Tuesday, December 18, 2007

sad long day

i woke up this morning having this anxious feeling for my car test today. even the past few nights i had nightmare that some things in life i just cant get and it just gets even further. i went there an hour earlier for my car warm up before the test. everything was perfect. but yet during the test i screwed up big big big time =(
my very first course the vertical parking which was one of the easiest task to do but yet i screwed up.. the fucking rain!!! why why why? =( because of that my judgement wasnt accurate and it screwed up my parking. and later suddenly the tester tap the front so i did the emergency brake and almost everything from the back flew to the front. i was shocked but well its the correct thing that i did how to stop the car but after that i did the most stupid mistake ever. to change lane late and end up changing on a bend and obstruct the road.. because of this 3 stupid stupid mistake it cause my license =(

maybe i am just born not to have such privilege ? i dunnoe yet confused.. got to wait another 4 months!!! for the next test.. haiz.... damn damn sad.

anyway yat and i rented a car today and we drove around to have some fun. but still at the back of my mind my stupid mistake to fail the test. because everything else i did was close to perfect.. oh my =(

i just got home and yea feeling down.. so that means i am gonna get my bike first as the test is in 2 months. i wish myself all the best. lol..

Monday, December 10, 2007



a picture of my new love =)

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

After all this why
Would you ever want to leave
Maybe you could not believe it

That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

Friday, December 07, 2007

BACK TO LIFE!!

HEY YO! finally i recovered from my sickness after 1 week BEING SICK AND CANT DO MUCH!! muahaha.. i hope i could complete my band's demo by this weekend so we could sign up for baybeats next year. well life been quite nice this year i suppose? get alot of stuffs? hrmm more happening than ever !

i damn lazy to blog now days.. because no mood ..
well i upload my band pics when we are done this weekend

cheers!!!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Accepted back to SCHOOL!

yea i am back to SCHOOL! woot!! =)
better focus and don't fool around anymore ming
go finish my bike prac faster then get bike so can buy more time to relax ? haha
well if i got bike i go home early everyday also can
hari raya is comming fasting still never miss 1 day muhaha yea !

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Can you feel your heart beat racing?

Talk to Rex on the phone last night. And he said that he wants to make it happen that our band perform at DXO this novemeber . Well i also badly want to perform at DXO. anyway just met my fren who came over near my place to tell me abt some business stuff. kinda of interesting. my ambition is always about making money and doing the the things i ever wanted. It hit me hard that i can't always drool over my bad education results. after all its a qualification that i need to work. and that money is limited and its not guarantee that its stable that i get that amount of money. i have always believe that investing in business and making my own business is the way to make money. and you don't need a high qualification to do that. it somehow made me look towards the bright side of life. my fren also drop out like me, said that don't see it as a bad thing i got expelled from school. maybe its a sign or something. this is my downfall of life , thats what my parents see me . well if its my downfall , i don't blame anyone. i always too believe that life is about ups and downs. too bad that my parents dun think that way. i do really want to achieve the things i have set my goal for.

In this world when people talk business , they say its bullshit
until you show them the money at their face
its the money that will shut them up
infact people who say its bullshit are the cowards
who don't dare to take the risk
i am willing to suffer all the pain i am having now to work towards my goal.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

The day I tried to be a better man

well yea my results came.. my biggest nightmare came through. happy?
i got kick out of school. i am going to NS. happy?
well maybe its fated for me to go through this.
went to school wif my parents and bro to appeal against my dismissal earlier today. they said have a chance.. maybe. 2 out of 10?
i think i better prepare myself for NS.
i imagined this when i was taking the exams. i guess no body knew how scared i was. and now its no use being scared.
even before my results came. i swear if i pass and get to continue i would really study like a mad dog. haiz..
my family wants me to changed? stop music? stop all my life?
finding it hard to accept to really stop music . i dunnoe why even i knew studies came first. who doesnt want to change to be a better person.
my parents thought its my music that distract me the most.
well i find it hard to accept la.
but i have to change.
and i come to realise that actually i spend most of my time
doing nothing?
really nothing?
i been slacking , sleeping, lepaking too much i think.
if i were to put my studies ahead of all the things i wanna do
then i can do whatever i want.
i dun think they trust me anymore.
thats why i think i might as well go ns to lose all my freedom.
its like losing my life.
i know its important. but its just like so dead la.. i cannot live wif it.
sorry i think like a small boy. but i too wanna make my own decisions.
i am turning 20 next year. and still i am like u know . being told to study and all.. haiz.. how to change like that. dun blame them but i wish i had the chance to learn things the hard way. because the easy way doesnt get in my head.
what am i talking? shit... my mind is going nuts
okok i will change.
seriously i will.
but please dun tell me what to cut and all. i want to make my own decision to know what i want to choose. i know i always tend to do so many things at 1 time. but well okok.. i list down now and see if its better
1 studies
2 music (np strings and my own band)

is that alot?

