HELLLLLLLLOO !!! I dunnoe why i feel so fresh now..! its time to start over new.. this is only the begining ... =) after i asked ellice for a last meet to clear my things out.. and she rejected or perhaps delayed it until june cause busy.. well.. i think its okay la.. if wan to drag .. drag lor.. When the going gets tough.. the tough gets going! =) This is my life.. my passion my tale.. and it always be.. Its better to be clear of what i need to know.. than thinking of false hopes.. now its has ended... this means a new start ... a NEW BORN!!!!! woooohooo!!!
Muse is the best band in the world.. MUAHAHAHHAHA
Friday, March 11, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Cross Country
Hello people once agian =) today had my cross country run.. got 2oth in position.. even it sounds so lousy.. i am still happy i manage to completed the race.. i could had given up.. My mind was half blacking out.. i din drink or eat anything b4 the race.. ran wif an empty stomach.. it has really a very long painful moment.. i kept telling myself not to give up... mind over body.. was the key that kept me going.. while running in the race.. many things came through my mind.. reminding me of the past when i was sec 1 till now sec 5.. so many mermories.. but i kind of disappointed getting 20th cause i used to be better than that.. sec 3 was my best.. i got 6th even being the disadvantage of the B division..
Today i listen to a few songs to clam my mind down after the broke up.. it still does go through my mind alot.. its never easy ... because its a feeling in me.. from my heart.. i can't force it.. or else i will never be true to myself.. even she had lost all feelings for me.. it hasn't for me.. i dun know how she managed to do that too.. but it still exist in me.. so many things ran through my mind.. recording how i feel into the white notebook.. The songs below i post them because i can say that is how i really feel.. its alot of mixture... either you love or you hate.. because i only know very limited of what really happened.. my english does suck alot.. but i dun care how i type here because i want to spot my mistakes... An Jing has been the song i been listening for a very long time.. until it is really happening to me.. its a nice song.. Today when i ran through my mind agian why this feeling i kept feeling is because.. that i can accept the fact she lost feelings for me and broke up.. i can't accept is the way of how it all happen... maybe i was too slow or unaware.. Its too difficult to think over it just like that.. I choose to slove matters than to replace it wif another thing.. because i think i should learn to slove things and learn all this things of how it all happened... I still think of the past.. but i dun live in the past.. its dragging me.. whatever i think of.. it always come to my mine.. even its like this now...
2 more weeks and i am off to australia for 10 days.. leaving all my sorrows unslove.. it will always remain.. i need to clear things out.. but there is nothing i can do abt it now either.. so i live with it.. thinking everyday... This journey for me has always been rough.. ups and downs.. Hope i can ever live my life to the fullest..
Sometimes in life you got to live with what you get..Only if i could live with what i must get
Today i listen to a few songs to clam my mind down after the broke up.. it still does go through my mind alot.. its never easy ... because its a feeling in me.. from my heart.. i can't force it.. or else i will never be true to myself.. even she had lost all feelings for me.. it hasn't for me.. i dun know how she managed to do that too.. but it still exist in me.. so many things ran through my mind.. recording how i feel into the white notebook.. The songs below i post them because i can say that is how i really feel.. its alot of mixture... either you love or you hate.. because i only know very limited of what really happened.. my english does suck alot.. but i dun care how i type here because i want to spot my mistakes... An Jing has been the song i been listening for a very long time.. until it is really happening to me.. its a nice song.. Today when i ran through my mind agian why this feeling i kept feeling is because.. that i can accept the fact she lost feelings for me and broke up.. i can't accept is the way of how it all happen... maybe i was too slow or unaware.. Its too difficult to think over it just like that.. I choose to slove matters than to replace it wif another thing.. because i think i should learn to slove things and learn all this things of how it all happened... I still think of the past.. but i dun live in the past.. its dragging me.. whatever i think of.. it always come to my mine.. even its like this now...
2 more weeks and i am off to australia for 10 days.. leaving all my sorrows unslove.. it will always remain.. i need to clear things out.. but there is nothing i can do abt it now either.. so i live with it.. thinking everyday... This journey for me has always been rough.. ups and downs.. Hope i can ever live my life to the fullest..
Sometimes in life you got to live with what you get..Only if i could live with what i must get
Gui Ji
This song is from jay zhou also.. Gui Ji.. very nice song to hear.. i hear it everynight to clam my feelings down
The place I lost you
The scent of your hair
Scatters hastily
I already cannot follow it
Close my eyes
I can still see
The vestige of when you left
Under the moonlight
Always been searching for
That figure that I miss
If you said that break up is the starting point of pain
Then before the finish line
I am willing to love again
Want to say to you
The love I dare not say
Will there be someone who understands?
