just another fuckin day

today i had trouble waking up lol. but got skool in time.. friday is always a fucked up because i always dun feel like going school because i have 3 different classes in a day so ya always get to split wif the mates.. next week my common test and i still dun feel the pressure cause i think its not so though after all studying =) mark and chek wye decided to study in school instead of going to redhill .. so yea obviously i still in school then.. my hp batt is dying soon.. damn it.. i cant wait till common test are over! so i can jam agian wif them... i really miss miss jamming and all.. recently have been practicing my guitar alot... i am real proud of myself because i think i have brought myself to another level in guitar.. playing all those insane guitar solos.. its fun anyway.. i got to learn to sherd someday..

after these few days passing by.. i tried to move on but still a part of me still remain in wonder.. well guess it takes time to just really let things go..

got to catch jet in singapore next month!

scars

today i woke up at 4 pm lol.. maybe cause i slept too little the previous night..
well i just love this song soo much cause it just relief my thoughts and pain..
papa roach you ROCK!! for 13 years.. i love all their songs man.. its very meaningful to hardcore rockers.. because his songs man me take it like a man and stand strong =)
Scars

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

Zouk was okay yesterday .. well went to mark house to put my stuff first.. his house like so freaking far.. after that head back to clarke quay there.. took bus... super long journey.. was talking with beatrice abt alot of things.. she and her santa talk lol... the whole entire day she was giving funny faces.. haha serious it looks funny la... she can frown in 5 different ways.. cool... anyway.. it was her first time going to club and its like i retire clubbing dunno how long la haha.. best part she never bring her pre sale ticket.. in the end must buy the full price one.. smart ah.. well we drank abit and went in.. the best part was i anyhow dump the bottle of whisky in a plastic bag like just let it lay somewhere.. inside still got alot.. no body realise that i kept it there so obvious hahaha.. cool ! =) but zouk was damn fucking packed la.. alot of posers and small kids.. macham paham.. haha.. beatrice first time go sure ask alot of questions.. i like macham give tour guide.. all i can say is WELCOME TO THE CLUB haha.. well my highness y died out by the time i reach the dance floor .. music was rnb all the way.. not so bad la... danced until it ends at 4 am and headed down to east coast.. we aready plan to arrange a day to go there and emo .. so yea.. we went to eat first then finish the rest of the whisky.. alot of my memories over there.. she also.. so yea we were like talking abt how beautiful it was in the past.. and just stare into the ocean.. hearing the sea waves.. slowly the sky became brighter...

omg i almost fell down la.. cause i was sitting down on the bench. then i was falling sleep almost feel backwards but lucky i fast to grab the table infront to hold my balance haha.. not funny lor =) .. after that we went home.. i went mark's house .. i reach his house expecting to sleep but in the end we play guitar hahaha.. cool eh... i slept at 11am and woke up at 1 pm.. so little sleep la..

when i reach school had a fast lunch and went to class.. my dad found out that i actually fail a moudule last sem so yea he was piss off and called me.. well i din expect things to be so different.. i mean like i was expecting him to like scold me like hell.. in the end he talk to me nicely and say that i must pass.. i really felt how much my dad loves me.. he even say that he gives me money to go out next time but i must stop working lol... then he agreed to pay for my car licence!!! cool!! =) i love my dad to the core.. and tml i going shopping wif him.. cool rite?? from something i expected so serious into soo good..

oh ya.. i really feel bad for beatrice.. her fucking lecturer go sabo to her mum that she hasnt been going class and everything.. so fucking kpo... then now beatrice mum like noes everything even the night before knew that there was no meeting in school.. hey dun do anything stupid okay.. i can feel that you were very nervous when yur mum was on the phone listening to yur lecturer.. some people just cant mind their own fucking business and destroy people's love...

anyway.. today i am acutally have a mixed of emotions.. werid day rite? dunnoe to be happy or sad... but one thing for sure.. i am proud of my hamster is now stronger and happier =) things are slowly getting back to normal.. whew...

beatrice and i actually agree to finally let our past go and move on for real... sadly this happen to her.. haiz.. well.. there are so many things in life to go through..

after the long nite

helooo... omg i miss so many classes.. today i suppose to go class at 9 but i only reach school at 2pm... slept over at mark's house.. because i went to zouk last nite.. well it was ok la.. but just too packed.. hate to be in a crowded area.. well yesterday was a day for me to really do whatever i want.. i overdose myself and i was like in illusion and just fell asleep and woke up.. felt the better part of me.. and yea its time to get going ming! why should i trap myself from the world.

anyways in the morning was playing guitar wif mark in his room.. was really awesome.. we both were like wowowoowowowowow... can play hand of blood hahaha.. its damn fun la.. then we listen the song and play then try agian and agian....

i got my warning letter agian.. and my dad has been really pissed off. and my exams are next week..

damn fucking bored waiting for my class to start

Bleed the dream

so yes like i expected..
all i wanna do now is BLEED THE DREAM!!!!!!!!!!!
nothing can stop me..
its like i am left with my last quarter
should i just spend it or save it
i hate myself for thinking so much
its time to get back the old ways
getting screwed over and over agian
and dun care about anything else but my freedom

feel like a total loser to just let things happen

feel so empty

today i went to zero to hero briefing wit mark chek wye and indra.. well i am in the vocals .. i will get vocal training and classes from now on.. sounds cool rite? haha.. i been waiting for all my life to be train wif vocals.. after that went to play a soccer match at boon lay sec... omg it was SOOO hot.. playing agianst this ang moh team.. so what?!! haha.. i scored the winning goal and broke their hearts.. the very last min i score and i really celebrated damn funny la.. ahhaa.. i was like doing the DX sign and do flips and hand signal. haha .. well i think i need to train my fitness alot.. anyways i think my vision of being a player has improve definately.. after that went to eat and went home to jam alittle and i was freaking bored =(

the entire whole day
without contacting you
makes my day empty
i sat in my little room
thinking of you
struming my guitar
filling the music with feelings
that i had for so long
sometimes i wish
that i could scream my thoughts out
so the whole world can see me crying
not given a chance to say
the words into yur eyes
it just keeps me falling .

well i was really suprise to met hamster yesterday after cannoe.. i mean like .. i thought the weekend was surely gonna be a time when i cant see her and its really u noe.. she asked me why am i so emo the past few days... but i dint have the chance to tell her everything as we only had like so little time to talk.. but i was really really like u noe.. relief that she came and talk to me and disturb me.. and was happy of course... but the only thing i couldnt understand why.. is that she don't have the mood to talk to me abt things that will make things less complicated... there are so many things to clear about but its like all jam in my head..

i dont know why u wan me to delete my past 4 days of post.. it really made me feel better after typing all my feelings here.. because i din want my thoughts to be unheard.. and i forget abt it someday.. even its bad or painful thing to remember i shouldnt erase it away.. learn from it and just move on...

tell me one good reason why its so hard to make things less complicated