well i guess its hard for some people to understand how much i am gonna change. well. , no point talking so much. i got to show it to them. well if u think i am talking too much here? this is a blog . come one its thoughts in my head. i am not like gonna tell people by mouth what i mention here rite?

okok

may tml be a better day

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Back playing soccer,back to injury


hey yesterday had my first soccer match in don't know how many months? felt so damn rusty.. well the game was at tampinies safra !! damn far.. but well the new field paid it off =) playing on new artificial grass.. was quite a though game but well we lost 3-2 . could had scored more on our side. and yea i think i am damn rusty now playing. i was given the left back position . the position that i played in secondary school days. well the 1st half of the match i was dying because my stamina is draining me up very fast. i almost wanted to faint. well i held on till half time. i was wasting way to much energy trying to chase the players and overlap . 2nd half was better as i manage to pace my energy out evenly. even had a decent shot but gone wide. better than 1st half. well my legs are weak now. and my stamina . alot of work out and training has to be done! even my control and passing. i miss being on tip top condition playing and always make a difference in the team. well now my legs are aching because i got tackled quite badly in the first half. the guy boots landed on my left ankle while i cleared the ball. can see the boot marks on my leg now lol.. okok going to driving lesson now and later going for my guitar lesson.

Monday, September 03, 2007

empty

hello i know its been quite awhile since i last updated my blog.. well i just came back from chek wye birthday outing. and its like 3.15AM now OMG! feeling super shagged.. well zero to hero competition is finally over. well i assume we are all noe heros? i dun feel like i accomplish much. rather disappointed with myself.. well i really had fun with u guys jamming and all but i am just u noe stubborn just not happy with myself for not doing being.. i am not a hero till i overcome my greatest challenge. i know my mentally is very competitive and its very bold and dumb.

all i wanna say is that i am proud of drop-d to pull off a good show even we did everything at the very last min. well something that struck me was when one of the judges told me this "you are a good man, dun let others tell you otherwise" and chek wye gave me a pad on my back. well feel kind of relief. my vocal i can still say it sucks to the core. the only thing i had was my showman ship going nuts and act like as though i am some superstar trying to impress the crowd. it really feels great holding the mic and have hundred of eyes watching you. well i really love to be somebody someday to be a front man and have the power. what they always call it " with the lift of your fingers, you lift up the world "

currently i have alot alot of things i been thinking about. and i felt that sometimes my life is kinda of empty. the only thing i feel comfortable filling in is music. well i hope that i can add more spices to my life than just being like this forever.i rather die . getting sick of the same stuff everyday. and when i take a look around. i just envy of all the things that i dun have. its just killing me.

its a cold day
my heart is empty
arms feeling weak
eyes wide shut

mind in an illusion
memories elude
hopes turned cold
soul is dying

stain on my shirt
torn out of baby arms
tears came crashing
smell of dead roses

saw the light at the end of the road
its dark and freezing cold here
dreamt of an angel
telling me everythings okay

but when i open my eyes
it was empty

Thursday, August 30, 2007

challengers




hello back from camp thats a pic of me and mark celebrating our 1st yea anniversary. and thats vell with chee ko pek smile and suren wif his lame face hahaha.. well camp was quite a turn off.. well made some new frens here and there. damn tired now anyway. dun know what to do for the rest of the holidays =(

Thursday, August 23, 2007

new skin

hello! i think this skin is freaking awesome because its the lyrics from the song "iris" superb song. well its meaningful to me. anyway exams are over and i pray hard that i will pass all my subjects and continue with my poly life. i just cant imagine the worse. its really scary. who knows that it would be my last time coming to school taking the exams and coming to school normally. its really really scary i can say. well now its holidays i should be enjoying as much as i can lol.