I will be staring blankly
Then forget you
Shortly after that I will tightly close my eyes
Thinking of which day
When there will be someone to be in your place
To make me not think about you anymore
I will be staring blankly
Then smile
Shortly after that I will tightly close my eyes
Think about it again
Your gentle face
Before I forget
The tears in my heart
Obscures my visual line
Soon you already cannot be seen
Orbit
How can I hide my sorrow?The place I lost you
The scent of your hair
Scatters hastily
I already cannot follow it
Close my eyes
I can still see
The vestige of when you left
Under the moonlight
Always been searching for
That figure that I miss
If you said that break up is the starting point of pain
Then before the finish line
I am willing to love again
Want to say to you
The love I dare not say
Will there be someone who understands?
I will be staring blankly
Then forget you
Shortly after that I will tightly close my eyes
Thinking of which day
When there will be someone to be in your place
To make me not think about you anymore
I will be staring blankly
Then smile
Shortly after that I will tightly close my eyes
Think about it again
Your gentle face
Before I forget
The tears in my heart
Obscures my visual line
Soon you already cannot be seen
White Flag
White Flag -Dido
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of It's over
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All I was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Silence
This is the translation of An Jing
Only the piano is left over to talk with me for a day
The sleeping cello
The old silence
I think that you have already made it very clear
I understand and I know
You will not miss
You say you will feel sad, I don’t believe
Holding you being with me
It is only the past
Hope that he really needs to love you more compared to me
Only then will I force myself to leave
You want me to say it, it is very embarrassing
I basically do not want to part
Why do I still have to use subtle smile to carry across?
I do not have this kind of talent to
Tolerate you and accept him
Don’t need to worry too much
I will constantly live well
You have already left far away
I will also slowly walk away
Why must I be yielding to you even for separation?
I really do not have a talent
Won't become silent this fast
I will learn to give you up
It is because I love you too much
Only the piano is left over to talk with me for a day
The sleeping cello
The old silence
I think that you have already made it very clear
I understand and I know
You will not miss
You say you will feel sad, I don’t believe
Holding you being with me
It is only the past
Hope that he really needs to love you more compared to me
Only then will I force myself to leave
You want me to say it, it is very embarrassing
I basically do not want to part
Why do I still have to use subtle smile to carry across?
I do not have this kind of talent to
Tolerate you and accept him
Don’t need to worry too much
I will constantly live well
You have already left far away
I will also slowly walk away
Why must I be yielding to you even for separation?
I really do not have a talent
Won't become silent this fast
I will learn to give you up
It is because I love you too much
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Realise
hello once agian... today i seem to realise things that are suppose to be about a month ago.. Well ... things happen faster than i realise.. The change in me is what is all about.. Since this year.. i been trying very hard to focus on my O levels.. and say things that i wanna have alot.. which are some too big to set goals.. yesterday totally vend all my feelings out on this blog.. because that is what i only see and felt..
just only today jw tell me things propely and i see it now.. too late.. but better than never.. i dunnoe how am i gonna prepare my life towards the future.. things that i ever wanted seem just under my nose.. all i got to do is work very hard for it.. dun take it for granted.. I love to be always motivated towards goals.. cause its give me disire of the things i want.. reciving one thing that is good to have and giving is also as important things in life.. today i read this chinese book which i took from my fren to read it as it has love saga seeds all over the cover pictures of it.. the title in chinese is " doing things which are correct or wrong.. its all because doing it for love " thats one thing i encounter.. and have many stories in the book and began reading aCHINESE book! haha.. I can say that i am still not recovered from what has happen from the break up.. things are still not clear.. after seeing it clear.. the truth hurts but.. i have to learn from mistakes..
this year i had been recieving alot of internal and external motivation.. thats why it has made me for what i am.. shouln't be proud of it.. being selfish is also one thing.. well.. life still has to go on for me... do the best of what i can produce =)
just only today jw tell me things propely and i see it now.. too late.. but better than never.. i dunnoe how am i gonna prepare my life towards the future.. things that i ever wanted seem just under my nose.. all i got to do is work very hard for it.. dun take it for granted.. I love to be always motivated towards goals.. cause its give me disire of the things i want.. reciving one thing that is good to have and giving is also as important things in life.. today i read this chinese book which i took from my fren to read it as it has love saga seeds all over the cover pictures of it.. the title in chinese is " doing things which are correct or wrong.. its all because doing it for love " thats one thing i encounter.. and have many stories in the book and began reading aCHINESE book! haha.. I can say that i am still not recovered from what has happen from the break up.. things are still not clear.. after seeing it clear.. the truth hurts but.. i have to learn from mistakes..
this year i had been recieving alot of internal and external motivation.. thats why it has made me for what i am.. shouln't be proud of it.. being selfish is also one thing.. well.. life still has to go on for me... do the best of what i can produce =)
Monday, March 07, 2005
This is life
hello people reading my blog.. sorry haven been updating it for a long time.. well the big news is that i just broke up wif ellice and ya.. there are many reasons that i may know or not know.. whatever the fact is.. this is life.. things just happens .. shit things only happens to shit people.. and i am certainly dun wan to be the one who gets all the shit.. haha..
