What a start MATE!! =)

HELLLLLLLLOO !!! I dunnoe why i feel so fresh now..! its time to start over new.. this is only the begining ... =) after i asked ellice for a last meet to clear my things out.. and she rejected or perhaps delayed it until june cause busy.. well.. i think its okay la.. if wan to drag .. drag lor.. When the going gets tough.. the tough gets going! =) This is my life.. my passion my tale.. and it always be.. Its better to be clear of what i need to know.. than thinking of false hopes.. now its has ended... this means a new start ... a NEW BORN!!!!! woooohooo!!!

Muse is the best band in the world.. MUAHAHAHHAHA

Cross Country

Hello people once agian =) today had my cross country run.. got 2oth in position.. even it sounds so lousy.. i am still happy i manage to completed the race.. i could had given up.. My mind was half blacking out.. i din drink or eat anything b4 the race.. ran wif an empty stomach.. it has really a very long painful moment.. i kept telling myself not to give up... mind over body.. was the key that kept me going.. while running in the race.. many things came through my mind.. reminding me of the past when i was sec 1 till now sec 5.. so many mermories.. but i kind of disappointed getting 20th cause i used to be better than that.. sec 3 was my best.. i got 6th even being the disadvantage of the B division..

Today i listen to a few songs to clam my mind down after the broke up.. it still does go through my mind alot.. its never easy ... because its a feeling in me.. from my heart.. i can't force it.. or else i will never be true to myself.. even she had lost all feelings for me.. it hasn't for me.. i dun know how she managed to do that too.. but it still exist in me.. so many things ran through my mind.. recording how i feel into the white notebook.. The songs below i post them because i can say that is how i really feel.. its alot of mixture... either you love or you hate.. because i only know very limited of what really happened.. my english does suck alot.. but i dun care how i type here because i want to spot my mistakes... An Jing has been the song i been listening for a very long time.. until it is really happening to me.. its a nice song.. Today when i ran through my mind agian why this feeling i kept feeling is because.. that i can accept the fact she lost feelings for me and broke up.. i can't accept is the way of how it all happen... maybe i was too slow or unaware.. Its too difficult to think over it just like that.. I choose to slove matters than to replace it wif another thing.. because i think i should learn to slove things and learn all this things of how it all happened... I still think of the past.. but i dun live in the past.. its dragging me.. whatever i think of.. it always come to my mine.. even its like this now...

2 more weeks and i am off to australia for 10 days.. leaving all my sorrows unslove.. it will always remain.. i need to clear things out.. but there is nothing i can do abt it now either.. so i live with it.. thinking everyday... This journey for me has always been rough.. ups and downs.. Hope i can ever live my life to the fullest..

Sometimes in life you got to live with what you get..Only if i could live with what i must get

Gui Ji

This song is from jay zhou also.. Gui Ji.. very nice song to hear.. i hear it everynight to clam my feelings down

Orbit

How can I hide my sorrow?
The place I lost you
The scent of your hair
Scatters hastily
I already cannot follow it

Close my eyes
I can still see
The vestige of when you left
Under the moonlight
Always been searching for
That figure that I miss

If you said that break up is the starting point of pain
Then before the finish line
I am willing to love again
Want to say to you
The love I dare not say
Will there be someone who understands?

I will be staring blankly
Then forget you
Shortly after that I will tightly close my eyes
Thinking of which day
When there will be someone to be in your place
To make me not think about you anymore

I will be staring blankly
Then smile
Shortly after that I will tightly close my eyes
Think about it again
Your gentle face
Before I forget

The tears in my heart
Obscures my visual line
Soon you already cannot be seen

White Flag

White Flag -Dido

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of It's over
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All I was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Silence