i started work like the day after my final paper. can say teaching the juniors was really fun. they had to prepare for this robotics competition and i was there to assist them and encourage them. well they were sitting on the floor figuring out how to make the robot move more accurate. to collect these 3 bricks from their base. lol. its lego my childhood toy haha.. anyway well after 2 hours the kids working out on the solution they accidentally hit the power off their laptop and all the documents are gone lol. so they have to like retype the whole program out.. well i pity them so i sat on the floor wif them and help them out. lol.. its really cute and nice to like see how the juniors respect . they were like saying " wah teacher so pro. we take 2 hours to figure out, he 2 hours can liao " haha.. of course la or else why would i be paid to help them lol. well its really nice mixing around wif the juniors . i miss my sec school days. i think if i would be a teacher i would be too nice to be one haha.. i always never like scolding people but just talking to them to like encourage them. because forcing is no use. once u win their heart. what ever u do in life with yur heart, surely it will work. no point forcing them . well look at myself i think my life is really screwed up. and i dun see my self as a role model for them to follow . all my life.. the only thing that isnt perfect for me has always been my studies. i dunnoe if its because i am dumb or what. well i kinda of figure out that my motivational spirit i super weak. i always intend to give up halfway and not focus. i always hated myself for being lazy. and regret .

well now its holidays all i can only look forward to is JAMMING! got the role or rhythm guitarist for Rex band. pretty awesome but of course i would prefer playing lead guitar. haha.. lead is like the way to feel the guitar . everytime play power chord sure sianz one haha.. tml indra aiman mark and chek wye comming my house to jam the whole day.. hopefully we will work something out for saturday rehearsal.

my life aint perfect but i can't complain , i think i am fortunate enough to suffer this less . as i known people who needs it more than i do. i realize i always feel like i am in an illusion . i still don't know what makes me feel like its reality. its always abt dreams and nightmares.

with every hidden message there will always be a reason

Friday, August 17, 2007

ROCK BABY ROCK!!

omfg.. i am bloody high now.. because i am gonna be in rex's band playing guitar now.. wtf awesome rite? the band name is "Beyond Crimson Horizon" fucking shiok baby.. got to learn this 2 songs from underoath. "young and inspiring" and "when the sun sleeps" damn nice song when the sun sleeps.. got keyboard and all. next saturday our first jamming session.. and guess what ? the drummer that i found on the net. also listens to muse. fucking awesome .. the bassist in the band also do.. cant imagine we jam Stockholm syndrome ! hahaha..

omg omg exam saturday now still can dream abt jamming and all.. haven study somemore die die.. but i dun care. MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC is my blood.! :D shiok man.. i cannot wait till holidays.. start writing songs and all. currently i am earning money teaching music.. 60 per person a month. not bad income la.. hope by end of this year we have songs to play in gigs! yea! omg i love this feeling . when u feel u finally found a band . feels like i have found my love! I love it ! My love my passion my music.


with music i dun care abt anything else. just wanna rock rock rock! yea!!!
LETSSSS GOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am insane yes i am
i am sick of doing other things instead of music.
prays hard
that our band will establish into the music industry with our very own album.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

shit




wtf am i doing here.. its 5am now and my exam is 10am later. wtf man.. i still got to study .. well npd was okat took some pics from my bro lol.. went out wif his mac crew.. well damn pai sei sia.. cause i like a stranger extra .. anyway had quite alot of fun duo haha.. i was like the whole day.. omg omg i never go singfest .. wth.. =( well the fireworks and air planes actually made my day! wohoo.. lepak wif my bro and his gang la.. bo bian hahaha... all my frens busy self studying sio..!! haha.. i going nuts because of the exams.. omg omg.. please please just let me pass and fast forward time for once :D haha.. and let the good time roll ..

anyway.. i still high over the happenings on baybeats! yeap yeap.. anyway i got a job opening 12 dollars per hour.. work as a teacher? teach play game haha.. cool eh? at nan hua sec eh.. dun play play haha.. but too bad one of the days is the first day of challangers.. anyway cant wait till camp and music camp! oh yea of course spending out time in the jamming room for days agian!!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Those notes you wrote me,
I've kept them all.
I've given alot of thought,
On how to write you back this fall,

