had enough

now its the time to end it all.. enough of the wild thoughts and hopes. its time to spend time with my brothers! =) i vow to remain a loyal gay for 1 week from now on. too bad but i just love my bro hos haha .. because they are the tears and joy of my life for the past few months. together we will rock hard!

its tiring heading to somewhere with no direction and no future. but i see our brotherhood have the future. i see us even after our NS . we will be mates for life.
BROS BEFORE HOES! hahaha

best song to suit my situation?

SCARS!

sorry i got to move on with my own life



I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel


Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed 'caues you came around
Why don't just go home
'Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is


[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel


I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand


[Chorus]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel


I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
'Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself


I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I could say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I could say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my open, I sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tear my heart open, sew myself shut
And my weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

back on track finally!

okay its been a long time i updated.. not really long but yea.. been busy and all.. and maybe lazy? my laptop is fucked up again =( my mon drop my laptop on the floor from the chair.. heard the loud sound BANG! and i was like oohhh shitt =( now my com is nuts.. sometime okay some time go crazy.. then i cannot see the screen.

anyway this week so far so good.. i realize that i am actually back on track on alot of things . my studies especially. my car and bike license too. tml my bike prac . and going to gym again ! hehe.. i think i am too skinny.. and weak.

oh ya this thursday also must perform in school so yea.. my must prepare the songs. and this saturday also. np strings. and next week session i got to do a solo!! wth.. haha.. i think i can do it if i practice la.. just now was at the guitar shop.. omg i really cannot tahan sia.. see all the guitars.. so yea i wanna train alot on guitar until the highest level.. but i am a slow learner i think . maybe i din have the proper guide to learn thats why.. all these why i pick up the skills from the net? haha.. maybe a few from frens.

no matter how busy i am in life.. i always have the time to chill and alone.. so yea its good =) so i dun have to always be stress.. oh yea i got the force vomit tickets aready!! woohoo ! hahaha.. think gonna catch a movie this weekend. but no plans yet. so yea anyone interested??

they approve the song we compose for zero to hero aready. so we can go full gear ahead with the song.. power!

awesome day

WOOT!!! finally a song!! WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg i love my band.. the song we just jam just now.. omfg.. it sounds freaking awesome seriously.. i hope that my vocals don't spoil the song.. now i got to modify the lyrics abit here and there..

finally the time has come.. ! my rockin world has been BORN!!
i wish i could just rock my whole life.. going all over the world.. with the crowd infront of me.. my band blasting our own music.. rocking their hearts out. to share the world with our music..

my guitar will always be my beloved wife haha.. i am nuts but it really really feels good to play music with yur own composition.. finally i can scream my lungs out to the world abt how i feel. the times like these, feeling hopeless , feeling i'm losing it,feeling alone, feeling down, feeling down, feeling jealous, feeling tired. its all gonna come to an end. because music is my drug my life.

i found my world of rock finally. i won't be alone because my band is rocking with me. and thats all i ask.. its enough to rock my freaking world upside down.. one day then my chance will come.. to seize the day.

ROCK ON BROS!!!!

seize the day

today was quite a long day? well i went to school had normal lessons then was like everything is normal.think i am slightly more hard working now? but still need to push way more. coming to think of it, about my situation. i have quite alot of things in my mind and i need to do.

1-choose the 2nd song for zero to hero ( should be choosing tress by marty casey
2-settle russel bass
3-settle my debts that i owe.. oh yea oh yea bros before hoes
4-do my tutorials
5-making sure everything is okay for bozo
6-booking my car TP this friday
7-finding a time for my bike prac
8-preparing songs to jam this friday in my house.
9-prove the people wrong who don't have confidence in me singing
10-canoe training this saturday must go

i got to like list things out so i can catch my breath and move on. it has always been a hell of a roller coaster ride for me all these while.damn shagged now.. update more later =)

don't cry

it felt empty today and it has been going through my mind alot of times wondering whats wrong and gonna happen. i spent most of my time jiwang in school today .. lol.. especially with firdaus he and his malay jiawang songs.. making me feel more emo.. we just sat at the atrim while waiting for shim haha.. mark called my hp just to mention that he is just only 6 meters away! wtf haha.. its like u noe.. haiz... after school went home to pass them my towel and shirt. then went of for np strings. the best time to jiwang and play guitar. got alot to catch up duo haha.. long time never play so damn rusty. tml is my IS day so yea its gonna be a farking short day. and having my bike practical in the morning .. =)and jamming practice in the evening.. and then go WATCH TRANSFORMERS!! WOOHOO!!!! =)

today i missed percival gl outing farking sad =(
also din get to train at the gym

all i noe ... fir yur rite.. jiwang the best hahaha

sore

hello... omg i kinda of slept the whole day!!! when i reached home from vocals i straight away knocked out and slept for like 6 hours!!! haha..woke up and ate my dinner.. finally! =) well today seems to pass by so fast i dunnoe why.. it felt weird .tml school starts at 8. i wanna watch transformers =( but all busy

shoped

i finally changed my pick up!! wohoo.. dimarzio pick ups!! each cost $120 .. but its times 3.. so its $360 !!! hahahaha.. but its awesome la.. my guitar now AKA my wife is WOHOO!! hahaha.. power to the core! ... can rock anytime anywhere... anyway the whole day was in town.. walking up and down the streets or roads of bugis.. ate ZAM ZAM wohooo power! =) eat until shiok.. then go esplanade chill out.. ate ice cream .. green tea is nice okay!! haha.. don't blame.. my taste buds said so! =)

anyway.. life is getting back to normal..
the thoughts i kept in my way.. worrying...
sometimes i feel that i should had done more
but i guess that luck has never been on my side
unlucky choices and always am a jinx to such stuffs
explains my 2 years of single hood..

what fir said is true .. JIWANG THE BEST hahaha.. means emo the best.. always emo emo emo elmo haha.. it makes us realize what life is sometimes.. thats why ..

bless troubles

heeelllooo.. i just went to check out bryan adams video on youtube.. he is so damn bloodly good la!! check this out he sing wif celine dion

http://youtube.com/watch?v=QkAYSUjtLbs&mode=related&search=

this is like WAHAHHAHAHA!! i wished i had a wife that could that with me on our wedding someday..

anyway.. i would like to say something that i should had a long time.. for these past few months.. my life has always been ups and downs.. i really really wanna thank those who had been there for me... even when i was outcast and when i just simply wanna emo alone .. i couldnt imagine what could i possible done without u guys.. i know i have been like sissy boy who always emo and feel down when things don't work out.. and hearing all my repeated thoughts.. you know who you are if u had =) you guys were awesome.. seriously.. even when i was out of hopes and wanted to give up.. yet you all encouraged me to go on and fight till the end.. no wonder i always enjoyed chilling out with you guys.

i just wanna say thank you guys! =) ( shim,klemon,mark,russ,cy)

well abt my mission? its comming to an end.. i dunnoe whether to say its a bad or good news.. before it ends i must use my last bullet... or else i will just shot myself.. so don't tell me its not worth trying for even when i am left with 1 bullet and a broken heart.

scars reminds us of who we are and what we went through in life. the blood shed shall not be forgotten. so that we will know what to look ahead in life =)

i always wanted to write a song about my emo thoughts
so yea the title is gonna be "Broken dreams"

i am into alot of screamo and hard trash this few days.. it has made me kind of wanna train more and more energy..

just jammed just now wif mark and chek wye.. haha.. its like a pain relief for me screaming my heart out.. singing what hurts the most screamo version haha.. still deciding wad 2nd song for our competition..

rock for life brothers!

hold on

omg i never ever thought i would be like this again.. okok remember what my mission is.. check cover . check blind spot.. coast clear.. then GO!! no matter what intelligence or distraction never fail that mission! thank god i understand Chinese so it does help me with my mission.. i have only 1 bullet left in my rifle.. who should i shoot?

this mission isnt an easy one.. so its more victorious if the battle is won. make sure no last man standing and i go conquer and capture ! with dirt on my hands and into my eyes.. i glared at the enemy for a long time .. the hostage is kept somewhere in the basement .. i need a plan... i only have 1 bullet..

the world needs help!

tired !

now in class doing nothing much but just to day dream.. slept late last night.. so i had abit trouble getting up due to my body aching all over.. because of training.. omg it hurts like hell and i cant move much now.. today actually nothing much to do in school.. can sleep and all haha.. only came school to actually do my SA remedial .
enrolled my bike license yesterday so yea.. soon enough gonna star riding =) no worries abt transport and being lazy and all ..