This is the translation of An Jing

Only the piano is left over to talk with me for a day
The sleeping cello
The old silence
I think that you have already made it very clear
I understand and I know
You will not miss
You say you will feel sad, I don’t believe
Holding you being with me
It is only the past
Hope that he really needs to love you more compared to me
Only then will I force myself to leave
You want me to say it, it is very embarrassing
I basically do not want to part
Why do I still have to use subtle smile to carry across?
I do not have this kind of talent to
Tolerate you and accept him
Don’t need to worry too much
I will constantly live well
You have already left far away
I will also slowly walk away
Why must I be yielding to you even for separation?
I really do not have a talent
Won't become silent this fast
I will learn to give you up
It is because I love you too much

Realise

hello once agian... today i seem to realise things that are suppose to be about a month ago.. Well ... things happen faster than i realise.. The change in me is what is all about.. Since this year.. i been trying very hard to focus on my O levels.. and say things that i wanna have alot.. which are some too big to set goals.. yesterday totally vend all my feelings out on this blog.. because that is what i only see and felt..

just only today jw tell me things propely and i see it now.. too late.. but better than never.. i dunnoe how am i gonna prepare my life towards the future.. things that i ever wanted seem just under my nose.. all i got to do is work very hard for it.. dun take it for granted.. I love to be always motivated towards goals.. cause its give me disire of the things i want.. reciving one thing that is good to have and giving is also as important things in life.. today i read this chinese book which i took from my fren to read it as it has love saga seeds all over the cover pictures of it.. the title in chinese is " doing things which are correct or wrong.. its all because doing it for love " thats one thing i encounter.. and have many stories in the book and began reading aCHINESE book! haha.. I can say that i am still not recovered from what has happen from the break up.. things are still not clear.. after seeing it clear.. the truth hurts but.. i have to learn from mistakes..

this year i had been recieving alot of internal and external motivation.. thats why it has made me for what i am.. shouln't be proud of it.. being selfish is also one thing.. well.. life still has to go on for me... do the best of what i can produce =)

A scar left on my arm.. b4 she told me her feelings.. realising she loves me no more ...

This is life

hello people reading my blog.. sorry haven been updating it for a long time.. well the big news is that i just broke up wif ellice and ya.. there are many reasons that i may know or not know.. whatever the fact is.. this is life.. things just happens .. shit things only happens to shit people.. and i am certainly dun wan to be the one who gets all the shit.. haha..

i decide to write my whole story abt this break up.. here so i can really see how i express my thoughts about it and see what u ppl think... well.. it all started not more than a month ago.. she was asking a break up cause of religious reasons.. than i was of course very shock and sad... i kept telling her that i want things to work out before just running away from it.. than somehow she changed her mind and decided to go on this journey wif me.. than i was touched when she said that she can't bear to leave me during valentine's day.. i really was greatful on that day.. i couldn't find the words to describe but i learn to be more careful wif her..

well less than 3 weeks later... she said that she is busy the whole week claiming that she had things in skool and activites.. well i said okay.. i have very important things to tell her abt the relationship... so i just waited .. and just 2 days b4 that.. she message me that she wants to meet me on the next monday and we seprate.. i was like WTF?? only the next day i manage to get her to tell me why... which was yesterday.. dun sound like her but its somehow very suspicious.. its directly or indirectly still from her cause she allowed this to happen.. so of couse i lost my faith for her... she said things that were the other way round of wad she used to keep telling me.. a bunch of lies... dun even know she really means it cause its all in TEXT! not even a call .... i guess things now days or so unsincere... she said that i have very high ego,pride and arrogan.. i admit i am.. but thats the way i am cause all my life.. i only learn things when ppl point it out to me.. unless people demotivate me.. spending 6 months wif her.. she sees me this way.. i can't change the way she thinks now.. she is forgetting abt me.. well.. i shall walk out of her life... i had feelings for her exactly 1 year.. only halfway than i manange to start a relationship wif her.. she always be my first love... and now it has end.. wat a journey.. i really got to thank her for showing me love this 6months even they are real or not.. well.. she wants to forget me which means i am not longer a part of her mind.. but no one can change history.. it has happened.. i hope she still remembers me.. she hates me and love someone else for now.. i hope its someone that will show her more love and teach her the right things.. love is blind.. i agree that.. i will learn how to accpect this... i never ask for this to happen.. in whatever relationship... when one falls .. both falls.. just like that and we are gone..