With every single letter,
In every single word,
There will be a hidden message
About a boy that loves a girl,

Do you care if I, dont know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight?,
Or will you think of me?
Will I shake this off,
Pretend its all okay?
That there's someone out there who feels just like me...
There is.

pics



Sunday, August 05, 2007

MOSH!!!1

hell yea !!!!!!!!! WOWOWOWOWHOHOHOHO!!
hehehehe.. baybeats was freaking fucking awesome dudes! went with hashim,hakim ,rex and hakim's fren ! WTF it was the best night ever in my life.. i finally got to body surf! and on top of that. i did it five times!!! WOOOOO!!! fucking awesome la.. when u are above the crowd. well one of the five times i ended up landing on my upper back bone with a crack ouch! but i dun give a fuck haha.. still continue moshing and dancing.. hehe.. fucking awesome guys. AVA was awesome but the Swedish band was even more fucking awesome! hehe.. screamo!!!! had a really great time with you guys and the concert!! i always wanted to body surf. and its feels fucking awesome and randomly just make frens around to help each other body surf. awesome! hehe the whole year i been waiting for this fucking event and hell yea! hehe

well the last night i went to watch caracal but only went there to watch only cause i brought eunice and her fren there so cannot have the violent fun hehe. went to watch this thai movie ALONE . hashim came late so yea. waited for him so we had to watch the 11.35pm show. lepak the whole night.. only watched 1 band in baybeats. omg the show ALONE is damn shocking la.. haha i hate to hear the sudden sound and the stupid retard face of the ghost hehe.. well was quite a good show to scare people. quite a slack nite anyways cant compare to what happen just now.

omg !!! we actually dance , cheered, jeered, flew all over the place in the middle of the hundereds watching hehe.. i hope i was caught in the photo taken during the photo shooting of the band with the crowd. because i was kneeling on rex shoulders!! WOW!! fun!!! and being up there and motiving the crowd was awesome. and some people around me actually just hug me and enjoy the movie. great atmosphere . well at the end of the concert it looked like i was thrown in the river as i was drenched in perspiration. saw alot of similar faces all over the place . was awesome. great job guys!!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

school

in school now waiting for khai and klemon to finish their class to come for break lunch =) damn fucking bored now. sitting alone in the atrium . browsing through the net randomly . still quite a long day to go today. dunnoe if i should watch simpsons today or not. god i realize how much of a big spender i am lol.. shall continue blogging when i get home

Monday, July 30, 2007

long time comming

its been quite a long time since i last update.. what happen ? haha went to quite a lot of concerts these few days and oh yea just conducted my first bass lesson just now. paid 50 a month to teach once a week. not bad eh? =)
well last week had a pretty tough time. failed my bike prac and alot of things la. now at russ house lepaking haha.. how cool can it be? tml school start at 8am but i think i gonna go only at 9 am wif them haha.. i got a feeling we are gonna oversleep !! haha. i just can't wait till all my exams are over so i can just start jamming and enjoy the holidays. i feel that this comming holidays is gonna be a long and good one ! oh yea mat nor say wanna go batam then maybe go thailand? see how man haha..
next week is baybeats!! YEA !! hahaha.. and the following week singfest. cannot afford the ticket la $100 eh.. so gonna just crash la.. i think i going alot of concerts this year.. but its awesome man. concert ROCKS! =) yesterday just went to orchard wif shim and kel to watch a few bands. some good some okok. but the best part of yesterday is the dinner i had wif my family .. OMFG its awesome la.. buffet. i remembered once my ex telling me the place opposite far east , beside dfs the hotel there the first level the buffet there power. well only after 2 years than i go there wif my family to eat .. OMG the FOOD !! POWER!! got alot alot alot of food man.. like food heaven haha.. but its 50bucks person.. my dad pay all so yea.. not so heart pain la .

this comming week which is today? later go skool wtf haha.. study study!! haha then go np strings? tuesday school for only 2 hours then go car prac. dunnoe when wanna book my bike prac. tuesday gonna watch simpsons wif russ sop shim and dunnoe who else.. haha.. then comming friday gonna watch movie plus baybeats!! =) caracal will be there.. so yea gonna rock hard man.. lol..

haiz if i could just pause time and do whatever i want .. but well we will always grow old and grey. so live life to the fullest =)