i decide to write my whole story abt this break up.. here so i can really see how i express my thoughts about it and see what u ppl think... well.. it all started not more than a month ago.. she was asking a break up cause of religious reasons.. than i was of course very shock and sad... i kept telling her that i want things to work out before just running away from it.. than somehow she changed her mind and decided to go on this journey wif me.. than i was touched when she said that she can't bear to leave me during valentine's day.. i really was greatful on that day.. i couldn't find the words to describe but i learn to be more careful wif her..
well less than 3 weeks later... she said that she is busy the whole week claiming that she had things in skool and activites.. well i said okay.. i have very important things to tell her abt the relationship... so i just waited .. and just 2 days b4 that.. she message me that she wants to meet me on the next monday and we seprate.. i was like WTF?? only the next day i manage to get her to tell me why... which was yesterday.. dun sound like her but its somehow very suspicious.. its directly or indirectly still from her cause she allowed this to happen.. so of couse i lost my faith for her... she said things that were the other way round of wad she used to keep telling me.. a bunch of lies... dun even know she really means it cause its all in TEXT! not even a call .... i guess things now days or so unsincere... she said that i have very high ego,pride and arrogan.. i admit i am.. but thats the way i am cause all my life.. i only learn things when ppl point it out to me.. unless people demotivate me.. spending 6 months wif her.. she sees me this way.. i can't change the way she thinks now.. she is forgetting abt me.. well.. i shall walk out of her life... i had feelings for her exactly 1 year.. only halfway than i manange to start a relationship wif her.. she always be my first love... and now it has end.. wat a journey.. i really got to thank her for showing me love this 6months even they are real or not.. well.. she wants to forget me which means i am not longer a part of her mind.. but no one can change history.. it has happened.. i hope she still remembers me.. she hates me and love someone else for now.. i hope its someone that will show her more love and teach her the right things.. love is blind.. i agree that.. i will learn how to accpect this... i never ask for this to happen.. in whatever relationship... when one falls .. both falls.. just like that and we are gone..
For me now!! Its the BEGINING!! 0f my life =) I learn from my first love and first break up.. i learn alot from this.. ITS TIME TO START YOUR DAMN LIFE!!! yea... my passion for music is always there.. music is the only thing that never fails me =) even love fails.. but music never... I am enjoying my singlehood once agian.. Wooo HOOo !! replacing wif someone else is totally navive... i wanna enjoy life and go on this journey towards my dream... I thank god for giving me this life ... One LIfe .. Live It!
i decide to write my whole story abt this break up.. here so i can really see how i express my thoughts about it and see what u ppl think... well.. it all started not more than a month ago.. she was asking a break up cause of religious reasons.. than i was of course very shock and sad... i kept telling her that i want things to work out before just running away from it.. than somehow she changed her mind and decided to go on this journey wif me.. than i was touched when she said that she can't bear to leave me during valentine's day.. i really was greatful on that day.. i couldn't find the words to describe but i learn to be more careful wif her..
well less than 3 weeks later... she said that she is busy the whole week claiming that she had things in skool and activites.. well i said okay.. i have very important things to tell her abt the relationship... so i just waited .. and just 2 days b4 that.. she message me that she wants to meet me on the next monday and we seprate.. i was like WTF?? only the next day i manage to get her to tell me why... which was yesterday.. dun sound like her but its somehow very suspicious.. its directly or indirectly still from her cause she allowed this to happen.. so of couse i lost my faith for her... she said things that were the other way round of wad she used to keep telling me.. a bunch of lies... dun even know she really means it cause its all in TEXT! not even a call .... i guess things now days or so unsincere... she said that i have very high ego,pride and arrogan.. i admit i am.. but thats the way i am cause all my life.. i only learn things when ppl point it out to me.. unless people demotivate me.. spending 6 months wif her.. she sees me this way.. i can't change the way she thinks now.. she is forgetting abt me.. well.. i shall walk out of her life... i had feelings for her exactly 1 year.. only halfway than i manange to start a relationship wif her.. she always be my first love... and now it has end.. wat a journey.. i really got to thank her for showing me love this 6months even they are real or not.. well.. she wants to forget me which means i am not longer a part of her mind.. but no one can change history.. it has happened.. i hope she still remembers me.. she hates me and love someone else for now.. i hope its someone that will show her more love and teach her the right things.. love is blind.. i agree that.. i will learn how to accpect this... i never ask for this to happen.. in whatever relationship... when one falls .. both falls.. just like that and we are gone..
For me now!! Its the BEGINING!! 0f my life =) I learn from my first love and first break up.. i learn alot from this.. ITS TIME TO START YOUR DAMN LIFE!!! yea... my passion for music is always there.. music is the only thing that never fails me =) even love fails.. but music never... I am enjoying my singlehood once agian.. Wooo HOOo !! replacing wif someone else is totally navive... i wanna enjoy life and go on this journey towards my dream... I thank god for giving me this life ... One LIfe .. Live It!
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