well i got to say life is much better than i expected somehow.. been going to the gym quite alot to work out and all.. being happy and carefree but well i always worried abt my studies.. i think i need to actually plan out my schedule so life wont be so messy.. if i count the things i need to do until the end of year.. hrmm let me list

1- save money for my guitar pick up EMG!!
2- finish my bike license
3- finish my car license
4- get to go singfest wif a7x mxpx and all!! =)
5- go baybeats catch chris band
6- study like hell to push my grades
7- train for canoe expedition comming soon
8- practice for np strings solo songs
9- to win zero to hero band competition
10- make my own album of music
11- get a girlfriend so i can stop worrying so much
12- form a soccer team to play soccer weekly
13- get my own bike
14- plan my financial solutions
15- to start working again somehow ! so i can go shopping!
16- to upgrade my house jam room.. need bigger amps! more cymbals.. at least 80% sound proof
17- establish the rock band that i always wanted so can perform GIGS!!!
18- go to batam and thailand for holiday with my mates
19- go challengers camp !! wohoo fun =)
20- to transform into SUPER MING! wooohoo... hehe..

omg this 20 things to do before the end of year... damn stressful haha and its like not done yet..

bad results =(

omfg cant believe i got only 5 marks for SA wtf.. i checked the paper again what i wrote .. well i dunnoe wad the fuck was i thinking when i was doing the paper.. even the simplest formula i write wrongly.. my lecturer is really pissed off at me for like scoring so low... got alot of work to do now to revise and all.. retest is comming so yea got to like prove that i can do it..

sometimes the greatest enemy we face in life. is yourself.
so ya should had done better and all..

anyway today was suppose to be a happy day for me i dunnoe why .. i just felt happy the entire day.. =) going to bbdc to enroll my bike license and renew my pdl.. after that go cannoe training..

i realized that i am in a kind of transformation lately . in alot of ways.. well.. i am now training my vocals now.. my voice is something that everyone wouldnt wanna hear.. so ya.. someday i prove those motherfuckers wrong.. i never dared to even sing because of the humiliation.. well it takes alot of my guts to really start singing confidently .. not also i training my vocals.. but also my fitness.. next week having nafa test so yea have been training alot recently.. omg gym training may sound like abit u noe boring or tiring.. but somehow i got the hang of it and i enjoy working out now =) hahaha.. it just motivates me to just work out more and more.. but of course after training will feel super shag and all and the day after my arms and legs will be aching all over haha..

well.. besides my vocal and fitness also have been into alot of things recently.. started listening alot of screamo and metal alot ! hahaha. but i kind of love the way they play the music.. very fast and nice ! =) on 12th july maybe might perform in school wif the band .. so yea.. i just love playing music la! getting high on music is like on of the cleanest way to get high ! and its damn shiok.. haha.. my neck still hurts since last Saturday.. with the heavy head swinging hahahha..

well i think things are going smoothly from now on so yea.. should keep it rolling and enjoy life =)

pump it up

hello !! its back to school yea... well yesterday started with a very early class and heard some bad news.. i fail my SA =( the hardest paper i took and i fell asleep in class accidentally lol.. anyway i was busy training up my body yesterday in the gym.. this time it felt so good to just work out more and more.. haha.. well.. after training went to kap eat macs and reached home abt 11 plus.. my internet kena jam!! hahahaha.. i was so fucking tired that i fell asleep.. the rain was awesome.. even i could feel the rain abit comming in i dun care.. but the wind was POWER! =)

woke up next morning which was this morning. dad send me to school.. had maths lecture.. everything was okay suddenly i got a strange call !! haha.. saying i had a appointment at some spa place.. i was abit blur cause i was like listening and copying notes.. somemore in morning hardly i get calls.. well i recognize the voice!! omg bozo trying to trick me.. NICE TRY! hahahah =) well kind of brighten up my day since it was so fucking boring in class.. after that went for break met wif shim and kel. after that went to class for project.. then had discussion and yea now in library playing dota! =)
adios amigos

rock for wayne

hello mates okay been a real long long time i last updated okay let me break it into days...

tuesday

remembered going out wif hakim to watch fantastic 4 =) haha was awesome and catch up alot of good old times !! so yea was great meeting him and all again..

wednesday

cannot remember do what but i remember going out to have supper wif chek wye and his frens at 3am?? hahah was fun ate at lau pa sat.. seafood!!! awesome food to eat.. oh yea i remember i went to school on wednesday for cannoe training... was fucking tired

thursday

this was a freaking long day.. went to played at the cage ( place to place soccer wif artificial grass) with hasshim and his cousin. was damn tiring.. after that went to chalet to meet them all.. din felt welcome.. well who gives a damn.. ate alittle but drank alot.. had good time chating with them all.. only 1 night? my parents fucking angry i never go home haha..slept for like 1hour at chalet

friday

woke up at 8am.. went home and mum was fucking angry.. dun care go sentosa to chill out.. was damn tired.. i feel asleep on the beach haha.. after that ate at hawker then went home .. got KNOCKED OUT!!

saturday

went to ROCK FOR WAYNE CONCERT!! was FUCKING AWESOME!! haha... inspired me alot so yea.. rock on !

OLD SKOOL!

Hey ho, let's go Hey ho, let's go
Hey ho, let's go Hey ho, let's go

They're forming in a straight line
They're going through a tight wind
The kids are losing their minds
The Blitzkrieg Bop

They're piling in the back seat
They generate steam heat
Pulsating to the back beat
The Blitzkrieg Bop.

Hey ho, let's go
Shoot'em in the back now
What they want, I don't know
They're all reved up and ready to go

They're forming in a straight line
They're going through a tight wind
The kids are losing their minds
The Blitzkrieg Bop

They're piling in the back seat
They're generating steam heat
Pulsating to the back beat
The Blitzkrieg Bop.

Hey ho, let's go
Shoot'em in the back now
What they want, I don't know
They're all reved up and ready to go

Hey ho, let's go Hey ho, let's go
Hey ho, let's go Hey ho, let's go

in the lost world

ohh okay i am back in school.. dunnoe how many days.. suppose to meet kelmon shim they all at 1pm well guess wad i came 1.30 pm and i am the first one to arrive.. wtf haha.. well i had a big argument at home before comming to school.. my parents trying too hard to control me.. the more they try the more i rebel.. thats me and u cant change it..my mum even said if she knew i was this bad she would had disown me long ago.. well i always felt that i was suppose to born living the hard way somehow.. because i need some hardship to really get my thinking straight.. i always go through hardship before getting it. Forever they always accuse me for doing things that i dint do.. when can they ever understand what i am going through. they will never listen and they don't care my thoughts.. parents are always right.. right my ass... they always assume everything is right.. come on la.. we are living in the world 2007 not 1807. where we have so little knowledge and little to do that u can know what is good or bad.. the modern world now is so complicated. they parents just dun get it what is evolution. which causes a big misunderstanding and remain stubborn oh yea cannot blame they are getting older so their brain must not be able to take it.. so yea when parents dun understand and dun wan to means a side of them is getting handicap when they cant accept the modern reality due to their old age.

my mom question me what is hell.. lol. i was like u are asking the obvious.. lucky i was kind enough not to say that hell IS HOME!! i was like trying to get out of hell just now in the morning.. i can no longer follow orders from them exactly man.. it feels so degrading.. i am gonna be an adult soon so yea i should practice making my own decision.. i complain to them why are u always monitoring every step i take.. even i go school during holiday go gym also must question me why ? cannot study ? wtf.. it fucking piss me off when u get in my way when its time to have break.. its term break of god's sake .. my dad expects me to study and refer my subjects .. wth..

enough of my house shit crap family talk.. cause we never really had a nice conference between b4.. its always about pain and trouble they want.. "oh this is good for your future" this line is getting old to use dude.. i know what future i want and i should live reality fighting for my destiny

last night a good time playing dota and ended up talking abt gals wif them hahaha.. its hilarious.. oh yea guys.. we dun need em.. they need us =)
rock on dudes!

