. gonna get a crumpler bag.. i have been having dreams lately.. its like always abt the same thing or person.. wonder if its a good or bad sign.. haiz.. life is like this.. and i wanna move on..