For me now!! Its the BEGINING!! 0f my life =) I learn from my first love and first break up.. i learn alot from this.. ITS TIME TO START YOUR DAMN LIFE!!! yea... my passion for music is always there.. music is the only thing that never fails me =) even love fails.. but music never... I am enjoying my singlehood once agian.. Wooo HOOo !! replacing wif someone else is totally navive... i wanna enjoy life and go on this journey towards my dream... I thank god for giving me this life ... One LIfe .. Live It!

Time is running out

Time is really running out fast for me now.. 39 more weeks to my o levels!! that sounds very near.. one week pass by its like u waking up 3 times .. thats how fast the rate of life i am facing.. escially when i only get to see my dear for 3 times or once a week.. less than 5 hours in all.. imagine how it would sound in a week? Life has been painful without her for me.. Hope she dosen't feel the pain i have now.. on the other hand i continue studying all i can to strive.. today just when to NYP for the open house.. not really that intresting but i think its okie la.. still planning to go for JC.. but i should be prepared if i were to go poly too... Just finished my maths homework only.. simple questions i so happy =)

Things between my dear and me hasn't been really stable.. i dunnoe why also. she also thinks too but dunnoe why.. i guess that we miss the times we really had during our freedoms during the holidays.When we could play all we want.. But now we both face studies for our o levels.. even though i be taking this year she next year.. i could see how well she is going to prepare for her o levels..glad she is a girl who i can depend on to study on her own.. but sometimes the most i could do to help her is to feel better when she is stress or sad..her world is totally different from mine.. but we both wan to live a fair world.. but this world is acutally all the same.. just how people get used to the world.. you have to follow how the world works.. and than you can go smoothy.. perhaps she is different in a sense that i have more freedom than her.. i just wish that we could finish out o levels faster and procced further in life..

seeing my future is quite scary.. i am not even sure wat i want to be.. there is so many things in life i want to do. but which to choose.. ? i see myself now in a developing state of life.. studying for the future.. and 10 years ahead in life when i look at myself.. its still me and in a different world.. whe n in the adult world. everything you can do is allowed.. when freedom is release onto my hands.. and how i play with it.. my career? and very fast i would be serving ns too.. i can't even believe i studied 10 years of education just like that.. even it sounds very fast.. many things did really happen.. things happen faster than i close my eyes.. i been lacking of sleep these few days.. i can't get up for school sometimes.. i have no time to even dream.. even have dreams, it all has been shoplifted.. i only update my blog when i feel free and comfortable.. and esp dunnoe which idiot keep putting things which are not nice in my tag board.. i do really get very anoyed sometimes.. but the other hand it sounds just childish.who ever you are just dun make this world a bitter place for people to live in.. ellice and me accept for who we are and we love not cause of looks.. our looks is like a coustume u wear in life.. decided by god if u are handsome or ugly.. we accept who we are.. wat matters is what we do in life.. the reason of doing in life.. why are we here ? humanity has been really neglected these few days and i certainly do get upsad.. why are we always so engaged in doing only wat we like and dun care abt others?

In life.. the first thing i always do is the take care of myself and believe in god.. second is my parents and family.. than it goes down to the rest... this is a basic thing in life and sometimes people just dun understand..

Cooling in Sentosa wif ma cousin dicky! =) 

Yea Rock On MATE!!  

COUNTDOWN TO 2005!!! ROCK ON! =) 

Tanglin Combo Band! =) Rockers 4 life!!  

taken around in june?? haha.. =)  

Long time no blog here yea? =)