40hours of sleep

hehe believe it or not i just woke up from 40 hours of sleep. my brain is almost dead now i can feel it.. even i woke up awhile i still fell asleep again.. well ever since sunday afternoon i came back home from soccer i have been sleeping until today. its such a torture to stay home.. one thing is that it is fucking boring and secondly i always get nag for the slightest reason they can ever find and make me mad. a few days ago i mention abt me getting fucked up because my dad just whack me with his belt infront of my mates.. its damn fucking shame la.. i dunnoe man .. he thinks all smokers are bad people and i should not mix around with them fuck it la.. 50% my friends are smokers. so yea face reality. its not like i join some gang or what. well he whacked me infront of my house till up my room.. luckily my bro was there to stop him .. i aready started shouting back at him.. and i just shut the fuck up to let him bark all he want. it just dont make sense whacking me for that reason.. i swear to god that if he ever does that agian.. i will tear the house down.. smash everything in my way.. u think u can just threaten me smashing my stuff and sending me to ns.. come on la i am 19 going to 20 anytime soon.. i am more capable than just being whacked like a small kid.. yur trying to awake the beast inside of me. and i swear that nobody wants to see that.

if i dun give a fuck i long ago would had ran away or killed myself . all i just asked is for my freedom.. and fucking hell i cant even work now.. even if i wanna slowly work things out they will never allow.. and i realise how much of a fucked up family i have.. even i get almost whatever i want that money can buy.. nothing can buy my freedom.. whats the point of getting everything u ever wanted and u cant used it.. always getting nagged getting fucked up getting back stab. if i had the money i would had moved out long ago.. i dun give a fuck what ever i left behind except myself.

even i know how much they love me.. too bad they are loving me but all they do is HURT HURT HURT!! i bet u a million bucks they will say doing this because they care.. my ass! if i had seen this picture long ago i would just shut the fuck up and pack up. all they care is about themself.. protecting their own self proudness and pride.. fuck it man.. and i don't have my own pride? my freedom?

this is a fuck up place a fucked up world and fuck up people with fuck up thinking that fucked the world. its driving my to insanity and if they ever dare to pull the trigger , i will just blow this world fucking world up.

problems after problems in my way.. yet still i must prevail to prove those motherfuckers wrong that i can stand on my own feet. don't think that being parents u can say all u wanna fucking say and in the end say u don't meant is OKAY !? fuck off.. so can i do the same ! always say i am big fucking show off? who is the REAL SHOW OFF? well too bad yur son isnt great enough to show off..
all i can say is very old skool thinking and childish way of handling things.. because the ming that u all once remember getting punished always is no longer the same him.. and its true that no matter what they can never accept what i have done or what..

sometimes its better not to try to care too much because in the end yur hurting yur own son. u call my lecturer all that and come to my school and everything.. where is the sense of my own responsibility? its such a shame my dad still does do that.. he thinks its like my pri or secondary school anytime can ask ask.. if u think its okay? what if i go to yur work place and check u around.. how would u feel? no privacy rite? just let me live my own fucking life even it takes me out of the house or whatever.. its living through hell of me now because there is nothing much i can do. instead of guiding me a happier life all u all do is hurting my feelings..

its all up to them how they wanna handle me.. if they hit the wrong spot of me thats it.. my house is HELL to me.. the longer i stay in it.. the more i get burn.. thats why i always get the fuck out even with no cash or reasons..

this is the most FUCKED UP post i ever have to type!

fuck it

this will be a short post because i feel so fucked up and i got fucked up so just SHUT THE FUCK UP

after sometime

after sometime i finally made up my mind.. its the 3rd nite here in russel house i overnite in a row lol.. having those heart to heart talks.. really made me feel so much better.. sometimes its not nice to say i do deserve better, but looking at the way things are.. i really do think that i deserve better.. lol.. believe it or not i brainwash myself for 2 nites of drinking with complete highness to really clear my mind . yea i should take a step back so i can see the bigger picture and look it from a different way of how things are... i never forgive myself for being so silly and dumb to actually waste my time.. there are so much more to look out for. my happiness has always been the people around me.. but people cant always be happy.. life is always about ups and downs.. going through these kind of stuff is just another lesson in life to learn. and i laugh at the past because of those silly and childish thinking, looking at it from a different way its just not worth the thought.

think that a picture is my life
everything that i do are the lines
so it becomes a picture
who is gonna paint my life?
thats the question that everyone will wanna know

tml going back home.. well i guess i am starting to miss home lol..

crazy night was it?

ohh my god... last night was the craziest night ever... i only drank like so little and yet i got sooo high... start whacking russel's electric gutiar and singing along with shim and rust.. its not that we are drunk, just that it feels good to just release everything out. it was awesome.. i bet everyone in the house thought we are drunk. haha. we were complaining the highness is dying out very fast.. damn it damn it.. yea i think everyone left us alone in the room upstairs.. which was good =) big bed in a air con.. we talked all the way after that.. i bet the others thought we knocked out. haha.. yeayea had our preliminary talk about stuffs .. so much for the 1.5 hour or 2.5 hours ?? we were in a emotional state break down last nite thats why alittle of highness trigger quite alot.. it was great anyway i was the last one to sleep anyway.. all the 3 of us on the bed talked till we sleep hehe..

a bloody dream that i din't expect to.. because its something that really bothers me.. i straight away woke up and bath.. everyone still dead? cant believe even those who dint drink also sleep like pigs ... stomach in a great pain i dunnoe why.. just bearing all my pain inside out.. oh yea i wont be home till thursday.. a great time to really just slow things down and just savour my time ..

what thing makes me think is significant?
that is my destiny

what hurts the most..

hello... been quite awhile since i last blog... hahah.. well recently have been to vocal training, played alot of soccer , finish my common test and ITS HOLIDAYS!!!! haha currently now i am in a movie marathon ... now its the 4th movie in a row... well currently showing step up .. watched it like a million times haha.. its a 24hr marathon btw lol.. cant believe i skipped my np strings.. today is the first day for advance beginner..

anyway have been training hard to sing this song " what hurts the most" its a damn nice song =) but its super high key!! omg haha.. kinda of cool learning to sing properly for once in my life haha.. also have been blasting hardcore rock songs into my brain.. hand of blood by bullet for my valentine ROCKS!! the guitar is super nice to play hehhee..

my parents are like saying that i focus too much on my music and i was like arguing la.. say i always waste time on music.. but come on la.. i only do music when i have nothing to do or feeling so fucked up... well manage to get it straight with them that they cant tell me what to do and i make my own decision.. i am aready 19 and they always have this thinking of me like a small boy .. must always tell me what to do and judge what is good or bad... come on....

btw i told them i having a camp in school till thursday .. so yea gonna be hell of a fucking holiday..most of the time notwait wait wait
hahah
go watch the movie la

summer is comming

hey... still slacking even paper is tml lol.. decided to go to school early tml to study.. well i must do well for my del.. the thing that i worry most is SA! wahha.. driving me nuts.. well i am aready like preparing to be in the holiday mood again.. and its good. hehe...

went to work just now.. as an exam invigilator.. cool huh? paid 30 bucks per paper.. haha.. well had to wear something that looks formal and abit or nerd? i had trouble dressing up just now in the morning lol.. try to look as nerd as possible.. after work i took bus back to school.. where i met russ and gang to study del.. oh yea i got news that this saturday i got soccer game wif indra's team... hehe a chance to put my skill to a test.. because its like a level lower than i have been playing.. sunday also got another game.. wad a busy weekend i can say.. also cant wait for vocal class this sunday.. i missed the pass 2 lessons because of common test.. how sad is that..
anyway studied awhile only and we decided to go town to have our dinner.. i have been eating REALLY ALOT!! these few days.. dunnoe why? maybe because stress? i dunnoe haha.. well had a great time hanging out wif them (rust,mich,shim,sop,beca,hs,cal,kai) well i laughed alot today.. =) but my chest still hurts.. since sunday until now its still pain.. when i breathe deeply or laugh or cough.. hope to recover soon cause i am gonna work out alot after common test.. want to train until the size of john cena hahaha.. hehe.. because YOU CANT SEE ME!!

adios mate.. update more after my test are all over! =)

what?

hey... my common test only left 2 more papers! this thursday and friday !! muahha.. well i am kind of aready slacking abit now.. left with DEL and SA ... i dunnoe why i think my life is going through alot of changes.. i know its happening yet i dunnoe what is it..

life is full of twist and turns
like forest gump always said
life is like a box of chocolate
ya never noe wad ya gonna get

this world of illusion somehow
makes me fill wif mixed emotions
i always wondered about things
that i imagine what if it happen
or i made the other choice

haha well i think having the time off to being a loner is good at times.. will reflect alot on myself and think..

pain!

hey. omg today is like one of the most painful day for me.. went to play soccer at bedok just now... lost 4-2 =( but i manage to at least pull 1 goal in hehehe.. i think i am very weak now.. i bang into this ang moh super big size and now my chest hurts like hell.. even i laugh also pain... then 2nd half i totally cannt play.. cause i injured my right foot.. because of that i cant walk now.. damn sad la =( my whole body in pain.. well it shows that i must TRAIN!! hahaha...

