wait and bleed

hello lads.. my laptop is down so cant update much for the past few days or even weeks.. so yea the update is that it is holidays.. and the sad news is that i think i am not as happy as i used to be due to some crisis i think i have... u see.. actually i had been in a relationship for a month i think.. at first it was all fun and all that.. and as it goes its dying out really fast and its just dont feel right.. i just dun feel the safeness of just going on like this... the fact is that she works and spends her time shopping wif her frens and ya alot of work agian.. and i just found out that me being left out ? i think i give one more week... if this really goes on and really makes my day worse just thinking about it.. i got to do something.. its never good whenever i feel this way.. and its 2 weeks holiday.. and i dun wanna just stay home and think about it.. its really painful just doing that.. its time that i should really make myself shut out to everybody except my family .. after listening to couple of angel and airwave songs.. they have this message which is that friends are always the one that make you happy.. i mean like i used to really love my life alot being happy and all that.. now its just the lowest point of time i am in now.. even its holiday and everything.. i had plans to restart my band and make a bigger impact than my previous one.. now i have 2 drummers from my class 1 guitarist or bassist and a bassist ... next whole week is jamming week... so yea.. and oh yea.. last thursday was like one of the most sad case la... after the test i actually waited for her at the atirm to recieve a call or something.. i end up leaving my class behind as they went to town.. had good fun.. wait for quite long until chee fatt and jun wei came.. and yea fuck it la.. i am going.. omg.. i never been that happy since the recent week i been to fucked up.. i laugh the loudest till cramps all that.. its not bad being gay after all..i mean happy dumbass haha.. i got to admit that if i were to compare being in a relationship now and the last one i had.. i was more confident and happier last time.. but i dun choose to live the past.. cause its over ass.. i just look ahead of my path... i guess the ones who take me higher and there holding my back.. i guess it should goes to the ones who has been there for me all these while.. you know who you are... and i never ever gonna forget the ones who were there when i am in the lowest point of time..

hate feeling this way.. but too bad.. its really reaching my limits.. you know why i love blogging. .cause it somehow share my thoughts and feelings who ever reads it.. even my brother sometimes reads it.. so ya.. it this 1 week i am not feeling anything from her.. i gonna ask for a week break.. being on my own and my frens.. see how its feels like being happy.. wad ever the decision is.. it would be right here in my arms..
i felt the hell rise up in me
nearby the clear stones of leaves
i wonder out where you cant see
inside my shell i wait and bleed..
and one thing.. i kinda of went abit of my path towards music... i just recentally start clubbing.. but one thing i noe for sure it will never be as good as a rock concert... and always remember this line my brothers.. ONCE A ROCKER ALWAYS A ROCKER!!!!