I lost touch with my blog since after my n levels.. many many many things has happen... theres many thing i wanna do but in the end i din .. haiz.. its okay than.. still left with one more week or skool.. for the past few days i been going out and my pocket always left empty when i got home.. only yesterday i decided to stay at home and not celebrate xmas eve wif my frens.. cause i noe it would be a wasted of money.. in the end i followed my brother and faiz to queensway to buything things.. i only spend on mac donalds lol.. i can't bear to see my wallet empty agian.. it has been 8 days since i last saw her.. its really weird cause this is one of the longest time i never see or talk to her.. she in japan now enjoying wif her famliy i hope so..=) well me here just sit at home and relax letting time pass by.. also i left less than a week to my gig at chao chu kang cc there.. haiz.. tml we going jaming at bukit batok from 1 to 3 pm.. also my entire family going to sentosa .. and i only can join them by 4pm.. which is really very rush..

today i got up at 1230 pm cause i know that even i woke up early like yesterday.. i would feel bored and start thinking of her and start to miss her.. so i sleep agian until i feel its more than enough.. many things has happen to me the past few months since i blog... espcially getting my results .. i was shaking before i got my results.. when i saw the word promoted on my result slip.. i was over joyed.. when i join back my class sitting down at the hall.. i was kneeling down facing up feeling good as all the hard work i put in has been paid off.. first time in my life to get 3 As .. alltogether of 6 points!! =) i beat most of my classmates.. i expected them to did better than me.. but i only half of the whole level made it... to sec 5.. i saw my classmates or schoolmates ending up in tears or frustrated... i couldn't do anything much either cause the another half of them were joyfully celebrating their results.. i was really glad for afiq that he made it to sec 5.. he has been thinking to go sha tec.. but i really wish him to take o levels cause i know that he can do it.. jun wei also made it.. and all three of us still remains.. we three have been going out through out this holiday.. without ellice wif me now.. they were always there accompany me.. but sometimes there were misunderstanding... no matter how much i have company now i still really do miss her.. thinking of it almost everyday of wats happening to her.. cause the last time when i did talk to her.. she wasn't in a good mood... so thats makes it worse.. well.. i hope things are clearier now for her after her trip to japan..

we have been together almost to 4 months ready.. i discovered many things along the way.. what i learn in life.. i spend almost 2 hours just to travel and meet her and make my way home.. i dun mind doing there as long i get to see her.. the most thing i hate abt us doind is when we have to say goodbyes and going in seprate ways.. and she lives really far away from my house.. her house from serangoon all the way to west coast.. takes 2 hours just to go there and come back.. and when its pick hours.. its worse... sometimes i can't sleep in bus as i aready slept to much when making my way there.. i think about 5 days ago i went to her house in the morning the area there.. i reach there abt 815 am and waitied for her call at the park..i got my frens to get rite to her but she was sleeping and not feeling well.. so than i waited in the park listening to my mp3.. until it was 1045am.. hakim told me to make my way back home as her mom is at home.. than i was in misery walking all the way back to the mrt station instead of taking bus... but actually i was suppose to wait for her call before leaving my house.. but i wanted to spend more time wif her so i went ealier.. i told her i will come around 8.. and call when she gets up.. but can't really blame her la.. she wasn't feeling well.. so i guess that i just have to make my way back home =( But many things really did happen between us through this 4 months..

I have been listening all to Muse lately.. i really love their songs.. Mattew Ballalemy the front man is really a pure talent.. He sings damn well.. plays piano damn good.. and he rocks playing guitar.. and all his music are experimental music.. as he discovers her his own style.. i like them about their originality.. Josh Groband is also another artist i found that is really talented.. his music shares with the whole.. even though he plays classical music.. i still love listening them as i find them very meaning full.. my song on my blog is playing his song " You Raise Me Up" he other songs are also very good.. i respect him for making music for everyone to listen... if there were another person like him.. they would only use their songs for worshiping.. but Josh Groband makes music for everyone ... John lennon also is another man i respect.. his song "imagine" is trying to show the world if there is no border lines between us..there is no religion and no race between humans in this world.. everyone would be equal... can tell that he is trying to bring peace among the races and religion.. until today i still see a great division of me and my frens cause of their religion.. even ellice.. it saddens me to see things works this way and people have come to accept it.. I hope one day we all have every rights to accept each one of each other to united with..