ming is gonna train back to his best agian and even better.. soon u will see the beast AGAIN!!! haha.. i miss my soccer days la.. i mean soccer is something i really would commit..but i din had my chance last year as i wasnt good enough.. now i just focusing on getting better.. maybe next year i try agian..

i am so happy yesterday actually went shopping wif my dad.. spend 210 bucks!! on TOPMAN!!wohoo.. i got alot of new stuffs now.. damn cool.. super happy. hehehe =) well wished i had like no limit to get what i want...

its been a long while since i met someone who has great interest in music.. and that really makes me happy cause now i have someone to really share abt my music passion.. i can go like days talking abt music.. and its just so nice to talk abt it. haha..

my test is tml and i studied just now.. think it was alrite =) what i can say now is that ITS FREAKING HOT !!! these days the weather killing me.. must on air con almost everynite then i can sleep..

just another fuckin day

today i had trouble waking up lol. but got skool in time.. friday is always a fucked up because i always dun feel like going school because i have 3 different classes in a day so ya always get to split wif the mates.. next week my common test and i still dun feel the pressure cause i think its not so though after all studying =) mark and chek wye decided to study in school instead of going to redhill .. so yea obviously i still in school then.. my hp batt is dying soon.. damn it.. i cant wait till common test are over! so i can jam agian wif them... i really miss miss jamming and all.. recently have been practicing my guitar alot... i am real proud of myself because i think i have brought myself to another level in guitar.. playing all those insane guitar solos.. its fun anyway.. i got to learn to sherd someday..

after these few days passing by.. i tried to move on but still a part of me still remain in wonder.. well guess it takes time to just really let things go..

got to catch jet in singapore next month!

scars

today i woke up at 4 pm lol.. maybe cause i slept too little the previous night..
well i just love this song soo much cause it just relief my thoughts and pain..
papa roach you ROCK!! for 13 years.. i love all their songs man.. its very meaningful to hardcore rockers.. because his songs man me take it like a man and stand strong =)
Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

Zouk was okay yesterday .. well went to mark house to put my stuff first.. his house like so freaking far.. after that head back to clarke quay there.. took bus... super long journey.. was talking with beatrice abt alot of things.. she and her santa talk lol... the whole entire day she was giving funny faces.. haha serious it looks funny la... she can frown in 5 different ways.. cool... anyway.. it was her first time going to club and its like i retire clubbing dunno how long la haha.. best part she never bring her pre sale ticket.. in the end must buy the full price one.. smart ah.. well we drank abit and went in.. the best part was i anyhow dump the bottle of whisky in a plastic bag like just let it lay somewhere.. inside still got alot.. no body realise that i kept it there so obvious hahaha.. cool ! =) but zouk was damn fucking packed la.. alot of posers and small kids.. macham paham.. haha.. beatrice first time go sure ask alot of questions.. i like macham give tour guide.. all i can say is WELCOME TO THE CLUB haha.. well my highness y died out by the time i reach the dance floor .. music was rnb all the way.. not so bad la... danced until it ends at 4 am and headed down to east coast.. we aready plan to arrange a day to go there and emo .. so yea.. we went to eat first then finish the rest of the whisky.. alot of my memories over there.. she also.. so yea we were like talking abt how beautiful it was in the past.. and just stare into the ocean.. hearing the sea waves.. slowly the sky became brighter...

omg i almost fell down la.. cause i was sitting down on the bench. then i was falling sleep almost feel backwards but lucky i fast to grab the table infront to hold my balance haha.. not funny lor =) .. after that we went home.. i went mark's house .. i reach his house expecting to sleep but in the end we play guitar hahaha.. cool eh... i slept at 11am and woke up at 1 pm.. so little sleep la..

when i reach school had a fast lunch and went to class.. my dad found out that i actually fail a moudule last sem so yea he was piss off and called me.. well i din expect things to be so different.. i mean like i was expecting him to like scold me like hell.. in the end he talk to me nicely and say that i must pass.. i really felt how much my dad loves me.. he even say that he gives me money to go out next time but i must stop working lol... then he agreed to pay for my car licence!!! cool!! =) i love my dad to the core.. and tml i going shopping wif him.. cool rite?? from something i expected so serious into soo good..

oh ya.. i really feel bad for beatrice.. her fucking lecturer go sabo to her mum that she hasnt been going class and everything.. so fucking kpo... then now beatrice mum like noes everything even the night before knew that there was no meeting in school.. hey dun do anything stupid okay.. i can feel that you were very nervous when yur mum was on the phone listening to yur lecturer.. some people just cant mind their own fucking business and destroy people's love...

anyway.. today i am acutally have a mixed of emotions.. werid day rite? dunnoe to be happy or sad... but one thing for sure.. i am proud of my hamster is now stronger and happier =) things are slowly getting back to normal.. whew...

beatrice and i actually agree to finally let our past go and move on for real... sadly this happen to her.. haiz.. well.. there are so many things in life to go through..

after the long nite

helooo... omg i miss so many classes.. today i suppose to go class at 9 but i only reach school at 2pm... slept over at mark's house.. because i went to zouk last nite.. well it was ok la.. but just too packed.. hate to be in a crowded area.. well yesterday was a day for me to really do whatever i want.. i overdose myself and i was like in illusion and just fell asleep and woke up.. felt the better part of me.. and yea its time to get going ming! why should i trap myself from the world.

anyways in the morning was playing guitar wif mark in his room.. was really awesome.. we both were like wowowoowowowowow... can play hand of blood hahaha.. its damn fun la.. then we listen the song and play then try agian and agian....

i got my warning letter agian.. and my dad has been really pissed off. and my exams are next week..

damn fucking bored waiting for my class to start

Bleed the dream

so yes like i expected..
all i wanna do now is BLEED THE DREAM!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing can stop me..
its like i am left with my last quarter
should i just spend it or save it
i hate myself for thinking so much
its time to get back the old ways
getting screwed over and over agian
and dun care about anything else but my freedom

feel like a total loser to just let things happen

feel so empty

today i went to zero to hero briefing wit mark chek wye and indra.. well i am in the vocals .. i will get vocal training and classes from now on.. sounds cool rite? haha.. i been waiting for all my life to be train wif vocals.. after that went to play a soccer match at boon lay sec... omg it was SOOO hot.. playing agianst this ang moh team.. so what?!! haha.. i scored the winning goal and broke their hearts.. the very last min i score and i really celebrated damn funny la.. ahhaa.. i was like doing the DX sign and do flips and hand signal. haha .. well i think i need to train my fitness alot.. anyways i think my vision of being a player has improve definately.. after that went to eat and went home to jam alittle and i was freaking bored =(

the entire whole day
without contacting you
makes my day empty
i sat in my little room
thinking of you
struming my guitar
filling the music with feelings
that i had for so long
sometimes i wish
that i could scream my thoughts out
so the whole world can see me crying
not given a chance to say
the words into yur eyes
it just keeps me falling .

well i was really suprise to met hamster yesterday after cannoe.. i mean like .. i thought the weekend was surely gonna be a time when i cant see her and its really u noe.. she asked me why am i so emo the past few days... but i dint have the chance to tell her everything as we only had like so little time to talk.. but i was really really like u noe.. relief that she came and talk to me and disturb me.. and was happy of course... but the only thing i couldnt understand why.. is that she don't have the mood to talk to me abt things that will make things less complicated... there are so many things to clear about but its like all jam in my head..

i dont know why u wan me to delete my past 4 days of post.. it really made me feel better after typing all my feelings here.. because i din want my thoughts to be unheard.. and i forget abt it someday.. even its bad or painful thing to remember i shouldnt erase it away.. learn from it and just move on...

tell me one good reason why its so hard to make things less complicated

badly hurt

today has been one of my most ........ weird day.. things are weird now.. i dun wanna say anymore.. let me free from my worries.. and enjoy what i have ... i want things to happen between us but i feel that it takes 2 hands to clap.. please tell me that this is me being too worried and not true that you dont want me anymore ...

warning...

today i had trouble waking up.. was really really tired.. lol.. i fell asleep half way chatting on my com . yesterday was a better day i guess? went to school and started wif practicals and then break then end my day wif programing test which i think i screwed up haha.. after that went to the library oh yea to get everyone write the card .. well all the effort was paid off.. after collecting every cards.. thank you guys for writing the card even if you really don't know what to write.. mel was touched by the cards and i am glad she is.. went to KAP in the end to eat macs!! haha.. omg i ate so little la.. dunnoe why but got like no mood to eat.. send mel back home till her busstop and i went home.. my dad was calling me non stop asking where am i lol.. i kept saying i was on the bus.. reaching.. for 1 hour.. well my parents still treats me like a small a little boy still..