This comming thursday my brother i comming back from australia but i still haven pack up his room lol.. =) i think i take my time to clear la.. dun need to rush so much.. cause i have to move all my instruments.. tml i having another soccer match.. i heard its a strong team.. but that dosen't mean i will not perform!! haha.. today going to practice freekick wif my brother at qifa.. but its raining now.. haiz.. i guess my luck for these few days has really been very very bad.. and i dun like it.. but i am always prepared for anything unlucky thing happen=) i hope i will continue updating my blog.. i can't possibly type everything i miss out now haha.. =) okie than... Merry ams and happy new year!

My brother's soccer team=) 

Mixed emotions

this morning i was planning to go for an job interview.. but then my mother dun allow =( then she die die die die dun let me get out the house.. i was soo sad... just cause of not going to skool she kb so much... then tell me do stupit things than i can go.. imagine i aready wear formal long sleves .. she ask me go clean the toilet... wtf... then clean my room.. than i go clean la.. then she say that if i want to go.. she also go out of the house and never come back.. my brother and father allowed me to go.. but my mother veri stubborn.. die die i cannot go... den i cried like mad in the morning... at first was both my parents scold me... forcing me not to go... i aready change all there and dress up.. then i started crying and crying.. cause i never had my freedom to go for the interview.. then i climb into my brother room and woke him up to seek help... i was still in tears... then he said that life can be unfair at times.. say my mother sometimes like that one.. so our choice in life becomes more narrow... i can't imagine life wifout my father... things would be so much diffrent.... i once thought that things would be better after my n levels.. infect that aren't much differences....

just now i chat wif ellice.. she said that she is veri veri stress... i really sometimes hate myself for not understanding some of the things she say.. i dun even know or guess wats troubling her.. maybe all i just need to do is to ask.. but how i know that what i do would make things better? she told me to think of wat she done for me and wat i done for her... i know she made alot of sacrifice and done many things for me... and looking back of wat i did for her... i just dunnoe how to compare.. after crying in the morning..i dunnoe why i feel like crying agian now.. after chatting wif her.. i just can't comfort her... i try finding wats wrong wif me.. maybe its because i pay more attention to my game wif my bro than to her? or i just never tried to be in her shoes... things are getting so much complicated... i can remember the last time i was stress up and was in madness.. since that day till now.. i never had those anymore.. but i can sense its comming back to me.. even when i know that i can always calm down and think slowly... ppl will always make me think even more.. and that is when i get stress from.. actually i was veri happy while playing ps2 wif my brother... but den i also wanted to talk to her on the other hand.. so i tried to finish the game asap... but things dun turn the way its seems to be...

in the end she went to sleep.. cause she is stress.. i starting to get worried abt her.. as she is in the middle of her exams... i made her worried all day abt me in the morning.. cause of wat happen to me... i dunnoe wat to do now to make things better... or maybe i never relise something important happening.. or maybe its me! something wrong wif me.. i dunnoe.. been thinkin it the entire day... so dear.. if you reading this.. i feel that i have fail my part as a boyfriend.. cause i never make thing work out the way it is for the both of us.. or maybe i never comfort u enough or make u feel secure.. i am sorry...=( but the love for you is still strong in me.. i should start to wake up and make things rite... i never give up hope on us.. i will give all i got.. as long i believe i can do it wif god's will...

Ming thoughts,all caught up inside his mind. 

I Miss Her

lol.. sorry that recently i change my style of typing.. looks so simple and obvious... so i think i stick it the way i used to type=) today met my dear agian! i can't believe it.. she called me in the morning when i was in bed.within the next hour.. i am wif her.. at hougang there.. took 1 hour to reach there.. ate at mac donalds wif her for breadfast... after that i decided to bring to habourfront . cause she never been there... so we took train from hougang.. habourfront the shops were still close as we reach there around 9 plus in the morning... we walk around the shopping center and held each other hand.. i brought her to the view where we can see sentosa from habourfront.. the first thing she said was that next time we live in this place... lol.. i know the view is nice.. not until i told her that i heard from my dad that the place have many ppl died b4.. she got shock alittle and she stare blank into the view.. i hug her and we both enjoy the scenery together... lookin into the sea and sky...even she never wore her contacts.. she still stare blank into the view for quite along time.. i guess she must have miss seeing this kind of views=) should bring her to more places where have nice scenery... the whole morning happen so fast.. it was like a dream... after sending her home... i slept all the way back to clementi.. a long journey.. i relise that i am getting use to traveling this far... all that matters is that i can be wif her.. she seems lost somehow and i really want to make her find her track back in life .. anything just ask me k dear ? *hughug*