anyway things are getting back to normal.. and i am so glad things are like falling into place neatly after since a long horrible week.. let time heal things ..things may sound weird between us now but it doesnt matter as long i know you are happy =)
this sunday gonna jam!!!omg its like been 2 weeks never jam =( so yea yea yeayea.. this saturday going kayaking at kallang!! omg i miss kayaking alot.. reminds me of my old ncc days.. haha.. i had great memories being in ncc.. somehow i think ncc build my confidence alot when i was younger.. well the best part was guiding the juniors.. i like teaching somehow.. i dunnoe why . it just feels good that u teach someone something and the person learns from you.. maybe i might wanna be a teacher someday.. who knows =)

life is like a rollercoaster - ronan keatings

everyone cares

ac milian are the champions!!! hahaha liverpool u just suck so bad.. =)
today start my day quite smoothly.. my dad sent me to school and was talking to me about buying a new guitar amp... we will always have our own talk between father and son... its just amazing to have a dad like him.. just that i dun dare to show how much i do appriciate for everything he done for me.. i can feel how much he suffered last time to actualy bring up this family.. there is nothing in this world can i ever repay him back to whats he has done.. even when he yell and nags at me.. after awhile he will always come back to me and like u noe pity me.. no one can ever will replace my dad =)

start school wif DEL practical.. it was quite easy and i ended early but i stayed wif the rest and teach them so we can go and have lunch together.. actually what was on my mind all these while since yesterday was thiking how is mel doing... and she is like so down because her crush is mad at her for getting that gas agian... the fact is that everyone is mad for her buying that and use it to escape from trouble.. friends are not blind or deaf... they are all mad because they do care for you..

yesterday i had a guys talk with a few of them.. they were like ming you got to stop her from doing that .. its like she is killing herself with it... and there is no way you can escape yur fate in trouble.. life is always challange and you have to face it no matter what.. if you fail to take the challange .. you fail life.. your life is destroyed.. i dun want that to happen to her.. everyone doesnt want that to happen either...

now i will just still go on being there for her
so that she doesnt to have to fall so hard

life is like a box of chocolates
you never know what you gonna get..



the story of forest gump
the movie ROCKS!!!!!!!!!! =)
i like this picture.. its so cute

a sad story

my memories i recalled them clearly.. what happen to me recently had made me look back so much.. and realise how i miss my ex.. i spend the whole night thinking of the sweet memories.. because i am who i am now because someone changed my life. it has keep deep inside my heart all these while 3 years and counting... i couldnt help to control my emotions but to just to keep back flashing my sweet memories i had... to be honest.. i never regret my memories.. it will always be keept as a part of my life about how a sweet fairy tale journey between 2 person. If u had watch the show A Walk to Remember.. its almost exactly what happened to me.. i'll always remember how you held me and tell me that everything is alright . the angel of my life just walk into my life and left me a better person. like she will always said " don't be sad because it ended , be glad because it happened " yes its true i am sooo glad it happen as a part of my life to be in love so deeply...

mel has been thinking alot about her beautiful memories too.. but dont know what she is thinking exactly right now.. i am just dead worried abt her right now.. hope everything is alright.. i just cant bear to see her fall on her feet.. and i promise i never let her fall.. but tonight is something that i cant do anything.. she told me that we should be frens.. cause she din wan things to be too complicated and how much she still thinks abt her crush.. i guess its similar to what i have type above.. but well.. to me it will always be kept a sweet memory to remember..

i know that u dont wan to hurt me
but i rather let myself get hurt
because all i wanna see is that smile on your face
telling me that everything is okay
we have been close alot of times
till i can feel your heartbeat
i always wanted to tell you how much i love you
but i dint dare to cause
i am scared u will leave me

wat a strange world,
we may be very close and show love
but the very fact is that
we are not together.

mel... you can never run away from reality
but you can make dreams into reality
slowly it takes time
i seriously had fun wif you alot
even you hurt me or ignore me
stop hurting yurself.. i beg
its pains me alot seeing you like this
be strong and face reality
and you dont have to be on your own to do this
have FAITH!
isnt that what you believe in?

i see something special in you mel..
and i know it by looking into your eyes
you deserve to be happier..
if it takes me to give up even..
i will rather u be happier..
just dont forget abt my feelings

you are the light of my life
without you i am lost
you never fail to make me smile
even when u hit me
you will always be kept in my heart
where i feel you always

i love you always....


Love is patient, love is kind.
Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud.
Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not become angry easily.
Love does not remember wrongs done against it.
Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails

sometimes i'll just hold my breath
just to feel your heartbeat

blured day

omg i realise how much i have learn from all my modules.. thank god my lecturer kind enough to teach =) well it just felt good to be studying agian and doing my work.. glad i am back on track .. it just felt good u noe to be on track studying and all.. whew...

anyway yesterday was quite a long day.. i aready blog half of it.. till in the library studying.. then hamster came also in the end watch movie jaws lol.. super old school la.. only watch it not even half way.. later the rest of them decided to go eat dinner. but beatrie and mel din want to go.. they wanted to go home.. guess what mel almost got banged by a car la.. she lost control of her balance and she is just 1 step away steping on the road and get bang.. thank god my reflects was still in touch to pull her back.. haiz... its damn scary ... both of them obviously werent okay yesteday... sent hamster back home and reach home around 11 plus.. omg i had no food to eat at home la.. in the end ate some donuts only lol.. had abit of talk wif her yesterday by messaging.. well she needs time and space to get straight.. think i should give her the time and space la.. or else it would be worse.. there is nothing i can do but to just wait now... and its not that easy than i thought..

damn...

The drugs don't work

this song goes out to those drug addicts

The Drugs Don't Work

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again

I'm never going down, I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more



this is a very sad song sang by a man who is now dead because of drugs.. how life can be unpredictable sometimes..

in the school library studying for my test this comming thursday.. my shoulder hurts like hell i dunnoe why.. think i accidentally fell down and land hard thats why.. and now its irritating me the pain!! =( anyways i went to tampines just now at st hilda's primary school to teach primary 3 kids lego robotics.. omg they are sooooo CUTE!! haha.. they all just look soo happy and amaze with the wonders of robot.. and its so cute the way they address me haha.. me MING! wth hahaha.. you noe primary school must like greet and thank the teacher.. but i love it when they say thank you.. cause i was at the back of the class doing the computer then they were at the front.. the actually turn back to face me and say Thank you mr ming , may god bless you... omg it just felt soo nice la =) small kids who are actually 10 years younger than me... haha... it was a great exprience at the same time tiring.. i miss working =( alot.. i need to work to have a source of income.. which makes me want to start a business even more.. my group are all behind me supporting to start the business.. so yea i hope i can make the most out of it...

after teaching i went to simei eastpoint to find beatrice.. she was in a saloon dunnoe doing what to her hair with the slightest difference i can see haha.. waste time only hahaha.. after that go eat bk and came back school.. i was sleeping in the train really super tired dun know why.. i miss my class today to have my project meeting .. got so many things to revise now.. my common test are like next 2 weeks and this week aready got programming test.. haiz... well i bought a bunch of blank cards just now for the sake of writing whatever i want when i am bored haha.. how bored life can be..

i shall get back studying ...

what a fuckin day

today had quite alot of things happen. i mean like i waitied for the entire whole day of school to end because i had to do something. yesterday i went to m square to buy a card and write it to my hamster. so yea i spend today .. the entire whole day figuring out what to write down about my feelings. it was quite a risky thing to do i know but guess that its better that she at least knows how much i went through and thought abt her. it was quite a long story by the way how i wrote it in the card. starting from the very first moment i felt for her and how much i cared. and also gave her a hamtaro stuff toy. at first she seem so happy and overwhelm of what i gave her. i was like okay.. glad la that she likes it but still deeply i am waiting for an answer. after that we went to watch movie at the library then she got soooo high and suddenly got weak after taking some dangerous stuff. which i totally object to .. it really made her so weak that she can even keep her head up straight. its quite worrying for me la to see her like that.. after that had dinner wif everyone at mad jack and i send her back to school bus stop where her dad picked her up and i went back home.

i recieve a message from her slighty awhile after reaching home .. saything that she hope we stil could be friends still first as she still likes hs more .. at the same also like me and wish we could be together but she has to let her feeling of hs run off first.. so yea i mean like i kinda of expected that to happen . thats why i havent been so confident in winning her whole heart yet. i guess it really does takes time to get this kind of things to improve. well i hope nothing changes yet between us yet as i feel that i should treat her the same i did and always did till she makes the decision.. this kind of thing i understand that it takes alot of time to make a decision cause its really something u have to commit and cherish alot

my greatest fear has always been failing in love, and i know how much it hurts to be rejected. would she care if i dont know what to say because i always believe that is someone out there who feels just like me and thats life ..