the whole morning just happen like that.. sooo fast.. thats why i now still could'nt believe i was wif her in the morning.. anyway.. i got my notes from jun wei and went home after that... played game wif my brother the whole day... i felt so bad to tell my dear to call me back later as i was playing half way wif my brother.. sorry dear... =( but later she came online.. but i still find talking to her is better.. i dunnoe why.. but somehow talking is better... maybe cause i am starting to miss her agian.. i really miss her.. the whole day i thought of her.. even in my dreams.. i studied alittle after playing game.. my accounts tml got tution also.. so its okie =) tml i would be going to my grandmother house .. i guess the whole family would be there.. its has been really a long long time since we met.. everyone was busy doing their own things... they must have left out in their mind that we have a big family.. i never seen my cousin for ages.. and i do miss talking to them lol.. and also see hows my grandmother doing.. i somehow felt that because i can't speak malay well.. i can't communicate wif my grandma well.. the rest of my cousins are closer to her than i do.. i wish i could be closer but i can never express myself ...

it also has been a very long time since i sat down and spend my own sweet time typing into my blog.. one more paper to go on monday.. tml got soccer game !! yea =) long time never play.. this comming friday i would be fasting aready.. my brother have a job for me from his fren.. hope i get it.. its at tanglin mall.. after my exams.. i vow to try my very best to meet my dear everyday.. cause i really do miss her easily.. i never had a long day wif her b4.. we both were always rushing.. so i guess after her exams.. i will bring her somewhere special.. =) hope that she has freedom to go home late cause i would still be fasting ... i am looking forward to my future.. my results must do well.. and spending time wif my dear... our dreams we shared... what hakim said was true.. a relationship is also when both help each other out to reach each other dreams.. and the most special thing wif me and ellice is that we have the same dream =) i find myself that i am really fortunate to have such a wonderful girlfriend like her... felt like i was the luckiest person on earth... even how we met or got to knew each other.. it has lots of unexpected things happening until we both came this far.. i guess that we are fated to get to know each other and been this far.. =) i really thank god for giving me this life to live and having such a wonderful girl who loves me .. i do anything to be wif her forever.. wat i live in this world today is where there are rules.. some rules are meant to be broken and some are important...

i never have thoughts like this for a long long time... i am listening to embrace album... the songs veri nice.. it calms my brain down... slow my pace in life.. i guess i have type more than enough for my entry lol.. all i want to say to my dear is that i love her !! *muacks*

Sense of freedom!! =)

today had my 2nd last paper for my n levels..
still got 1 more paper!!! ACCOUNTS!! hahaha
yea... i been waiting for this moment...
So far my n levels has been good la..
Sure to make it!! =)
Met ellice for the past 2 days...
I was truly happy whenever i get to meet her..
Today b4 my maths paper.. i went to play pool wif my classmates..
she message my hp saying that she misses me =)
ya.. i miss her too alot...
now i getting a little more free.. so i whenever i have the time
i will always want to see her...
to be wif her.... *hughug*
just now quite lame also wat happen..
i thot the gig was today.. the lime gig at ochard..
its suppose to be on 9 october.. and i thot today was 9 oct !! wahh
hahaha. afiq and jun wei wanted to kill me...
in the end we watch exosist... damn shocking.. until i close my ears..
soo loud.. until my hair stand... hahah.. okie la the show...
tml will be a new day.. and i miss my dear dear.. =(
okie la.. i also nothing much to say ..
nitez matez!!! =)