if you are reading this hamster
don't feel bad about me
its okay what you think about me
i wont try to argue or hold it against
there will always be a reason
and well i guess this is just growing up

what a strange day

today was quite a strange day.... i met a stranger out of no where.. it was this nice old man in his 60s 70s? he was hey... and i was like huh? then he told me to come and have a chat wif him.. i was like okay? anyway beatrice was late! haha.. so why not i have a chat.. he has this very nice way of speaking .. i dunnoe its just rare.. maybe this is the kind of stranger u meet once in yut life.. he really hit me when he said he knows what i am by just looking at my eyes and facial expression.. he said this.. son you are troubled i know.. but you are a nice person or else you wouldnt have stop and just walk alot.. well he was saying he is a lover of LIFE! omg when he said that it really brighten ups my day.. its really amazing how a stranger tell u this.. and he said this.. son.. you missing something in life.. someone who understands you and be your companion.. it really struck my really really hard when he said that.. i mean its like what he said does makes sense and true. i have always been so emo abt my own self for quite sometime.. when ever i am alone i will just go to this emo stage where i am in my own world.. and it just kills me being bored and everything. but the thing is that i am like really SOOO GLAD that such person existed a stranger to have a nice chat in the streets. he said that there is something is me and i have a very nice smile.. of course i smiled back at him.. and when i was about to leave him.. he almost cried .. omg omg... he said this.. it pains me when you go away because i am man of love. i felt like crying too.. how i wish that people these days in singapore are more open to talk.. everybody is busy with their own stuff and dun care whats happening around them.. thats why i always wanted to move to australia.. the people there are just like him.. u can really chat wif anybody under the sun .. its very social life.. no wonder the people there are sooo much more passionate and motivated.. for things like this can change the world..

finally

finally my np strings concert is over =) and now i have much more free time.. i have been thinking alot really.. yesterday... overnite at school so that today the concert can like wake up early =)yesterday.... oh yea played squash and followed beatrice back to her school which is at tanjong katong!! haha... and the worst part is that i only slept 2 hours the previous nite and then i cannot sleep in the bus .. well i dunnoe why got alot of things to talk until cannot sleep.. after that played squash then go kap eat wif them and went back home .. and went back school... practiced a little only .. jun wei a senior over there brought his guitar over i mean his electric with his distortion hahaSHIOK SIA play and he damn pro.. i really look up to him... damn good la... thats how u enjoy music haha...

omg its 4am now and i am blogging well today i mean yesterday was quite a long day... beatrice and hamster go take the laughing gas and turn into idiots lol.. had to take care of them the whole day la.. but hamster got even worse till she cant even stand straight then later on she had pain comming from her chest. made me worried the whole day .. anyways my test i think i kinda of screwed up cause i only know less than half the paper even its just MCQ haha.. after my test suppose to go np strings agian but i pon agian playing board games instead the whole nite haha.. everyone was there and its like a good reunion i guess lol..after that went to alaza to eat then went home...

the reason why i haven sleep till now is because someone emoed the whole nite haha.. and also i talk things out wif hamster.. not really everything but have a idea there.. see how things go... was talking to beatrice the whole nite even now .. begging me to follow her go back to her school as its at TANJONG KATONG!!!!! wahahha... u damn lucky beatrice that i am very nice... so next time think twice before trying to kill me again haha.. =) anyways thanks for all the support and ya noe what i mean..

i aint a quiter
neither a loser
either way i win
or walk away smiling =)

hello... today was a better day i guess.. things are so much clearer now and it seems like things are back to normal too i guess? anyways... i got 2 missing post in my blog.. my 2 post which i posted yesterday is missing because of my hamster!! haha .. okok not my fault not my fault.. anyway liked i said it doesnt matter to me. if it is or not. what matters is that everyone is happy =) well the only bad thing was skipping my np string practice haha.. well got kind of lazy la.. tml also got reharsal.. so yea.. give myself a rest la.. so watched movie in the library instead with almost everyone there.. uea that reminds me watching bubble boy 2 days ago... i really miss that show alot.. when i was sec 3 i almost everyday kept watching that movie over and over agian.. and the main song for the movie is from blink 182 thats why!! haha.. okok tml is my SA test omg!!!! i still dunnoe alot of things .. hope tml during skool can like u noe.. study? haha maybe i wake up early tml go school study or study during my break.. work some things out wif myself.. test is after school.. and after test got np string reharsal.. so yea. basically i am packed wif my time tml.. well well all i can say that today is beautiful day!!! rock on mates..

What I've done

What I've Done



In this farewell
There is no blood
There is no alibi
Cause I've drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies
So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out
What I've become
Erase myself
And let go of
What I've done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty
So let mercy come
And wash away

What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out
What I've become
Erase myself
And let go of
What I've done

For what I've done
I'll start again
And whatever thing
May come
Today this ends
I'm forgiving

Whaaaaat I've done

I'll face myself
To cross out
What I've become
Erase myself
And let go of
What I've done

What I've done

Forgiving what I've done

what a time to blog just right before school.. i slept super long since last nite think its more than 12 hours . well i did dreamt about alot alot of things. some of those were flashbacks. a hell alot of sleep. i hope today would be a better day for me. what a really fucking emo day i had yesterday. especially after i knew what the hell was going on . well even duo u say its not my fault , i did caused the major damage or else it wouldnt have even screw up. whats worst it happen right under his nose. well, things can never be the same i guess. everybody's changing and i dun feel the same.
almost everyday in life i tried to changed to be a better person ever since the last time i got screwed for real. things are so hard understand sometimes and thats nothing can be done to it. its untouchable and unchangable. always wanted to mould the world for a better place for the people , thats why i always wanted to be a musician. someday , sometime in my life , what all happened to me would just be a tale and part of my life. who cares about history these days, what you accomplished is nothing and what u failed is just another step to success which means actually nobody gives a shit. people arent that kind until u give them what they want. its over now for sure about enjoying my poly life, i guess it felt like i was in semster 2 with no life but just study and work.

HELLO everybody.. okay its me back from a serious hangover.. hop nite was great!!! 163 and above ROCKS!! it was a brillant idea to get high b4 the concert hahaha.. i actually din really remember how i played but i know i swing here and there alot.. i have been waiting all my life to have this chance to really rock that HARD!! i dun see an end to all of this... ITS JUST THE BEGINING!!!!!!!!! WE ARE GONNA GO GIGS AND CONCERTS OUTSIDE REAL SOON!!!!! AND I JUST CANT WAIT!!! Everyone in the band did great.. was really proud of them.. and think that we are the most happening program on hopnite! but sadly its the openning la.. cause its like u noe people as usual come late will miss it.. but well at least most of them still get to see us rock. finally all the effort we put into jamming and practice has been paid off.. such a big relief we did acutally played as the person in charge almost cancel of my performance la.. damn lucky we got the chance.. i looking for more pics or better still videos during the performance..

after the performance we all just lepak and got bored looking at the other performance.. i dun know why maybe because my freshie felt bored also thats why.. haha.. i ate rubbish la for hopntie.. haha.. we stayed in school really quite late.. by the time we got to russel's house it was aready 2am.. and hell yea no one manage to beat me in winning 11 wowhoohhoo... felt damn good to be a pro haha... after that went to drink really really alot.. omg i remembered that i couldnt even walk straight haha.. but it was a hell of a nite to drink alot.. alot of nice drinks.. i think? maybe i aready drank too much.. haha... but the hangover the next day was damn horrible.. and i still went for npstrings practice... and guess what my instructor dunnoe if he is joking say i will be the solo of my section? and i was like huh?? hahaha i wanna keng one ah.. i aready kena sit center front.. well oh yea details to np strings concert nexy week .. MUST MUST COME!!
its nice trust me even duo its classical
=)

DATE 19 May 2007 Saturday
LOCATION NGEE ANN POLY LT 26
TIME be seated by 6.45pm ends 9pm
ADMISSION FEE free!!!
(confirm wif me yur comming asap.. by sms or msn also can just say u comming i need to count how many comming)
hope to really see u guys there.. =)

ps: i think i shot myself at my head 2 days ago.. omg..

163 above in action!!
group photo

having the biggest headach of my life b4 the concert started. how sad is that =(

today is like a fresh start for me.. i suddenly realise how much i got to catch up wif my studies. lately have been slacking alot.. trying to get a new blog skin for my blog. i just revived my PC ! finally ! friday is hopnite i really cant WAIT!! haha .. tml chek wye and mark overniting my house to prepare on friday. i really look forward performing.. oh yea btw i got a new guitar!!! FENDER !! wohoo hahaha.. finally its like a dream come true.. i swear i will make it someday playing music.. i really love the guitar alot and it felt so good playing wif it. all thanks to my DAD!! i really dunnoe how to thank him but i noe he wants me to do good wif music someday.. the best way to repay him is my studies and a very promising career so that he doesnt to have to worry about my difficulties anymore..

just cleared up my table in my room also.. i realise i got alot alot of songs in my pc.. all the old songs.. a collection of what i had since sec skool haha.. abt 20 GB worth of music .. no wonder my laptop like feels so little song in it

tml gonna buy my guitar hard case and then they comming my house to jam .. so yea.. hope to update some pics really soon

hi everyone.. i am so high now that i cannot sleep ahha.. anyway.. had a soccer match just now.. won 5-3 ... but i got damn fucking tired haha.. my stamina got to retrain man!

tml jamming session.. should be one of the very important one to prepare us for hop nite! yeayeayaeyea... tonite i gonna jam the whole nite.. starting the first song for my band's very own album 163!!!

i been researching alot on my instruments i gonna get.. alot alot of effects so yea.. its nice to be exprimental.. kk nothing much else to say

rock on

had a long long day today... first woke up in the morning to do some slideshow for my percival blog then just stayed home the whole day... later in the afternoon met justin and samuel to go ice skating.. later on a few of my freshies join in.. had really alot of fun skating... well i still learning how to do the T break haha.. but its cool la.. was glad that my P1 mates could come and join.. while we were skating the rest who din wanna skate went to play k pool BO JIO! haha.. i wanted to play pool la.. but too bad i was skating .. after that went for an interview wif samuel and libin.. tml is the training day.. well i find it cool to be working with frens.. haha.. okay in the end i met the rest of them in town BK! we stayed there for a couple of hours talking rubbish haha.. really laughing my ass off.. been quite a while having this laughing session.. well.. quite sad i had to head home early as i have my curfew till 12.. so they went to 302 coffeeshop to lepak while i go home.. its sad that i cant join them... i go home earlier also like no diff end up being alone in my room just being damn emo..

tml gonna play squash in the morning wif mark and jasmine and then have a jamming session then go training for work... hop night is confirm next friday!!!omg omg its getting nearer each day..

well... life now is getting even for me.. still abit emo here and there.. i believe when school starts i wun get any better..


this song kinda of reflects my feelings (true)

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

Photobucket Album

Hello civals! i created this slideshow for just u all! enjoy the show =)
btw sorry that most of the pictures are from my p1 .. so yea.. p1 be proud cause i am proud of you ! (try to mute the blog's music by pausing it and listen to this slideshow's song its nice trust me )try viewing it twice.. just gaze and listen the music. the magic of music.

its been a long long while since i last update.. so well. yea.. FOC camp rocks!! making a whole new bunch of frens again. being a gl is a very nice feeling.. how i wished i could live a life of a gl once more.. its something really nice to be... leading the freshies.. at the end of the camp.. i was too touched wif everyone till i got to pour all my emotions out.. sounds dumb but really i felt soo touched.. it was great to work wif my group memebers and the freshies..

after foc we had a few outings.. still quite active.. i really hope the spirit wont die out.. but it will happen sadly when everyone has their own class and everything.. it feels so strange suddenly without seeing u guys everyday.. but i hope that when skool starts please dun forget who we are =)
well i am now enroll into a new class with new people .. i kind of like the idea of that but yea.. got to study hard man.. my gpa like kena sia last semester.. well okay tonight i update more.. now quite tired

hard time

i have come to a very critical moment of my life now.. its like so busy now.. tonite i have work till 12.. then tml have to practice jamming till noon then go work.. monday go sentosa wif my foc group.. then practice jamming after that.. and tuesday whole day jamming.. but the thing is that i cant get the members get right on time for practice.. its so stressful for me.. well how i wish i had more time..

Hello people again... back from FOC trail camp.. lost my voice haha.. as usual.. had really a great time there.. its been a year back when i was that really happy. becoming a GL this time round.. feels damn good.. well to tell you the truth i cant wait for the actual camp to be rocking wif the freshies.. leading the hundreds agian... i really enjoy leading big group of people since i was in secondary school days in NCC.. even i was suppose to be the one that is fierce and Evil the big one.. haha i guess i just wanna make everyone happy and have a fun learning journey bonding them together.. i really miss the times i had in sec skool days in camp.. this FOC camp is gonna be bigger and more fun... the trail camp was quite a big success for all the GLs.. i had 4 days non stop fun hahaha... reall i enjoyed myself really alot... even i hate to admit i did stone in the camp at certain point of time is because i am like recalling how was is it like again being so bonded wif my group like we it happen last year wif naga.. well i was kinda named during the trail camp but who cares as long it makes everyone happy and so do i hahaha... i really hope that my group PERCIVAL would be one of best group in the coming FOC.. coming up wif your very own original cheers.. is just awesome. .just like playing music to me.. now the biggest challenge how to make the first day of FOC for the freshie real fun wif a big bang haha.. no more cock ups.. just pure fun and madness hahha... after being through the trail camp.. i just wanna be wif my group members.. they are sooo FUN!! haha.. even losing our voices we still joke around and laugh like monkeys haha.. 3 more weeks.. i think the gls should meet up more and more often to have the strong bonding.. this coming monday we are going to sentosa! haha surely this one confirm damn fun.. from today onwards i will try my very best to update my blog more often.. cause i dun want this point of my life to just pass by.. i wan to have a memoir of this moment even nobody cares.. yea..
another thing that is my biggest concern is the audition at ben n jerry next tuesday... omg my band wif the lack of practice.. die sia... i wanna really have a solid band to break into the music industry wif has always been my biggest dream.. well i really hope so i do get in someday.. i pray hard that this audition is the first step for us =)

sup

hey everyone.. its been a real long time i last update..especially its 2007! OMG haha.. okok

that is a picture of me waking up on the 1st day of the year! haha.. super shagged man.. and

its time to unleash the beast muhaha.. lol.. sleeping on newspaper wtf..

and here some of my cousins posing wif the walk of the 2007 .. i look super shag behind those shades lol..

anyway.. skool reopen as usual.. getting my results back.. not bad.. lol.. but could be better..

i just watched CRASH just now.. josiah borrow the dvd from vidz easy. so yea now i have to return it.. its a super nice show.. got to watch it or u regret.. its about interracial conflicts in america at LA.. the whole show is super meaningful.. comming to think of it.. this show makes u feel safe here in singapore somehow lol.. but yea.. a show u cannot miss..

well if there is anything i wanna update here.. hrmm.. oh yea i been working quite alot actually but recently they decided to cut cost and yea i work lesser hours and lesser days.. like wth .. so i found a job paying 7 an hour opposite my restaraunt lol... !!

besides work.. i been consistanly reminding myself about my music passion.. i miss playing music so badly.. and oh yea... 3 MORE DAYS TO MUSE CONCERT!! MUAHAHAHAH.. BUT!!! i am going this concert alone.. cause no one i know could afford to come wif me.. really sad but yea.. i cant miss this concert for sure.. haiz....

on the other hand.. i am quite glad that my cousin bonds are getting stronger.. we now meet up much more often and talk abt all our problems and doubts.. i mean like u noe we treat each other like blood brothers.. i have a feeling that later in life when we grow old.. we'll surely have something that we are gonna do together like a business or something.. if we carry on being close =)

it keeps raining and raining everyday.. the only thing i worry is that the concert on tuesday how?? rain or shine they will still go on i noe.. but yea.. just scared will spoil my plan enjoying the music..

back on business

hey everyone.. its been ages since i last posted on my blog.. well my firefox screwed up and my internet too.. its holidays and i have been working almost everyday.. well basically my life is getting abit better at the moment.. i spend most of my time out normally wif my cousins on this holiday.. they come over and sleep in my room and make a mess of it lol.. but yea.. and because of that i lack of sleep really alot.. i just a really weird dream just now.. i din noe why.. but yea its super weird and unexpected.. but who cares.. i aint gonna tell anyone haha..

i am still currently trying to find a better job with a better pay.. the work place is working now is okay just that my supervisor is fucked up.. i dun think she even deserves to be called a supervisor.. cause all she does is fucking up everyone's moral.. it would really fun working without her on her offdays .. well too bad la.. and always come up with some stupid reasons to
me that i aint doing my work propely. i just dun get the idea.. at first u publish on the papers 6.5 an hour and now i come saying 6 as i had no experience and now u saying i not doing much enough? the job i applied is waiter not a cleaner.. when its really fucking boring and u do all u can find to do to do something .. u just wait for work rite? fuck it man.. i cant stand finding things to do even u had found the job.. bascially yur job is to find another thing to do.. everyone hates her.. too bad.. who ask u to be such a bitch.. a real pain in the ass.. well i giving another shot in showing things could work out.. if she still bitches me around.. thats it.. i am getting another job..

anyway new year is comming.. and my year of 2006 felt so empty.. i dun noe why.. but i can tell that the happiest time i had in 2006 was my 2months in jjc .. after that.. is was just normal and simple life.. sucky fucked up life rite.. anyway.. when i start skool agian in 2007 i think i wanna really kick some ass .. haha.. going to the muse concert! thats what i am waiting for.. and payday is on 28 dec.. cause bank will be close at the end of year.. so yea.. WOHOoooo!! money money money.. !! well my bro thinks that i am money driven.. which i think its true.. muahaha.. i think i should use money to motivate more into my studies... lol..

Starlight

Starlight

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

My life
You electrify my life
Let’s conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive

i'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die

i'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations

Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
You in my arms

hey.. tml my final theory and i hope i pass this time!!! freaking waited sooooooo long for it.. haiz.. also my mt prac common test.. my test all comming i still slack lol. but i quite confident can pass one la.. haha..

i bought the muse tickets aready!!! WOOHOO!! MUAHHAHAHAHAHA

grow

I Wanna Grow Old With You
Another day without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now i know how much it means
For you to stay right here with me
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurts so bad i can't take it any longer.

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you.

A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad i can't take it any longer.

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you.

Things can come and go
I know but
Baby I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me.

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you.

today i had a very very tiring start of the day..reach home from work 2 am just now.. i barely even slept.. i think one day my body is gonna give in.. i dunnoe why suddenly i have this sudden burst of energy to just work.. i guess its also to pass time faster.. nothing is holding me back to cherish the moment.. so yea.. might as well just dash into the future.

BTW I GOT 1 GOOD NEWS!! MUAHAHHAHA .. MUSE I COMMING TO SINGAPORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG yea they are here.. right here in singapore in january... definately i will go no matter how much it cost.. well i am treating khai on this one for this birthday.. its gonna be explosive !! hell yea !!! muahhaha..

Finally its just you and me MATTEW BELLAMY! Face to Face!

down and out

hey... today was kind of a sad day for me.. well i was cut from the school team... guess i aint that good enough to be in the team.. felt quite dissapointed with myself.. well i still looking forward to train and towards np league next year.. patience...

i think my life now where i stand at now... i feel that bring me back 2 years ago.. i was much happier.. the difference is that now being more independent.. i do almost everything myself.. spending more time on my own.. what i can say is that my journey now feels more lonely than ever.. obviously one of the thing that i every love doing was playing music.. and thats something i neglected alot currently.. its sad that i cant really manage my time to fufill my desires in music.. its a shame .. haiz..

being cut, being left out , being down
happens to the best of us i guess =)
never take out that smile off my face
just keep going ahead

good time

hey.. had a soccer competition yesterday morning.. wif my cousins , faiz , im , dicky and my close pals khairul and mike! well even thought we only played until quartar finals.. we still felt proud that we played as one.. i cant remember the last time we actually the last time we played soccer so passionate.. i just wanna thank everyone who came down to play soccer yesterday.. really appricate yur effort comming down.. =)

well after that went home an then went out agian to watch li ying's school drama play.. on the way was abit rush lol.. cause everyone also last min start buying flowers and all that.. well made in time for the show.. so far i think this is one of the better drama plays i watch lol.. i never really had the chance to know the story of beauty and the beast..since the play was that so yea i kind of know the story.. after that had dinner at hereens wif them yea.. was hell of a good time meeting back all my old pals .. =)

good time

hey.. had a soccer competition yesterday morning.. wif my cousins , faiz , im , dicky and my close pals khairul and mike! well even thought we only played until quartar finals.. we still felt proud that we played as one.. i cant remember the last time we actually the last time we played soccer so passionate.. i just wanna thank everyone who came down to play soccer yesterday.. really appricate yur effort comming down.. =)

well after that went home an then went out agian to watch li ying's school drama play.. on the way was abit rush lol.. cause everyone also last min start buying flowers and all that.. well made in time for the show.. so far i think this is one of the better drama plays i watch lol.. i never really had the chance to know the story of beauty and the beast..since the play was that so yea i kind of know the story.. after that had dinner at hereens wif them yea.. was hell of a good time meeting back all my old pals .. =)

Day1 : in my grandma's house haha.. ayyub , faiz and me !!  

Day 1 : on the way to my grandma's house me & ayyub =) 

hey

hello everyone once more.. just came back from chalet yesterday... haha from tuesday till friday.. well many things happen along the way.. i ran out of house.. kinda of when nobodys home cause my dad just wun let me go .. so yea i simply just walked out the house and went to the chalet.. than he started calling me and treaten me abt alot of things.. well i din wanna pick up the phone first but yea i just listen to let him scold all he want.. i wrote a message on the table for them to read.. said i really need a break.. cause next week is skool and why cant i just enjoy my last week.. well.. i went back home at nite back the next moring i went back.. lol.. they told me to come back home at night but i din cared.. cause i really wanna stay.. went out wif greg and bazel.. the next day was reimi's birthday at midnight.. so we celebrated his birthday in MOS hahah.. i got in free cause i was an ambassador for some sites.. was cool to get into the vip room all that.. but its was so freaking crowed.. so yea i just end up chilling out wif my mates most of the time =) it was cool ya noe.. in the club for once just chilling in the vip room.. knowing more frens from rp.. reimi's fren duo.. kinda of cool people haha..

everyone was like having a hell of a good time.. the next day went to reimi's house to sleep wif ayat also.. haha.. then i head my way back home.. but my dad picked me up at celementi so i went to skool to buy my notes and then follow my bro and cousin go to queensway .. he got sheva's old boots which is damn freaking cheap la.. 94 bucks!! haha.. but i was eyeing on the new tunit f50 !! 265 !!! so ex la.. but its damn good.. was so tempted ya noe..

well when i got home wif my bro.. i saw pizza hut!! whahaha.. but well yea.. my mum was mad at me as u noe haha.. i guess things should be a little different now i guess.. walking out of that door of my house was something that took them up to the roof top scolding me.. and get super mad.. when i got home.. they were like all cooled down.. but yea this week is the week i never forget..

well cant wait for skool next week duo =) also tml is my grading .. wish me all the best haha

touching

i am having a movie marathon in my own room haha.. watched the break up,coyote ugly and lake house.. all of them are nice .. i just only watched lake house a couple of mins ago.. the starting abit slow.. but than when i get to understand.. its really nice.. about this guy who is from the past 2 years ago and this woman who is 2 years in the future of the guy.. so yea.. two people in two different timming.. kind of sweet the way how they kept their so called long distance relationship. they communicate through this mailbox at a lakehouse.. where the mail will have a link between the past and future.. following the story line , seeing how both of them kept the relationship even they cant see each other.. it makes thing special i guess.. cause this way u will noe the person by heart.. it would naturally tell u that this person is special.. so that is why they are still together even not physically.. but the ending is quite awesome.. its kind of a fantasy ending but yea. shows that even when the world is comming to an end.. dun give up hope =)go and watch it yurself haha...

coyote ugly is also another kind of love story but its abt this gal who move to new york to become a musican.. but end up working at a bar .. entertaining people by singing and dancing.. i kind of like the way how she met the guy and how they been through.. well well if u wana noe u got to watch the movie!!! hahaha

anyway i brought my keyboard and my mic up into my room.. cause i wanna practice more keyboard and do some recordining.. can say that my old pc is turnning into a music recording station haha.. even wif the monitor like u noe .. cannot see .. but still i made use of it.. just for music =) now i am squeezing at a corner of my room wif my laptop and my 2.1 altec lansing speakers haha.. kinda of small but nice =)

bored home

hello everyone.. it has been quite a long holiday for me yea.. and its fasting month too.. well i have been damn bored at home recently.. and have this weird feelins like u noe when u think that yur left alone by the world and i just lay home watch movies and do my things.. time just pass by like that even i could not remember wad day is it..

well i am currently listening to this song "All my life" by kc and jojo. its one of my childhood fav song .. i really like this song because its a special song meant for someone special..

its has really been very slow for me these few days.. well i only blog when i have things to share with.. basically i have not been anything lately so yea.. so its sad that i like u noe.. couldnt do anything different.. well i hope and i pray that maybe someday i can find something to spend my time on =)